the year is winding down to a close. even as i'm typing this, the seconds are ticking away and a whole new work year will soon be upon me. my heart's been beating a little faster than usual and it will probably get quicker. you know that dread feeling i've been having? it hasn't really gone away but i have to admit that it was nice to see my colleagues after a long while. in a funny way, i actually missed them. i don't quite know what to expect so for now, the feeling of dread has been replaced by something that is a mish mash of nervousness, excitement, fear with a tinge of curiosity thrown in. it's just a funny feeling that's whirling around in my tummy.
***
on to more mundane issues: i managed to go to bukit batok, choa chu kang and vivocity all in the space of 3 hours without the use of a car or a taxi. it was purely a mass transport system that brought me around. i'm amazed. yes, i am. amazing.
***
i'm really sleepy at the moment. then again, i'm perpetually sleepy. have u ever seen me not sleepy? then again, u've never quite seen me, have you? so that's rather redundant. oh well.
***
oooh...had to attend a wedding. (yes, yet another one.) all i can say is that....interesting. hehehhe....the groom's really funny lah...he screwed up quite a couple of things but hell, if things ran smoothly, i would have been shocked. hehehe...but it was fun...while it lasted...i didn't quite stay for the grand finale.
***
at this present moment in time, i'm just sitting down in front of Snowie here and just blanking out. and as i'm doing so, the dream i had last night kinda popped into my mind. i had a dream of me dreaming of a person. something about me not quite figuring out why i keep meeting short guys and voila, the person i was supposed to marry turns out to be a dwarf. which then led me to becoming hysterical and waking up from that dream in my dream to a scenario of telling someone how ridiculous the whole thing was and i don't quite recall what happened next except the fact that i woke up and realized EVERYTHING was a dream. even my innerworkings not quite working. macam mana ni???
***
last but not least, to all muslims out there, here's wishing you a blessed aidiladha. to all non-muslims, enjoy the holidays and what's left of 2006. let's all just start off on a clean slate, shall we?
***
with that, this blog is now pronounced closed.
at least for 2006. :OP
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
kimchi, anyone?
I'm trying to come clean. :OP
I don't get it. When I'm not actually "blogging", I seem to have a million things to say or write yet when I'm actually presented with the opportunity to babble happily, I seem to lose focus. Which leads to such mundane thoughts that I'm a little freaked to think that perhaps, that's all my brain's got to offer. Loser.
Heck lah.
Eh...I've been watching a lot of Korean dramas lately. And no, not jewel in the palace. I watch more mundane stuff such as Princess Hours, My Girl etc. So erm, let's just figure something out together now....You know it's a Korean drama when:
1. The female lead's a poverty-stricken shrew and the male lead's a filthy-rich jackass.
2. In spite of shrew factor, female lead always wins heart of jackass's superhunky, too-perfect-to-be-true buddy, also known as Mr Perfect or Mr P, for short.
3. In spite of jackass factor, male lead is actually ultra sweet and being jackassish only because he was in love with some superhot, ultra-cool (hmmmm...) Babe who will eventually fall for him only after figuring out that shrew could potentially be a source of competition for jackass's attention.
4. Shrew and Jackass will always hook up very early in the show but for very unromantic reasons.
5. Shrew and Jackass cannot seem to split up effectively until they have actually fallen in love. Warped concept but hell, I'm not the script writer.
6. There will always be a "makeover" scene where Shrew will be made to look even better than Babe and Jackass, being a jackass will have his jaws dropped and drool dripped. OK, I made the last bit up but something to that effect.
7. Shrew will ALWAYS fall sick and Jackass will ALWAYS look after sick Shrew.
8. Shrew eats like as though there's no tomorrow but looks as though she's been starving her life away. High metabolic rate seems to be a prerequisite.
9. Shrew and Jackass will be jerks to each other but no one else.
10. Shrew will be unshrewified and "normalized" and Jackass will eventually turn into Mr Wuss by the end of the show.
Gist of it:
Girls, become a shrew and then unshrewify yourself.
Boys, be an arse and then wussify yourself.
Moral of the Story:
People fall in love with imperfect individuals as long as they look perfect. In fact, the more questionable your character, the better your chances at finding "bliss". Uh-huh.
Oh....and another thing, there'a always a wuss in every jackass.
And yet, in spite of it all, I'm hooked on them. WTF???
To save my sould, I've been making sure I get a healthy dosage of other shows - The Nanny. But then again, isn't Fran Fine also a shrew? Hmmm....
I don't get it. When I'm not actually "blogging", I seem to have a million things to say or write yet when I'm actually presented with the opportunity to babble happily, I seem to lose focus. Which leads to such mundane thoughts that I'm a little freaked to think that perhaps, that's all my brain's got to offer. Loser.
Heck lah.
Eh...I've been watching a lot of Korean dramas lately. And no, not jewel in the palace. I watch more mundane stuff such as Princess Hours, My Girl etc. So erm, let's just figure something out together now....You know it's a Korean drama when:
1. The female lead's a poverty-stricken shrew and the male lead's a filthy-rich jackass.
2. In spite of shrew factor, female lead always wins heart of jackass's superhunky, too-perfect-to-be-true buddy, also known as Mr Perfect or Mr P, for short.
3. In spite of jackass factor, male lead is actually ultra sweet and being jackassish only because he was in love with some superhot, ultra-cool (hmmmm...) Babe who will eventually fall for him only after figuring out that shrew could potentially be a source of competition for jackass's attention.
4. Shrew and Jackass will always hook up very early in the show but for very unromantic reasons.
5. Shrew and Jackass cannot seem to split up effectively until they have actually fallen in love. Warped concept but hell, I'm not the script writer.
6. There will always be a "makeover" scene where Shrew will be made to look even better than Babe and Jackass, being a jackass will have his jaws dropped and drool dripped. OK, I made the last bit up but something to that effect.
7. Shrew will ALWAYS fall sick and Jackass will ALWAYS look after sick Shrew.
8. Shrew eats like as though there's no tomorrow but looks as though she's been starving her life away. High metabolic rate seems to be a prerequisite.
9. Shrew and Jackass will be jerks to each other but no one else.
10. Shrew will be unshrewified and "normalized" and Jackass will eventually turn into Mr Wuss by the end of the show.
Gist of it:
Girls, become a shrew and then unshrewify yourself.
Boys, be an arse and then wussify yourself.
Moral of the Story:
People fall in love with imperfect individuals as long as they look perfect. In fact, the more questionable your character, the better your chances at finding "bliss". Uh-huh.
Oh....and another thing, there'a always a wuss in every jackass.
And yet, in spite of it all, I'm hooked on them. WTF???
To save my sould, I've been making sure I get a healthy dosage of other shows - The Nanny. But then again, isn't Fran Fine also a shrew? Hmmm....
Let's see here...
My template's gone psycho. My tagboard's missing. My brain froze. So yeah, everything's going really spiffy at the moment.
Been busy of late. Ok, fine. The truth is, I've been lazy AND busy of late. It might sound rather contradictory but seriously, that's how things have been. Initially, I've not been updating due to a mixture of laziness and "I-got-better-things-to-do" syndrome. However, given that my cuzzie got married over the weekend, I honestly did have loads to do. A lot of crappy things happened lah prior to the wedding and it got too insane even for me. I just wanted to stay clear of it all. Fortunately the whole wedding went on rather smoothly although I did find myself peeved quite a few times.
Let me make it clear, I wasn't peeved with the wedding etc but rather the attitude of some of the folks who were around. Before that, I need to make it crystal that I love my family. Including the extended folks in spite and sometimes, because of their imperfections. However, loving people won't make me immune to anger and frustration. (In fact, the more you feel, the angrier you can get. OK fine, turn the yous to I.) So, yeah, I was incredibly pissed. If I ever get married, I'd rather a "stranger-coordinated" affair rather than a "family" one. Somehow, it just doesn't seem to work well. Sigh. It isn't easy getting married into my extended family. It really isn't even though things seem fine and dandy to the superficial eye. Hence, I've made up my mind to be extra-nice to people marrying into the family. I want them to feel welcomed and to at least have someone to talk to. Hopefully, no one will feel alienated coz I somehow understand that feeling and it isn't a nice one at all. I hope I can make a difference in that sense. With that, welcome to the family, dear cuzzies-in-law. And that definitely came from the heart. (Even though you probably will not even know I'm referring to you. Yes, you. Whoever you are.)
So there.
Ooooh. Today was nice.
And the sinking feeling starts to rise again.
Crap.
My template's gone psycho. My tagboard's missing. My brain froze. So yeah, everything's going really spiffy at the moment.
Been busy of late. Ok, fine. The truth is, I've been lazy AND busy of late. It might sound rather contradictory but seriously, that's how things have been. Initially, I've not been updating due to a mixture of laziness and "I-got-better-things-to-do" syndrome. However, given that my cuzzie got married over the weekend, I honestly did have loads to do. A lot of crappy things happened lah prior to the wedding and it got too insane even for me. I just wanted to stay clear of it all. Fortunately the whole wedding went on rather smoothly although I did find myself peeved quite a few times.
Let me make it clear, I wasn't peeved with the wedding etc but rather the attitude of some of the folks who were around. Before that, I need to make it crystal that I love my family. Including the extended folks in spite and sometimes, because of their imperfections. However, loving people won't make me immune to anger and frustration. (In fact, the more you feel, the angrier you can get. OK fine, turn the yous to I.) So, yeah, I was incredibly pissed. If I ever get married, I'd rather a "stranger-coordinated" affair rather than a "family" one. Somehow, it just doesn't seem to work well. Sigh. It isn't easy getting married into my extended family. It really isn't even though things seem fine and dandy to the superficial eye. Hence, I've made up my mind to be extra-nice to people marrying into the family. I want them to feel welcomed and to at least have someone to talk to. Hopefully, no one will feel alienated coz I somehow understand that feeling and it isn't a nice one at all. I hope I can make a difference in that sense. With that, welcome to the family, dear cuzzies-in-law. And that definitely came from the heart. (Even though you probably will not even know I'm referring to you. Yes, you. Whoever you are.)
So there.
Ooooh. Today was nice.
And the sinking feeling starts to rise again.
Crap.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Home
Finally!
Blogger's been acting up on me. Asal? Merajok? Ish, ish...
Anyway, been ultra lazy lately. Perhaps, it's a side effect of holidays. On the other hand, it could be the rain. Then again, I could just be cooking up excuses.
Let's try to pick up from where I left off, shall we?
Oh yeah, came back from KL. It was a fun trip. Though, you could say that I had two completely different experiences within that same holiday. You see, I had gone up earlier with 4 others on Thursday while the other three folks joined us on Saturday (ard midnight). The weekenders were essentially there for shopping while the rest of us wanted a holiday of sorts.
Hence, the first two days were rather relaxing whereby we didn't exactly have any kinda plan. We just went with our gut feelings and just erm, whacked it. We were torn between Sunway Lagoon, Genting or Berjaya but somehow or other managed to come to a decision at 8.30 am the following day that we were set on Genting. This is about half an hour before the bus thing was set to depart for Genting. So erm, yeah, last minute decision as always. But hell, it was fun. Oodles of fun. I've not been to an amusement park since I was 18 or was it 19? That would mean a good 6-7 years back. But I do remember the adrenaline rush of being on Cadbury and the viking. Somehow or other, didn't quite get that at Genting. It was kinda swingish most of the time. I guess the closest thing you can get to feeling that rush was on the Thumper thing that kinda dropped u from way up high. But even that only lasted a grand total of 2 seconds when I felt my butt being jolted out of my seat as the thing "dropped" us. But, it was a lot of fun and Genting's got some real pretty sights and the weather's pretty lovely. No blistering hot sun and that was kinda nice.
Well, the next two days were quite simply shopping days and erm, my planner friends went about detailing our shopping route with the focus of a military general on the eve of battle. It was hectic trying to keep up but honestly, I didn't really have much to buy so for most parts, I kinda hung out on my own and hunted out cd shops and bookstores. Yes, I am THAT boring. I did almost get lost a couple of times because of my gatal-sendiri solo trips but all is well. Ultimately, I did buy stuff lah though the bulk of it were gifts for my family such as chocolates, candles and other decorative stuff.
Speaking of decorative, I came across this place called "Arch" which sold what were essentially decorative stuff made of wood and they were so pretty. There were models of kampungs, intricate wood engravings etc. Nice place and come to think of it, the sales dude was pretty cute. Oh well.
Well, I'm back in Singapore. I can't say that I'm horribly upset about it but neither can I say that I'm thrilled. There is this heaviness that seems to have settled in quite nicely and I can't seem to shake it off. But that's another tale to tell.
For now, at least I'm home.
Blogger's been acting up on me. Asal? Merajok? Ish, ish...
Anyway, been ultra lazy lately. Perhaps, it's a side effect of holidays. On the other hand, it could be the rain. Then again, I could just be cooking up excuses.
Let's try to pick up from where I left off, shall we?
Oh yeah, came back from KL. It was a fun trip. Though, you could say that I had two completely different experiences within that same holiday. You see, I had gone up earlier with 4 others on Thursday while the other three folks joined us on Saturday (ard midnight). The weekenders were essentially there for shopping while the rest of us wanted a holiday of sorts.
Hence, the first two days were rather relaxing whereby we didn't exactly have any kinda plan. We just went with our gut feelings and just erm, whacked it. We were torn between Sunway Lagoon, Genting or Berjaya but somehow or other managed to come to a decision at 8.30 am the following day that we were set on Genting. This is about half an hour before the bus thing was set to depart for Genting. So erm, yeah, last minute decision as always. But hell, it was fun. Oodles of fun. I've not been to an amusement park since I was 18 or was it 19? That would mean a good 6-7 years back. But I do remember the adrenaline rush of being on Cadbury and the viking. Somehow or other, didn't quite get that at Genting. It was kinda swingish most of the time. I guess the closest thing you can get to feeling that rush was on the Thumper thing that kinda dropped u from way up high. But even that only lasted a grand total of 2 seconds when I felt my butt being jolted out of my seat as the thing "dropped" us. But, it was a lot of fun and Genting's got some real pretty sights and the weather's pretty lovely. No blistering hot sun and that was kinda nice.
Well, the next two days were quite simply shopping days and erm, my planner friends went about detailing our shopping route with the focus of a military general on the eve of battle. It was hectic trying to keep up but honestly, I didn't really have much to buy so for most parts, I kinda hung out on my own and hunted out cd shops and bookstores. Yes, I am THAT boring. I did almost get lost a couple of times because of my gatal-sendiri solo trips but all is well. Ultimately, I did buy stuff lah though the bulk of it were gifts for my family such as chocolates, candles and other decorative stuff.
Speaking of decorative, I came across this place called "Arch" which sold what were essentially decorative stuff made of wood and they were so pretty. There were models of kampungs, intricate wood engravings etc. Nice place and come to think of it, the sales dude was pretty cute. Oh well.
Well, I'm back in Singapore. I can't say that I'm horribly upset about it but neither can I say that I'm thrilled. There is this heaviness that seems to have settled in quite nicely and I can't seem to shake it off. But that's another tale to tell.
For now, at least I'm home.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
collage
Certain things make me want to puke. OK fine, putting it nicely, certain things make me nauseous.
Funny things is, these things aren't limited to foods, smells or weirdo rides on weirdo vehicles. I mean, I have this baseballish type T-shirt with peachy sleeves...well...that T-shirt definitely makes me nauseous. Just looking at it puts my tummy in a whirl and my throat goes all funny and I just want to go bullimic. Recently, I saw this top of sorts...that too made me want to puke. Hmm...it's not that I don't like the tops...(for goodness sake, I bought one of those) but it doesn't change the fact that these things do give me a funny feeling...oh well...
***
On the other hand, I love boat rides. I like the whole bobbing up and down and then, the slicing through waters and the squirts that you get...
***
I'm feeling a little depressed lah...My job's starting soon and it's just making me feel really down...It's bad to feel this way about the job. I mean, I used to love it, damnit. A friend says I'm too nostalgic. Perhaps. I shouldn't be. I should be forward looking and be bright and cheery and to a large extent, I do present myself as such. But, it doesn't change the fact that there's this aching void...it's like I lost something along the way...
***
Anyway, yesterday was pretty nice. Met fuz for a bit. You know, I had a feeling that we might just miss the person and I did tell fuz that and what dya know? We almost did. No matter, really. It happens to us all the time. Anyway, been some time really since I met fuz but it doesn't matter, does it? Guess, being frens for so long kinda eases things. No matter what, fuz is the one person who understands me even when I myself, have trouble making sense of what I think or say. Kesian dia...lama kena suffer...Oh yeah, we kinda have this agreement whereby I would have to get married no later than 1 year after she gets married and she needs to make sure that should she be pregnant during my wedding, it has to be at the most, a two month pregnancy. Yeah...and no, we cannot get married in the same month of the same year. Our rationale is quite simple, if she's too pregnant, she can't help out during my wedding. And I have to marry after her, because she's always so slow so I need to give her the headstart. And we cannot get married in the same month coz again, we wouldn't be able to help each other out. Seeeee...we ARE rationale.
***
In the later part of the day, met up with another trio of friends. Went to JB for dinner and yup, mr alf got lost while mrs alf slept. Amazingly, it was not my fault! Gosh, things progress so quickly and before you know it, life kinda swerves in another direction. The last time I had dinner with these folks in jb, keparat had also joined us. But, now that keparat's a korporated keparat and erm, us just drifting apart slowly...he's kinda missing from the picture...I do miss him, you know? He is my keparated brudder after all...
***
Today's just going to be ultra slack lah...I think I'd call today my couch potato day!!! I have to make me happy and I will. So there.
***
Bye!
Funny things is, these things aren't limited to foods, smells or weirdo rides on weirdo vehicles. I mean, I have this baseballish type T-shirt with peachy sleeves...well...that T-shirt definitely makes me nauseous. Just looking at it puts my tummy in a whirl and my throat goes all funny and I just want to go bullimic. Recently, I saw this top of sorts...that too made me want to puke. Hmm...it's not that I don't like the tops...(for goodness sake, I bought one of those) but it doesn't change the fact that these things do give me a funny feeling...oh well...
***
On the other hand, I love boat rides. I like the whole bobbing up and down and then, the slicing through waters and the squirts that you get...
***
I'm feeling a little depressed lah...My job's starting soon and it's just making me feel really down...It's bad to feel this way about the job. I mean, I used to love it, damnit. A friend says I'm too nostalgic. Perhaps. I shouldn't be. I should be forward looking and be bright and cheery and to a large extent, I do present myself as such. But, it doesn't change the fact that there's this aching void...it's like I lost something along the way...
***
Anyway, yesterday was pretty nice. Met fuz for a bit. You know, I had a feeling that we might just miss the person and I did tell fuz that and what dya know? We almost did. No matter, really. It happens to us all the time. Anyway, been some time really since I met fuz but it doesn't matter, does it? Guess, being frens for so long kinda eases things. No matter what, fuz is the one person who understands me even when I myself, have trouble making sense of what I think or say. Kesian dia...lama kena suffer...Oh yeah, we kinda have this agreement whereby I would have to get married no later than 1 year after she gets married and she needs to make sure that should she be pregnant during my wedding, it has to be at the most, a two month pregnancy. Yeah...and no, we cannot get married in the same month of the same year. Our rationale is quite simple, if she's too pregnant, she can't help out during my wedding. And I have to marry after her, because she's always so slow so I need to give her the headstart. And we cannot get married in the same month coz again, we wouldn't be able to help each other out. Seeeee...we ARE rationale.
***
In the later part of the day, met up with another trio of friends. Went to JB for dinner and yup, mr alf got lost while mrs alf slept. Amazingly, it was not my fault! Gosh, things progress so quickly and before you know it, life kinda swerves in another direction. The last time I had dinner with these folks in jb, keparat had also joined us. But, now that keparat's a korporated keparat and erm, us just drifting apart slowly...he's kinda missing from the picture...I do miss him, you know? He is my keparated brudder after all...
***
Today's just going to be ultra slack lah...I think I'd call today my couch potato day!!! I have to make me happy and I will. So there.
***
Bye!
Saturday, December 09, 2006
sneaky peeks
Back in Singapore again...oh well...(Singapore looks real pretty at night...at least from way above...)
Anyway, it was a very nice trip...met incredibly warm hearted people and an experience that would not be forgotten easily. Just a brief summary, we(me and travelbud stayed in the Kuta area though when we had the chance, we did go up to Uluwatu and Kintamani. Unfortunately, we had to give Lovina and Nusa Dua a miss but Insya Allah, we will when we go over again....we definitely would want to go again...Nice learning experience really...
Kinda tired and hate uploading shots...takes forever so I'm just going to share my three favourites, all of which were taken at Uluwatu...so here you go -
I like this sign...the monkeys rule...literally...(Psssst: It reads "Only monkeys can litter")
This guy kinda confirms the whole monkey-rules thing...He may look all fat and innocent but behind that facade of tranquility (ala Hanuman), this is one heck of a monyet...In fact, most of the monkeys are real monkeys...They've all got sneaky moves up their little, erm, furs...Little, or in this case, not-so-little SNEAK!!!
Now, this is my all-time favourite shot...It captures the essence of how I feel about Bali - an unreal beauty that seems to defy the ravages of time and retains its serenity...
That's all folks!
Anyway, it was a very nice trip...met incredibly warm hearted people and an experience that would not be forgotten easily. Just a brief summary, we(me and travelbud stayed in the Kuta area though when we had the chance, we did go up to Uluwatu and Kintamani. Unfortunately, we had to give Lovina and Nusa Dua a miss but Insya Allah, we will when we go over again....we definitely would want to go again...Nice learning experience really...
Kinda tired and hate uploading shots...takes forever so I'm just going to share my three favourites, all of which were taken at Uluwatu...so here you go -
I like this sign...the monkeys rule...literally...(Psssst: It reads "Only monkeys can litter")
This guy kinda confirms the whole monkey-rules thing...He may look all fat and innocent but behind that facade of tranquility (ala Hanuman), this is one heck of a monyet...In fact, most of the monkeys are real monkeys...They've all got sneaky moves up their little, erm, furs...Little, or in this case, not-so-little SNEAK!!!
Now, this is my all-time favourite shot...It captures the essence of how I feel about Bali - an unreal beauty that seems to defy the ravages of time and retains its serenity...
That's all folks!
Monday, December 04, 2006
flippin' mad
Alo...
I overate and now I feel ultra bloated. Padan muka.
Let's see now, I've been grouchy of late but no more...at least not for the next 4 days, Insya Allah becozzzz....I'm off to Bali!!! Whoopiedeeeee!!! I have not packed. Nope. Not a thing but that's just me being me. So, no matter...
Fruitless day today but then again, was it all that fruitless? Hmmm...Anyhow, finished reading Books 1 and 2 of the trilogy so I'd be moving on to the third. And yessiree, flipper (my bookflip) has been ultra useful. I don't think flipper likes her name though...She seems a little aloof which means that she needs to flip more often so flipper it is...
Now...I'm actually sitting in the midst of an incredibly messy room...betull...tak bohong!!! I'm supposed to clean it up before Bali but erm...looking around...I'm in for a loooooonnngggg night if I intend to do so...which is a choiceless situation really considering that my mum will probably give me endless lectures should i not...
So erm...anyway, I've been rather rubbish-y but I guess it's time to really do some hyper-ranting...
I don't get it. Why is it that people can be so bloody blinded by their prejudices that they do not see the hurt they are inflicting on someone who is pretty much blameless in the matter. I mean, I get it...people have problems with each other...some take it further than they should and usually, the matter is of a ridiculous nature. However, don't bring others into it. Don't wreck another person's majlis just because your egos' bruised. Effin hell...I'm super pissed...
Part of me just wants to do something reckless like tell them off in their faces or something but I know if I were to do it, I'd be wrecking havoc not only to myself but also to my family and honestly, we don't need anymore of such shit. I'm telling you, my parents have the patience of a saint, especially my mum. She's got a temper and all but she never loses her cool when dealing with petty matters. Which is something I want to emulate.
So, I'm biting my tongue back and just going with the flow...It's alright, they can be as idiotic as they wish to be...I'm just going to continue helping the "innocent"...No sense getting pulled into the skirmish...Perhaps, I could even be the mediator? I know lah...a bit the fat lah the hope but I have to be neutral...No one can stop me from helping someone. Hmmm...sometimes, being the odd one out does allow certain benefits...Others may get hell but me or any of my family for that matter? We get away with it...because we've always been the oddity.
But enough about me...I'm leaving for Bali so I'd just leave my cares behind...I just want to break free, even if it means just for a little while.
BYE!
(PS. I'm developing wrist muscles. I think.)
I overate and now I feel ultra bloated. Padan muka.
Let's see now, I've been grouchy of late but no more...at least not for the next 4 days, Insya Allah becozzzz....I'm off to Bali!!! Whoopiedeeeee!!! I have not packed. Nope. Not a thing but that's just me being me. So, no matter...
Fruitless day today but then again, was it all that fruitless? Hmmm...Anyhow, finished reading Books 1 and 2 of the trilogy so I'd be moving on to the third. And yessiree, flipper (my bookflip) has been ultra useful. I don't think flipper likes her name though...She seems a little aloof which means that she needs to flip more often so flipper it is...
Now...I'm actually sitting in the midst of an incredibly messy room...betull...tak bohong!!! I'm supposed to clean it up before Bali but erm...looking around...I'm in for a loooooonnngggg night if I intend to do so...which is a choiceless situation really considering that my mum will probably give me endless lectures should i not...
So erm...anyway, I've been rather rubbish-y but I guess it's time to really do some hyper-ranting...
I don't get it. Why is it that people can be so bloody blinded by their prejudices that they do not see the hurt they are inflicting on someone who is pretty much blameless in the matter. I mean, I get it...people have problems with each other...some take it further than they should and usually, the matter is of a ridiculous nature. However, don't bring others into it. Don't wreck another person's majlis just because your egos' bruised. Effin hell...I'm super pissed...
Part of me just wants to do something reckless like tell them off in their faces or something but I know if I were to do it, I'd be wrecking havoc not only to myself but also to my family and honestly, we don't need anymore of such shit. I'm telling you, my parents have the patience of a saint, especially my mum. She's got a temper and all but she never loses her cool when dealing with petty matters. Which is something I want to emulate.
So, I'm biting my tongue back and just going with the flow...It's alright, they can be as idiotic as they wish to be...I'm just going to continue helping the "innocent"...No sense getting pulled into the skirmish...Perhaps, I could even be the mediator? I know lah...a bit the fat lah the hope but I have to be neutral...No one can stop me from helping someone. Hmmm...sometimes, being the odd one out does allow certain benefits...Others may get hell but me or any of my family for that matter? We get away with it...because we've always been the oddity.
But enough about me...I'm leaving for Bali so I'd just leave my cares behind...I just want to break free, even if it means just for a little while.
BYE!
(PS. I'm developing wrist muscles. I think.)
Sunday, December 03, 2006
one, two, three...
Went to Geylang to look for something. Didn't quite get it. Damn it. (Geylang's real different without the bazaars...hmmm) So, got some sappy love story instead. Mummy dearest said that it's nice so since I've been quite a donkey lately, I went ahead and got it. Even though, I know I'm not going to like it much. I hate tearjerkers. Especially overloaded types...like "hikmah" and most other sinetrons, serials etc...aiyah..never mind..think of the message...the message...(ooh...the message's a good film...not the messenger, mind you. we're not doing french history/myth here...)
Went on to Bugis. Didn't find the other thing I was looking for. Crap.
But...all is not lost...
I found me my bag. Salesperson was real sweet too...she kinda let me use her discount or something... hehehe....shhhhh...jangan bilang orang...rahsia....(on second thought, did i have that "pity-me" label on my face again?!)
And another thing, I've been on a crazy reading spree of sorts...and I'm in the fantasy phase of things...so, erm...got me three new books...actually, should count them as one coz they're part of a trilogy.
Well, see here...I've just recently completed Eragon and Eldest. I'm not going to say that they're the best of reads but I like dragons and talking ones with conscience are pretty cool. (But seriously, the author's got to make himself more unique the next time he attempts fantasy...for a young dude, it's forgivable but no more...Tolkien is Tolkien and Middle-earth and all the connecting histories are his...Don't try to be a Tolkien. But oh well...)
So...I've just embarked on a new world...this time, that of magicians...starting with "The Magician's Guild" by Trudi Canavan. So far, so good...but heheh...the cutest thing I've come across today would be the book flip...It's just so cool...you see, there are two parts to the flip...one's a clip of sorts while the other's this dangly string...soooo...what you do is to clip the flip to the spine of your book and use the string as a the bookmark...that way...you will never lose your bookmark...isn't that clever? at least, i think so....:OP...i did mention that small things amuse small minds, didn't I?
Anyway, my 3 happy thingies...
1. My books...
2. Bus rides....
3. My bookflip
(For more information on bookflips, feel free to check out bookflip.com)
Went on to Bugis. Didn't find the other thing I was looking for. Crap.
But...all is not lost...
I found me my bag. Salesperson was real sweet too...she kinda let me use her discount or something... hehehe....shhhhh...jangan bilang orang...rahsia....(on second thought, did i have that "pity-me" label on my face again?!)
And another thing, I've been on a crazy reading spree of sorts...and I'm in the fantasy phase of things...so, erm...got me three new books...actually, should count them as one coz they're part of a trilogy.
Well, see here...I've just recently completed Eragon and Eldest. I'm not going to say that they're the best of reads but I like dragons and talking ones with conscience are pretty cool. (But seriously, the author's got to make himself more unique the next time he attempts fantasy...for a young dude, it's forgivable but no more...Tolkien is Tolkien and Middle-earth and all the connecting histories are his...Don't try to be a Tolkien. But oh well...)
So...I've just embarked on a new world...this time, that of magicians...starting with "The Magician's Guild" by Trudi Canavan. So far, so good...but heheh...the cutest thing I've come across today would be the book flip...It's just so cool...you see, there are two parts to the flip...one's a clip of sorts while the other's this dangly string...soooo...what you do is to clip the flip to the spine of your book and use the string as a the bookmark...that way...you will never lose your bookmark...isn't that clever? at least, i think so....:OP...i did mention that small things amuse small minds, didn't I?
Anyway, my 3 happy thingies...
1. My books...
2. Bus rides....
3. My bookflip
(For more information on bookflips, feel free to check out bookflip.com)
season of giving
We meet again, my friend.
Got back pretty late last night coz of wedding dinner. This is the third such celebration I've attended in the past 3 weeks or so and I'm spared from other similar affairs only because of there was no "halal" menu for them...They (brides/grooms) apologized and never have apologies been met with such sincere avowals of "it's ok". I mean it, it's really, really ok. Mahal banget si ini wedding dinner. It's like prom (which I did not attend) kena multiplied. Eh, don't get me wrong...the gifts are ikhlas but hell people, couldn't you guys space out your wedding dates or something? It's freaking draining.
And I still got a couple more to go. Eh salah...at least 3 more, one of which is my own cousin's. This one cannot be helped lah..I'm kinda excited about it coz he's marrying my friend's cousin! The interconnectedness of this whole situation is rather cute. But then again, this interconnectedness is pretty common though it has always managed to amaze and amuse me.
Speaking of being amused, I've just been amused. I didn't realize that I was linked to some pgl musical blogspot review thing. It's a bit the weird to see yourself linked...aku tak tahu pon. Kalau tahu, aku boleh eksyen jadi reviewer...hehhee...one of my "berangan"(daydreaming) moments again...But, I am amused.
People say small things amuse small minds. Erm...fair enough.
Gee...I feel super tired at the moment...
***
3 things that made me happy (yesterday)
1. Seeing my colleagues at the wedding dinner and just having fun throughout the entire, hmmm, thing.
2. Seeing surprised/shocked expressions turn into smiles.
3. Getting home before midnight.
***
Got back pretty late last night coz of wedding dinner. This is the third such celebration I've attended in the past 3 weeks or so and I'm spared from other similar affairs only because of there was no "halal" menu for them...They (brides/grooms) apologized and never have apologies been met with such sincere avowals of "it's ok". I mean it, it's really, really ok. Mahal banget si ini wedding dinner. It's like prom (which I did not attend) kena multiplied. Eh, don't get me wrong...the gifts are ikhlas but hell people, couldn't you guys space out your wedding dates or something? It's freaking draining.
And I still got a couple more to go. Eh salah...at least 3 more, one of which is my own cousin's. This one cannot be helped lah..I'm kinda excited about it coz he's marrying my friend's cousin! The interconnectedness of this whole situation is rather cute. But then again, this interconnectedness is pretty common though it has always managed to amaze and amuse me.
Speaking of being amused, I've just been amused. I didn't realize that I was linked to some pgl musical blogspot review thing. It's a bit the weird to see yourself linked...aku tak tahu pon. Kalau tahu, aku boleh eksyen jadi reviewer...hehhee...one of my "berangan"(daydreaming) moments again...But, I am amused.
People say small things amuse small minds. Erm...fair enough.
Gee...I feel super tired at the moment...
***
3 things that made me happy (yesterday)
1. Seeing my colleagues at the wedding dinner and just having fun throughout the entire, hmmm, thing.
2. Seeing surprised/shocked expressions turn into smiles.
3. Getting home before midnight.
***
Saturday, December 02, 2006
sorry
Aiseh man...I was in Marina yet again. Only consolation is that I did not go to Suntec. Tapi ini muka ada plaster "city hall".
Anyway, went to work. It was just merepek. All those I needed to see weren't around so, bummer. My colleague cum friend was late so I went off first and waited for her for about 90 mins or so at Delifrance. You see, we were supposed to dash off together to "prepare" for our Bali trip. No big deal lah...I got to read my book so erm...that was fine.
Anyhow, we finally managed to scoot off and so we did. Spent ages deciding on friggin' stationery and erm, by the time we started to "prepare", the shop was closing so we did what we could - troop down to Esplanade. Erm, lady singing to crowd wasn't that great but oh well...
This is where we had quite a long conversation. About insecurities, marriage, support, sorrow etc. Along the way, I kinda realized how we often overlook things that are at hand while pining for those that are not. However, we forget that the overlooked are the ones that give us the support that we sorely need and look to. For example, in a class of 30 - 40. The naughty ones will stand out. Those will give you the heartache and yet those are the ones you try the darnednest to "win over" or at least "control". However, when you feel that things are just falling apart, you kinda look to the "stable" ones to keep you stable...I mean, that's for me lah...So erm, yah...
Aiyah...at this moment, I'm just too tired to think really...so erm...bye!
***
3 things that made me happy yesterday -
1. Having a brownie with ice cream.
2. Sitting by the water thing at Esplanade and just talking.
3. The bus ride home.
2 things I have learnt from today -
1. Realizing that you can't empathize with everything and everyone but you can definitely try to understand. (If you have not lived through something, empathizing feels rather superficial and can be pretty insulting to the person going through the trauma...but heck...)
2. I hide my insecurities behind my ego and it hurts others. I'm sorry.
***
Anyway, went to work. It was just merepek. All those I needed to see weren't around so, bummer. My colleague cum friend was late so I went off first and waited for her for about 90 mins or so at Delifrance. You see, we were supposed to dash off together to "prepare" for our Bali trip. No big deal lah...I got to read my book so erm...that was fine.
Anyhow, we finally managed to scoot off and so we did. Spent ages deciding on friggin' stationery and erm, by the time we started to "prepare", the shop was closing so we did what we could - troop down to Esplanade. Erm, lady singing to crowd wasn't that great but oh well...
This is where we had quite a long conversation. About insecurities, marriage, support, sorrow etc. Along the way, I kinda realized how we often overlook things that are at hand while pining for those that are not. However, we forget that the overlooked are the ones that give us the support that we sorely need and look to. For example, in a class of 30 - 40. The naughty ones will stand out. Those will give you the heartache and yet those are the ones you try the darnednest to "win over" or at least "control". However, when you feel that things are just falling apart, you kinda look to the "stable" ones to keep you stable...I mean, that's for me lah...So erm, yah...
Aiyah...at this moment, I'm just too tired to think really...so erm...bye!
***
3 things that made me happy yesterday -
1. Having a brownie with ice cream.
2. Sitting by the water thing at Esplanade and just talking.
3. The bus ride home.
2 things I have learnt from today -
1. Realizing that you can't empathize with everything and everyone but you can definitely try to understand. (If you have not lived through something, empathizing feels rather superficial and can be pretty insulting to the person going through the trauma...but heck...)
2. I hide my insecurities behind my ego and it hurts others. I'm sorry.
***
Friday, December 01, 2006
the "date"
Allo.
I just got back from my "date" and suffice to say that it was a blast.
As mentioned, I didn't get the flowers but I did bring enough epok-epok to feed the whole family. It was nice to see Cik X again after so long. She spoke to me of responsibilities and parenthood and stuff which kinda made me feel bad about how I behave towards my parents. It was kinda a good reminder lah.
My "date" was late but it was great once she turned up. She liked the dress and I finally got to give her her long overdue wedding gift. I didn't expect to get home so late but as it was, her hubby decided to join us once he knocked off from work and as such, we proceeded to Simpang Bedok for a late dinner. It was just whacky sitting down there and babbling and it kinda dawned on me how much I missed those times when we used to hang out that way at various places some time back.
They finally 'fessed up that they, or rather, my idiotic adik angkat did try to matchmake me once upon some time ago. I knew it at that stage and today simply confirmed it. I've said it once and I'd say it again - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MATCHMAKE ME. I recall that pathetic attempt. I refused to speak to the guy and basically ignored him most of the time precisely because I knew they (my "darling" friends) were up to something.
Another thing is, I dunno why lah but she (my "date") is the third person who thinks that I probably will not marry a local. I do not know why. What am I? Alien? Mana lah aku nak cari non-local? Kan ke merepek? Ntah lah...Jodoh pertemuan's not in my hands anyway. I'd just live as I always have and in time, things will happen when they're supposed to.
On another note, my mother thinks I have a bf. She has not said it out loud but it's so duh oredi lah. Kesian mummy dearest. She seriously thinks that I'm hiding something from her. Dia tak tahu yang anak dia ni betul betul takde masa untuk berdating-dating. Dia pon tak sedar anak dia ni ada sikit biol. Manalah ada orang yang sanggup buang masa ngan orang yang tak stabil ni? Haiseh mother, rilek ah...Gua swinging single lah...
***
Anyway, today was nice so hmmm, I'd just post three things that made me happiest:
1. Seeing "date" and family plus hubby and hanging out till midnight.
2. Getting to pet the eksyen terror cat which was so damn adorable.
3. The long bus ride and long walk that helped calm my nerves and gave me a sense of peace for a while. I needed that alone time for a bit.
***
I just got back from my "date" and suffice to say that it was a blast.
As mentioned, I didn't get the flowers but I did bring enough epok-epok to feed the whole family. It was nice to see Cik X again after so long. She spoke to me of responsibilities and parenthood and stuff which kinda made me feel bad about how I behave towards my parents. It was kinda a good reminder lah.
My "date" was late but it was great once she turned up. She liked the dress and I finally got to give her her long overdue wedding gift. I didn't expect to get home so late but as it was, her hubby decided to join us once he knocked off from work and as such, we proceeded to Simpang Bedok for a late dinner. It was just whacky sitting down there and babbling and it kinda dawned on me how much I missed those times when we used to hang out that way at various places some time back.
They finally 'fessed up that they, or rather, my idiotic adik angkat did try to matchmake me once upon some time ago. I knew it at that stage and today simply confirmed it. I've said it once and I'd say it again - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MATCHMAKE ME. I recall that pathetic attempt. I refused to speak to the guy and basically ignored him most of the time precisely because I knew they (my "darling" friends) were up to something.
Another thing is, I dunno why lah but she (my "date") is the third person who thinks that I probably will not marry a local. I do not know why. What am I? Alien? Mana lah aku nak cari non-local? Kan ke merepek? Ntah lah...Jodoh pertemuan's not in my hands anyway. I'd just live as I always have and in time, things will happen when they're supposed to.
On another note, my mother thinks I have a bf. She has not said it out loud but it's so duh oredi lah. Kesian mummy dearest. She seriously thinks that I'm hiding something from her. Dia tak tahu yang anak dia ni betul betul takde masa untuk berdating-dating. Dia pon tak sedar anak dia ni ada sikit biol. Manalah ada orang yang sanggup buang masa ngan orang yang tak stabil ni? Haiseh mother, rilek ah...Gua swinging single lah...
***
Anyway, today was nice so hmmm, I'd just post three things that made me happiest:
1. Seeing "date" and family plus hubby and hanging out till midnight.
2. Getting to pet the eksyen terror cat which was so damn adorable.
3. The long bus ride and long walk that helped calm my nerves and gave me a sense of peace for a while. I needed that alone time for a bit.
***
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
suntec city
To date, I've been to Suntec at least 4 times in the past week or so. Today marked yet another trip down to the not-so-little mall.
I've been feeling a little pissish the whole day. The whole day felt rather annoying and I just wanted to sleep but I had to drag my butt down to Carrefour in the late evening to run a couple of errands. It didn't help that I washed my hair just before that and I think the freaking shampoo kinda gave an attitude boost to my hair and it decided to be a rebel for the day. Macam nak shave ajer...Leciak betul...
Didn't manage to get one of the items on the list and unlike yesterday, folks I tried to smile to just turned away today. Hmmm...next time, I'm reserving my smiles for nice old ladies in the mornings. Hmmph. It's just a friggin' smile. You just need to nod if you think that the process of tugging the corners of your mouth upwards is simply too much of a hassle. :OP
But, in line with my 3 things that make me happy habit, here goes -
1. I found the dress thing that my friend wanted! Been trying to get it for the past few days (dari Orchard ke Choa Chu Kang) and then, good ol' Suntec's the one that has it. So, that was good. Hope she likes it.
2. Just when my pissisim was hitting an unnatural high, I heard Rhythm of the Falling Rain, this not very happy but sound happy song from the 60s or so which kinda lightened my heart and made me smile. My dad used to play that song (along with many others) all the time and I would sing along so yeah...that was nice.
3. I saw the DHL balloon. Don't ask me why that makes me happy. It just does. :OP
***
Oh, and one other thing...decided against flowers for tomorrow...:OP
I've been feeling a little pissish the whole day. The whole day felt rather annoying and I just wanted to sleep but I had to drag my butt down to Carrefour in the late evening to run a couple of errands. It didn't help that I washed my hair just before that and I think the freaking shampoo kinda gave an attitude boost to my hair and it decided to be a rebel for the day. Macam nak shave ajer...Leciak betul...
Didn't manage to get one of the items on the list and unlike yesterday, folks I tried to smile to just turned away today. Hmmm...next time, I'm reserving my smiles for nice old ladies in the mornings. Hmmph. It's just a friggin' smile. You just need to nod if you think that the process of tugging the corners of your mouth upwards is simply too much of a hassle. :OP
But, in line with my 3 things that make me happy habit, here goes -
1. I found the dress thing that my friend wanted! Been trying to get it for the past few days (dari Orchard ke Choa Chu Kang) and then, good ol' Suntec's the one that has it. So, that was good. Hope she likes it.
2. Just when my pissisim was hitting an unnatural high, I heard Rhythm of the Falling Rain, this not very happy but sound happy song from the 60s or so which kinda lightened my heart and made me smile. My dad used to play that song (along with many others) all the time and I would sing along so yeah...that was nice.
3. I saw the DHL balloon. Don't ask me why that makes me happy. It just does. :OP
***
Oh, and one other thing...decided against flowers for tomorrow...:OP
under the sea
Hehehe...I don't know if I've mentioned this but I finally got my hands on a copy of the 2-Disc Platinum Edition DVD of The Little Mermaid!!! And I'm pleased as punch about it. Erm, it kinda made me reflect back on this.
Thank goodness I got it myself. I don't think I want to marry someone just yet.
Plus, my matchmaking skills are atrocious. (I'm Miss Emma Woodhouse plus self-awareness...Must be all those reflection crap I had to do...)
Thank goodness I got it myself. I don't think I want to marry someone just yet.
Plus, my matchmaking skills are atrocious. (I'm Miss Emma Woodhouse plus self-awareness...Must be all those reflection crap I had to do...)
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
flashback
Allo...
Today's interesting. Little bozoic kiddos didn't turn up which kinda pissed me off but I half expected it so...whatever.
However, I finished my packing....so voila, my table's all cleaned up. I'd take snapshots of "cleansed" table...For now, I got the before shots ....
On the other hand, I'd do that tomorrow...malas lah want to upload...
Went to watch a performance of sorts. Not too bad though the "heart beat" could have been steadier... Met a few folks from way back in secondary...gosh...that was quite a flashback...
Come to think about it, today kinda felt like a flashback...
- The packing is reminiscient of my time trying to get rid of my clutter at the end of every secondary year (some folks might mistake me for being a karung guni's daughter and I don't blame them.)
- The performance brought me back to my crazy band years. The crazy, stressful yet strangely euphoric feeling of being part of "the band".
- The folks I met: From that senior of yesteryear to my ex-classmates... Gosh...time really flew by...
Well, interesting day.
***
Oh, and another thing...I'm trying to start a habit of thinking about 3 things that make me happy at the end of each day...So let's start now:
1. I gave and received smiles from total strangers and that felt kinda nice.
2. I made one of the kiddos happy by simply turning up and in return, I felt happy.
3. I confirmed a "date" for Thursday and I'm truly looking forward to it. Should I get flowers? Hmmm....
***
Toodles.
Today's interesting. Little bozoic kiddos didn't turn up which kinda pissed me off but I half expected it so...whatever.
However, I finished my packing....so voila, my table's all cleaned up. I'd take snapshots of "cleansed" table...For now, I got the before shots ....
On the other hand, I'd do that tomorrow...malas lah want to upload...
Went to watch a performance of sorts. Not too bad though the "heart beat" could have been steadier... Met a few folks from way back in secondary...gosh...that was quite a flashback...
Come to think about it, today kinda felt like a flashback...
- The packing is reminiscient of my time trying to get rid of my clutter at the end of every secondary year (some folks might mistake me for being a karung guni's daughter and I don't blame them.)
- The performance brought me back to my crazy band years. The crazy, stressful yet strangely euphoric feeling of being part of "the band".
- The folks I met: From that senior of yesteryear to my ex-classmates... Gosh...time really flew by...
Well, interesting day.
***
Oh, and another thing...I'm trying to start a habit of thinking about 3 things that make me happy at the end of each day...So let's start now:
1. I gave and received smiles from total strangers and that felt kinda nice.
2. I made one of the kiddos happy by simply turning up and in return, I felt happy.
3. I confirmed a "date" for Thursday and I'm truly looking forward to it. Should I get flowers? Hmmm....
***
Toodles.
crushed
It's been about 4 years since I realized that I got myself a crush on him. It's sooooo stooopid.
***
This is the problem with hols. You kinda have too much time on your hands and your brain starts to think about stoooopid things. I really need to get it out of my system. I hate crushes. It's not a comfortable feeling.
***
I never really had r/s problems because I never got myself involved in any. My kiddos (and some friends) think I'm kidding but seriously, never happened. I'm kinda glad about it though so erm, no worries there but there's this bit that no one can really run away from and that's the whole thing known as developing feelings. Simply put - crushes. Crushes are kinda borne out of emotions which means that you don't quite have control over them. I mean, you can always choose to pursue something but you don't quite choose the people you have feelings for. You know what I mean? You just do and most times, it doesn't quite make sense? So well, yeah...I've had crushes and I never enjoyed them. It's just an icky feeling.
Let's just reminisce for a while -
Hmmm...to make things less complex, all celebrities, cute strange boys you don't really know etc will not be discussed here.
Ok...let me see now...when I was in Sec One, there used to be this kid who would give his little sis a ride on his bike every morning and I always thought that it was hyper-sweet of him. Hence, somewhere along the way, I found myself looking forward to seeing him on that bike of his and hmmm, guess that was a crush of sorts. I know his name but I never spoke to the guy. But that's just me...Anyway, it kinda flew by...the crush I mean. Oh yeah, he was kinda cute in his own way. And WAS, is a key word to use in this case. (Hmmm...did I like coz he was cute or was he cute because I liked him? Hmmm....)
Somewhere along the way, got the more nonsense ones (meaning, random cute guys here and there) till Kaarat. Kaarat was the guy I knew during the PAE period (the "trial" period at a pre-uni institution). He was incredibly nice, kinda shy and had a certain resoluteness that I respected. One of the more painful things that occurred during the time was knowing he liked someone else and being the pal that I was (macam real), I helped him. Not that it worked coz the girl was so not interested but still, it hurt. I never told him coz I didn't want it to hurt the friendship and you know, it was a really good thing I didn't coz he changed as time went on and the Kaarat I knew kinda got lost. I still miss my PAE Kaarat but I guess people's gotta change eh?
Kaarat thing wasn't too bad lah...got over it pretty quickly since Kaarat became a jerk quite speedily soooo...that brings us to Teddie. I don't think I can forget how assholic I was to Teddie. He was in a couple of my classes and during the "introduction" thing that the tutor was facilitating, I remember asking Teddie which school he had previously gone to and went on to proclaim loudly, clearly and condescendingly that all guys from his school were top-of-the-line jerks. He was taken aback lah and erm, I had to eat my words because he turned out to be a real sweetheart. A doofus but a sweetheart of a doofus.
Now, the crush on Teddie wasn't one of those lup-at-first-sight (DUH). In fact, I had to befriend him mainly coz another pal had a crush on him. With rolling eyes, I promised to do so since I shared several classes with him. Anyhow, throughout the two years, he kinda got hooked up with some girl so my friend got broken hearted but funnily enough, we remained friends. It was after school was over that I realized that I liked the guy. We did go out a couple of times but I never told him how I felt. I couldn't lah. So, he went off to study overseas. We still kept in contact and in a way, we still do but honestly, I came to see that perhaps, as I grew up, I became more certain about what it is that I wish for in a guy and as sweetheart-ish as he was, he's not for me. So yeah...
And that brings us to Exhaust Pipe or EP for short. It has been 4 years already. Honestly, EP isn't cute. He's got a sense of humour that only he understands and appreciates. He's kinda rude and can potentially be such a friggin' jerk when he speaks before he thinks (which is almost all the time). He's not a SNAG (far, faaaarrrr from it). There's really not much to recommend him except that he's got a very kind heart and he would truly go out of his way for a friend. That is something I've witnessed on countless occasions and that kinda drew me to him. But the thing about him that made me develop such icky feelings would probably because we're alike in many ways. Not in terms of interests or whatever but rather in the way we choose to mask our feelings behind indifference in my case or rudeness in his. The thing is, we click which isn't really easy to find coz most times, I'm not particularly comfortable with guys coz hmmm...I don't know...I'm just not. He's the exception.
Crap lah...I really need to get over it. I'm sick and tired of feeling how I feel.
Aarggh...it's okay...it's alright...it will pass. Gosh, EP, please, go get married or something...that would definitely help.
Heck.
I'm waayyy too old to entertain crushes.
I'd rather be crushed than to continue feeling a sense of hope which is undoubtedly, futile. Just crush me and get on with it.
***
This is the problem with hols. You kinda have too much time on your hands and your brain starts to think about stoooopid things. I really need to get it out of my system. I hate crushes. It's not a comfortable feeling.
***
I never really had r/s problems because I never got myself involved in any. My kiddos (and some friends) think I'm kidding but seriously, never happened. I'm kinda glad about it though so erm, no worries there but there's this bit that no one can really run away from and that's the whole thing known as developing feelings. Simply put - crushes. Crushes are kinda borne out of emotions which means that you don't quite have control over them. I mean, you can always choose to pursue something but you don't quite choose the people you have feelings for. You know what I mean? You just do and most times, it doesn't quite make sense? So well, yeah...I've had crushes and I never enjoyed them. It's just an icky feeling.
Let's just reminisce for a while -
Hmmm...to make things less complex, all celebrities, cute strange boys you don't really know etc will not be discussed here.
Ok...let me see now...when I was in Sec One, there used to be this kid who would give his little sis a ride on his bike every morning and I always thought that it was hyper-sweet of him. Hence, somewhere along the way, I found myself looking forward to seeing him on that bike of his and hmmm, guess that was a crush of sorts. I know his name but I never spoke to the guy. But that's just me...Anyway, it kinda flew by...the crush I mean. Oh yeah, he was kinda cute in his own way. And WAS, is a key word to use in this case. (Hmmm...did I like coz he was cute or was he cute because I liked him? Hmmm....)
Somewhere along the way, got the more nonsense ones (meaning, random cute guys here and there) till Kaarat. Kaarat was the guy I knew during the PAE period (the "trial" period at a pre-uni institution). He was incredibly nice, kinda shy and had a certain resoluteness that I respected. One of the more painful things that occurred during the time was knowing he liked someone else and being the pal that I was (macam real), I helped him. Not that it worked coz the girl was so not interested but still, it hurt. I never told him coz I didn't want it to hurt the friendship and you know, it was a really good thing I didn't coz he changed as time went on and the Kaarat I knew kinda got lost. I still miss my PAE Kaarat but I guess people's gotta change eh?
Kaarat thing wasn't too bad lah...got over it pretty quickly since Kaarat became a jerk quite speedily soooo...that brings us to Teddie. I don't think I can forget how assholic I was to Teddie. He was in a couple of my classes and during the "introduction" thing that the tutor was facilitating, I remember asking Teddie which school he had previously gone to and went on to proclaim loudly, clearly and condescendingly that all guys from his school were top-of-the-line jerks. He was taken aback lah and erm, I had to eat my words because he turned out to be a real sweetheart. A doofus but a sweetheart of a doofus.
Now, the crush on Teddie wasn't one of those lup-at-first-sight (DUH). In fact, I had to befriend him mainly coz another pal had a crush on him. With rolling eyes, I promised to do so since I shared several classes with him. Anyhow, throughout the two years, he kinda got hooked up with some girl so my friend got broken hearted but funnily enough, we remained friends. It was after school was over that I realized that I liked the guy. We did go out a couple of times but I never told him how I felt. I couldn't lah. So, he went off to study overseas. We still kept in contact and in a way, we still do but honestly, I came to see that perhaps, as I grew up, I became more certain about what it is that I wish for in a guy and as sweetheart-ish as he was, he's not for me. So yeah...
And that brings us to Exhaust Pipe or EP for short. It has been 4 years already. Honestly, EP isn't cute. He's got a sense of humour that only he understands and appreciates. He's kinda rude and can potentially be such a friggin' jerk when he speaks before he thinks (which is almost all the time). He's not a SNAG (far, faaaarrrr from it). There's really not much to recommend him except that he's got a very kind heart and he would truly go out of his way for a friend. That is something I've witnessed on countless occasions and that kinda drew me to him. But the thing about him that made me develop such icky feelings would probably because we're alike in many ways. Not in terms of interests or whatever but rather in the way we choose to mask our feelings behind indifference in my case or rudeness in his. The thing is, we click which isn't really easy to find coz most times, I'm not particularly comfortable with guys coz hmmm...I don't know...I'm just not. He's the exception.
Crap lah...I really need to get over it. I'm sick and tired of feeling how I feel.
Aarggh...it's okay...it's alright...it will pass. Gosh, EP, please, go get married or something...that would definitely help.
Heck.
I'm waayyy too old to entertain crushes.
I'd rather be crushed than to continue feeling a sense of hope which is undoubtedly, futile. Just crush me and get on with it.
Monday, November 27, 2006
sleep debt
Ni sesungguhnya random.
I've been sleeping almost the whole day away. Penat semacam and heehhe...padan muka.
You see, you know the Princess Hours craze that's been hitting folks all round? Okok, some folks anyway...well, I wanted to know what the huge deal is so I decided to watch it. And me, being me, refuse to watch episode by episode...Macam boring gitu...so, I decided to watch them all at one sitting (with the help of fast forward button).
Now the FF button's pretty nifty but even so, I still wound up staying up all night through...(about 8.30 pm Saturday night all the way to 11.30 am Sunday morning) and erm...given that Sunday was PGL nite and so I had to meet pal at Suntec by 5.30, I could only afford to sleep till about 3 pm since baju belum gosok etc etc. (I hate ironing)
Sooooo....today's the balas balik day. Something known as sleep debt and boy, was I paying back. As I'm typing this, I'm yawning away...gatalkan...padan muka lu....
On another note, I've mastered a couple of other songs! Okok...so mastered's not the word to use...I can play lah...hehehhe...I'm just happie dappie whoopie doopie glad.
Now, I've got to start psyching myself up to be all adult coz tomorrow's another work day and I gotta be all grown up. Bleargh.
On another note, next week's Bali week...next week's Bali week...next week's Bali week... come on, folks, sing along with me...next week's Bali week....okok..dah malas nak type.
YAY!!!
I've been sleeping almost the whole day away. Penat semacam and heehhe...padan muka.
You see, you know the Princess Hours craze that's been hitting folks all round? Okok, some folks anyway...well, I wanted to know what the huge deal is so I decided to watch it. And me, being me, refuse to watch episode by episode...Macam boring gitu...so, I decided to watch them all at one sitting (with the help of fast forward button).
Now the FF button's pretty nifty but even so, I still wound up staying up all night through...(about 8.30 pm Saturday night all the way to 11.30 am Sunday morning) and erm...given that Sunday was PGL nite and so I had to meet pal at Suntec by 5.30, I could only afford to sleep till about 3 pm since baju belum gosok etc etc. (I hate ironing)
Sooooo....today's the balas balik day. Something known as sleep debt and boy, was I paying back. As I'm typing this, I'm yawning away...gatalkan...padan muka lu....
On another note, I've mastered a couple of other songs! Okok...so mastered's not the word to use...I can play lah...hehehhe...I'm just happie dappie whoopie doopie glad.
Now, I've got to start psyching myself up to be all adult coz tomorrow's another work day and I gotta be all grown up. Bleargh.
On another note, next week's Bali week...next week's Bali week...next week's Bali week... come on, folks, sing along with me...next week's Bali week....okok..dah malas nak type.
YAY!!!
PGL
Hey hey...I just got back from the Esplanade - Theatres By The Bay. It was my PGL night! And it was not disappointing.
Honestly, I had prepared myself to keep an open mind regarding the musical. I mean, think about it, first of all, the storyline's a little bit warped. Secondly, it compromises everything that Hang Tuah is supposed to represent (read = super duper blind loyalty). Thirdly, friggin Hang Tuah's a white dude who can't speak the language. And the list goes on. Furthermore, the movie version was a little on the s-l-o-w side with loads of cinematic rubbish and the like (eh, I did like it lah...) and the ending for the movie's a little on the bittersweet side which might not go down so well as a musical.
So there I was, all prepared for the worst and honestly lah, my worries were not exactly baseless but since I managed to convince Ms Cynic to stay away for tonight, it was all in all, extremely entertaining. For the three hours I was there, I just immersed myself in the magic that is theatre and enjoyed it for what it was - an exuberant and lively show with a couple of surprises thrown in. It was really nice to see that PGL didn't take itself too seriously this time round as it did in the film. I especially enjoyed the little Barry Manilow-like routine of Sultan Mahmud. It smacks of his overconfidence, overbearing-ness and frivolity, even if it was done at the expense of the charisma that is expected of a sacred ruler or raja berdaulat. It was just fun.
Besides the Sultan, AC Mizal definitely stood out in his portrayal of the Adipati and he deserved the loud cheers he received at the end of the night.
As for vocalists, most did pretty okay though the standout female performer for me was Bayan. She had this beautiful voice that was so rich and soothing. Most of the time, I kinda wished she had sung the Gusti's bits as well. Hehehe...no offense but Tiara's got some way to go. She wasn't bad but Bayan was indeed very good.
And seriously, what is PGL without the leads - Gusti and Tuah? Well, white dude's not too bad lah...his opening lines were pretty well articulated with the right pronounciation and all. He did have several lapses but considering that the guy doesn't even speak the language, he did a great job. Furthermore, he was real easy on the eyes though I think what really struck me about him were his dance moves and that deep, well-trained Broadway voice of his. Which brings us to Tiara. She's not a singer but it was quite evident that she had been training very hard because she sounded pretty decent for someone who probably never really sung live much prior to the musical. But her dance moves and presence were undeniably felt. I doubt another Gusti could have been good enough. But then again, who knows?
Besides the actors, the props and music were amazing. Honestly, everything was pretty good so I'm just going to limit myself to the props because that bit caught my attention the most. Somehow, the people behind the musical managed to capture the essence of different areas with clever use of these tall grand-canyon like structures, cloth and light. It was simply beautiful.
If PGL ever comes back to Singapore or even stages another one in KL, I would definitely watch it again (providing that the KL one coincides with holidays.) Well, great effort so huge bouquets all around for the people behind PGL.
I had a great night.
See ya!
Honestly, I had prepared myself to keep an open mind regarding the musical. I mean, think about it, first of all, the storyline's a little bit warped. Secondly, it compromises everything that Hang Tuah is supposed to represent (read = super duper blind loyalty). Thirdly, friggin Hang Tuah's a white dude who can't speak the language. And the list goes on. Furthermore, the movie version was a little on the s-l-o-w side with loads of cinematic rubbish and the like (eh, I did like it lah...) and the ending for the movie's a little on the bittersweet side which might not go down so well as a musical.
So there I was, all prepared for the worst and honestly lah, my worries were not exactly baseless but since I managed to convince Ms Cynic to stay away for tonight, it was all in all, extremely entertaining. For the three hours I was there, I just immersed myself in the magic that is theatre and enjoyed it for what it was - an exuberant and lively show with a couple of surprises thrown in. It was really nice to see that PGL didn't take itself too seriously this time round as it did in the film. I especially enjoyed the little Barry Manilow-like routine of Sultan Mahmud. It smacks of his overconfidence, overbearing-ness and frivolity, even if it was done at the expense of the charisma that is expected of a sacred ruler or raja berdaulat. It was just fun.
Besides the Sultan, AC Mizal definitely stood out in his portrayal of the Adipati and he deserved the loud cheers he received at the end of the night.
As for vocalists, most did pretty okay though the standout female performer for me was Bayan. She had this beautiful voice that was so rich and soothing. Most of the time, I kinda wished she had sung the Gusti's bits as well. Hehehe...no offense but Tiara's got some way to go. She wasn't bad but Bayan was indeed very good.
And seriously, what is PGL without the leads - Gusti and Tuah? Well, white dude's not too bad lah...his opening lines were pretty well articulated with the right pronounciation and all. He did have several lapses but considering that the guy doesn't even speak the language, he did a great job. Furthermore, he was real easy on the eyes though I think what really struck me about him were his dance moves and that deep, well-trained Broadway voice of his. Which brings us to Tiara. She's not a singer but it was quite evident that she had been training very hard because she sounded pretty decent for someone who probably never really sung live much prior to the musical. But her dance moves and presence were undeniably felt. I doubt another Gusti could have been good enough. But then again, who knows?
Besides the actors, the props and music were amazing. Honestly, everything was pretty good so I'm just going to limit myself to the props because that bit caught my attention the most. Somehow, the people behind the musical managed to capture the essence of different areas with clever use of these tall grand-canyon like structures, cloth and light. It was simply beautiful.
If PGL ever comes back to Singapore or even stages another one in KL, I would definitely watch it again (providing that the KL one coincides with holidays.) Well, great effort so huge bouquets all around for the people behind PGL.
I had a great night.
See ya!
Saturday, November 25, 2006
emma-fied
I've been on an emma-streak lately.
I'm currently reading Emma. It has been so for a couple of weeks now coz it's serving as my "travel" book since it's so cute and small. See....
I've also been watching these -
Hehehe...I tend to do that. I go through phases. I think once I'm through with emma, I'd probably re-read the other austen works. I already had my Pride and Prejudice fix (read the book, watched Colin Firth's P&P, Rai's Bride&P and Knightley's P&P in a day.) So erm, might need to revisit my Mansfield Park next. Guess, collectively, this would be my Austen phase which is part of my classics phase.
Hmmm...I'm just waiting for Harry Potter so that my whole fantasy phase can kick in. So erm, yeah.
For now, I will continue with my reading.
I'm currently reading Emma. It has been so for a couple of weeks now coz it's serving as my "travel" book since it's so cute and small. See....
I've also been watching these -
Hehehe...I tend to do that. I go through phases. I think once I'm through with emma, I'd probably re-read the other austen works. I already had my Pride and Prejudice fix (read the book, watched Colin Firth's P&P, Rai's Bride&P and Knightley's P&P in a day.) So erm, might need to revisit my Mansfield Park next. Guess, collectively, this would be my Austen phase which is part of my classics phase.
Hmmm...I'm just waiting for Harry Potter so that my whole fantasy phase can kick in. So erm, yeah.
For now, I will continue with my reading.
Friday, November 24, 2006
kiter testing eh...
First of all, let's meet my mascot - Slang which is angmohfied for Selenge.
Ello Slang!
Ok, ni close-up shot...ALLOOOO....
Now, he's my friend. He's seen me at my wackiest because he sits on my table at work. Or at least, he used to.
So erm, elloooooo. again.
Ello Slang!
Ok, ni close-up shot...ALLOOOO....
Now, he's my friend. He's seen me at my wackiest because he sits on my table at work. Or at least, he used to.
So erm, elloooooo. again.
the real deal
I am an educator. Let's not pretend otherwise.
Now in this little world I'm slowly adjusting to, things aren't really what they seem. Perhaps, I was the one with the rose-tinted glasses but let's just say that things are getting a lot clearer, even if they aren't exactly prettier.
During the first couple of years or so, I had big dreams and even grander notions of what it would mean to join the profession. At that time, many were joining it so as to escape the economic slump in the private sector but that was never my intent.
I am, by and large, a lazy person. I kinda like to go with the flow and the teaching track seem to suit that kinda flow I wanted. Secondly, I know for a fact that a desk-bound job was never something for me. Teaching again, seem to fulfill my, erm, "social" needs or so I thought (then). Thirdly, this might be hard to believe but I honestly felt that I could potentially help someone. Part of me have and will always fear screwing up kids' lives but another part honestly feels that I might be useful. Furthermore, I harboured this dream of someday setting up some school or something and devote my life to more something more than just a corporate job. I wanted to change lives and I wanted to do good. I just wanted to help.
Honestly, in spite of the fact that most believe that teachers are in it for the "stability" or "money", it's not quite accurate. Some use the argument that once the economy picked up, teachers leave the service for the pte sector thus proving that the teaching profession seemed like a last-resort. I'm not naive enough to say that this is an outright fallacy but honestly, most do have that little grain of belief that they could indeed make a difference. In fact, the reason most leave is because they realized that making a difference is not that vital after all. Unless, it can be spelt out clearly and can be measured either qualitatively or quantitatively. It seems that your distinction as an educator rests upon your ability to make your contributions known and validated. My question is, how do you measure dedication? Through the time you stay in school? How do you measure success? By the number of students who do well? And then, how do you measure concern? By the number of problem kids you counsel? How do you measure dedication? What about love? How would you measure that? By the number of thank you cards you get on teachers' day? How do you measure emotions and feelings and the depth of a bond between a teacher and his/her students? How can you measure it?
After more than two years, you kinda get wiser.
Personally, this year has made a cynic out of me. I don't know about other places but this is just stupid.
Henceforth, I'm seeking my own validation. In fact, I think I've found it. I love my kids and I know that they kinda love me. And that is something no one can ever take away from me and it is an achievement I can humbly call my own. Thank you, kiddos. Without you, the job is meaningless.
***
Anyhow, kiddos came over to my place and yeah, I hope they had a good time. I honestly wish them the very best in all they do and I hope they remember, not the lessons in class, but the experiences they've had which would serve them well in future.
***
On another note, since I have a digicam, I'm going to be snapping shots here and there and I will try to post them up. Erm, I was kinda inspired by this photographer and his telling stories through photography thing...I'd try that out and erm, just try lah...
Now in this little world I'm slowly adjusting to, things aren't really what they seem. Perhaps, I was the one with the rose-tinted glasses but let's just say that things are getting a lot clearer, even if they aren't exactly prettier.
During the first couple of years or so, I had big dreams and even grander notions of what it would mean to join the profession. At that time, many were joining it so as to escape the economic slump in the private sector but that was never my intent.
I am, by and large, a lazy person. I kinda like to go with the flow and the teaching track seem to suit that kinda flow I wanted. Secondly, I know for a fact that a desk-bound job was never something for me. Teaching again, seem to fulfill my, erm, "social" needs or so I thought (then). Thirdly, this might be hard to believe but I honestly felt that I could potentially help someone. Part of me have and will always fear screwing up kids' lives but another part honestly feels that I might be useful. Furthermore, I harboured this dream of someday setting up some school or something and devote my life to more something more than just a corporate job. I wanted to change lives and I wanted to do good. I just wanted to help.
Honestly, in spite of the fact that most believe that teachers are in it for the "stability" or "money", it's not quite accurate. Some use the argument that once the economy picked up, teachers leave the service for the pte sector thus proving that the teaching profession seemed like a last-resort. I'm not naive enough to say that this is an outright fallacy but honestly, most do have that little grain of belief that they could indeed make a difference. In fact, the reason most leave is because they realized that making a difference is not that vital after all. Unless, it can be spelt out clearly and can be measured either qualitatively or quantitatively. It seems that your distinction as an educator rests upon your ability to make your contributions known and validated. My question is, how do you measure dedication? Through the time you stay in school? How do you measure success? By the number of students who do well? And then, how do you measure concern? By the number of problem kids you counsel? How do you measure dedication? What about love? How would you measure that? By the number of thank you cards you get on teachers' day? How do you measure emotions and feelings and the depth of a bond between a teacher and his/her students? How can you measure it?
After more than two years, you kinda get wiser.
Personally, this year has made a cynic out of me. I don't know about other places but this is just stupid.
Henceforth, I'm seeking my own validation. In fact, I think I've found it. I love my kids and I know that they kinda love me. And that is something no one can ever take away from me and it is an achievement I can humbly call my own. Thank you, kiddos. Without you, the job is meaningless.
***
Anyhow, kiddos came over to my place and yeah, I hope they had a good time. I honestly wish them the very best in all they do and I hope they remember, not the lessons in class, but the experiences they've had which would serve them well in future.
***
On another note, since I have a digicam, I'm going to be snapping shots here and there and I will try to post them up. Erm, I was kinda inspired by this photographer and his telling stories through photography thing...I'd try that out and erm, just try lah...
Thursday, November 23, 2006
muka ada stamp
Now....
How in the world do I get myself into these things? Muka aku ni dah kena "stamped" ke?
Kalah Drew Barrymore dalam cerita Never Been Kissed. At least her stamp was washable. Mine seem tattooed.
Crap.
How in the world do I get myself into these things? Muka aku ni dah kena "stamped" ke?
Kalah Drew Barrymore dalam cerita Never Been Kissed. At least her stamp was washable. Mine seem tattooed.
Crap.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Sunday, November 19, 2006
snapshots of the day
Allo, allo...
This is one of my more mundane crap entry thing. Which is like most of my entries...whatever.
Well, had a chinese wedding lunch to attend today. Obviously, it was an expensive affair. Phreak, he must have spent a bomb. But then again, most weddings are like that, aren't they? (Is it even necessary? Sigh...) But, it was indeed very nicely done and he obviously put a lot of thought into the whole planning of the event which I think is commendable and much appreciated by one and all. At least, I did. Plus, I met my buddy from my prev. workplace! She looked great and sheesh, I miss her humour so much. Funny, funny girl.
Amazingly, the whole thing ended pretty promptly and we got to scoot off by 3.30. That was when we took a walk down the riverside towards almost every female's utopia - shopping malls. Managed to get a wedding gift (bankrupt aku bulan ni dibuatnya...) for yet another colleague. He's a real nice guy so it seemed rather assholic not to get him something. So anyway, in between the browsing and shopping, we figured that there's something real wrong at work and yet, the main folks don't even seem to see it. It's incredulous how easily some folks are taken in by showiness and obviously, spirit dampening. Hence, I quite honestly don't care about what my performance grade's going to be. It's just crap lah. It's like, the more you show the better you do and I just don't buy that. I think it's utter bull and whatever lah. Talking or writing about it just gets to me and it isn't healthy. I'm just concerned about next year. The people who are able to see through such acts and have the decency to look beyond the superficial are leaving and...what's going to happen then? Whatever lah...I'm just going to do a bimbo act lah and look forward to the superficial such as - vivocity's going to make a great place for doing work coz it has such a cozy ambience and a perfect view...yeah, that's me...I need to be comfortable and relaxed...It helps the brain ease up and think better.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm truly in the right job. I mean, I don't regret taking this up. I've made great friends and created fond memories and to a certain extent, I might have been of some use to some folks but increasingly, I've felt a certain "disconnection" from my job. I used to be excited about new things and was incredibly open to changes etc but of late, I just don't quite give a damn. Everything's turning out to be a charade and I'm just bloody sick of it. I want to help. I just want to help. I don't freaking need the recognition but I cannot accept having arses being held up as shining beacons of light when ....aarrghh...this is just annoying. Eff it lah, crap, it's not worth it.
I have also started to rethink my "dream" of long ago. I'm a dreamer lah so got many dreams but reality's so far away...Well, I used to envision setting up a school of sorts but I guess that was borne out of an idealism that was not rooted in reality. I know nuts about management and frankly, I will never be happy managing something like that even though the idea's all well and good so erm, scrape that. My other dream's more realistic (not much more lah) but it's something I would probably enjoy above all else...I used to dream that I could set up a gift-shop of sorts cum bookstore...Though the focus would be on the gift aspect. It's not really a gift store in a sense where people can come in and get something and be done with it but rather, it's a service that's being offered. My dream was to help people get the "perfect" gift. As in, instead of just selling a gift off the shelf, my job is to spend time with each client and gather information about the person that the client's getting a gift for and thus work on getting a "perfect" gift complete with the packaging etc for that person. It's like concierge but specific to gift-giving. My main point is, I love gifts that have been well-thought out and somehow, in today's world, people get too busy so erm my service can help? Then again, that'd just make folks even more complacent and thoughtless and erm, that's no good either eh? Fine, guess I got to scrape that too?
Aiyah...for now, I'm just going to brave through whatever comes my way. Whatever it is, each experience is a learning point in itself so I'd just take it like going for classes or taking up a course or something.
Ok, besides the whole crappadoodle nonsense, back to my day....
My colleague left a little earlier leaving me to wander on my own. Now, this is a very dangerous thing to do. My NETS is not safe when I'm alone. And true enough, it wasn't. I was walking along in Suntec City when I realized eh, got this IT annex thing of sorts so erm, I decided to venture in. So exciting one...Anyway, found myself in a store and erm, that's where I found myself speaking to the sales dude and the next thing I knew, I was keying in my PIN and voila, a new digicam found me! I managed to find me some exc-, I mean, reasons for my momentary (sorta) lapse. But you know what? I like the thing. It's cute. Anyway, I didn't realize it was so late that by the time I got it, I kinda had to rush home and that's when I noticed calamity's house of mouse. Oh well, didn't really manage to stop by but the doggie reminds me of my colleague's pet and it looked cute.
So there. Now, I'm just a little zoinked out with a new digicam.
Now, have I mentioned that I hate being in photographs? And that part of me believes that memories mean more than photos but oh well, that's just one part of me. So, erm, we shall see which part of me prevails in time...
See ya!
This is one of my more mundane crap entry thing. Which is like most of my entries...whatever.
Well, had a chinese wedding lunch to attend today. Obviously, it was an expensive affair. Phreak, he must have spent a bomb. But then again, most weddings are like that, aren't they? (Is it even necessary? Sigh...) But, it was indeed very nicely done and he obviously put a lot of thought into the whole planning of the event which I think is commendable and much appreciated by one and all. At least, I did. Plus, I met my buddy from my prev. workplace! She looked great and sheesh, I miss her humour so much. Funny, funny girl.
Amazingly, the whole thing ended pretty promptly and we got to scoot off by 3.30. That was when we took a walk down the riverside towards almost every female's utopia - shopping malls. Managed to get a wedding gift (bankrupt aku bulan ni dibuatnya...) for yet another colleague. He's a real nice guy so it seemed rather assholic not to get him something. So anyway, in between the browsing and shopping, we figured that there's something real wrong at work and yet, the main folks don't even seem to see it. It's incredulous how easily some folks are taken in by showiness and obviously, spirit dampening. Hence, I quite honestly don't care about what my performance grade's going to be. It's just crap lah. It's like, the more you show the better you do and I just don't buy that. I think it's utter bull and whatever lah. Talking or writing about it just gets to me and it isn't healthy. I'm just concerned about next year. The people who are able to see through such acts and have the decency to look beyond the superficial are leaving and...what's going to happen then? Whatever lah...I'm just going to do a bimbo act lah and look forward to the superficial such as - vivocity's going to make a great place for doing work coz it has such a cozy ambience and a perfect view...yeah, that's me...I need to be comfortable and relaxed...It helps the brain ease up and think better.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm truly in the right job. I mean, I don't regret taking this up. I've made great friends and created fond memories and to a certain extent, I might have been of some use to some folks but increasingly, I've felt a certain "disconnection" from my job. I used to be excited about new things and was incredibly open to changes etc but of late, I just don't quite give a damn. Everything's turning out to be a charade and I'm just bloody sick of it. I want to help. I just want to help. I don't freaking need the recognition but I cannot accept having arses being held up as shining beacons of light when ....aarrghh...this is just annoying. Eff it lah, crap, it's not worth it.
I have also started to rethink my "dream" of long ago. I'm a dreamer lah so got many dreams but reality's so far away...Well, I used to envision setting up a school of sorts but I guess that was borne out of an idealism that was not rooted in reality. I know nuts about management and frankly, I will never be happy managing something like that even though the idea's all well and good so erm, scrape that. My other dream's more realistic (not much more lah) but it's something I would probably enjoy above all else...I used to dream that I could set up a gift-shop of sorts cum bookstore...Though the focus would be on the gift aspect. It's not really a gift store in a sense where people can come in and get something and be done with it but rather, it's a service that's being offered. My dream was to help people get the "perfect" gift. As in, instead of just selling a gift off the shelf, my job is to spend time with each client and gather information about the person that the client's getting a gift for and thus work on getting a "perfect" gift complete with the packaging etc for that person. It's like concierge but specific to gift-giving. My main point is, I love gifts that have been well-thought out and somehow, in today's world, people get too busy so erm my service can help? Then again, that'd just make folks even more complacent and thoughtless and erm, that's no good either eh? Fine, guess I got to scrape that too?
Aiyah...for now, I'm just going to brave through whatever comes my way. Whatever it is, each experience is a learning point in itself so I'd just take it like going for classes or taking up a course or something.
Ok, besides the whole crappadoodle nonsense, back to my day....
My colleague left a little earlier leaving me to wander on my own. Now, this is a very dangerous thing to do. My NETS is not safe when I'm alone. And true enough, it wasn't. I was walking along in Suntec City when I realized eh, got this IT annex thing of sorts so erm, I decided to venture in. So exciting one...Anyway, found myself in a store and erm, that's where I found myself speaking to the sales dude and the next thing I knew, I was keying in my PIN and voila, a new digicam found me! I managed to find me some exc-, I mean, reasons for my momentary (sorta) lapse. But you know what? I like the thing. It's cute. Anyway, I didn't realize it was so late that by the time I got it, I kinda had to rush home and that's when I noticed calamity's house of mouse. Oh well, didn't really manage to stop by but the doggie reminds me of my colleague's pet and it looked cute.
So there. Now, I'm just a little zoinked out with a new digicam.
Now, have I mentioned that I hate being in photographs? And that part of me believes that memories mean more than photos but oh well, that's just one part of me. So, erm, we shall see which part of me prevails in time...
See ya!
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Psyched Up
So, I haven't been updating much. Oops.
Anyway, here's the lowdown -
The week's been nothing short of great.
Let's start with Sunday (12 Nov) - Fren got married. Huge sigh of relief there. Had a jalan raya of sorts with buddies. It had FUN stamped all over.
Monday was the normal, everyday kinda day which made it a real nice day. Oh yeah, dropped by borders and got loads of books so yeah, it was ggreattt.
Tuesday was the work till quite late day but given the short stopover at Popular bookstore, it was nice.
Wednesday was spec-snapping day at Vivocity. Hehee...I tried to fix my specs but wound up snapping it into two. Found myself practically blind for the next half hour and frankly, being short sighted and trying to read directories, signs and faces in a place that's kinda foreign to you isn't the best of ideas. But anyway, managed to find myself a specko shop, got lenses and a new pair that'd be ready in 10 days or so. So anyhow, once we got that cleared up, I found myself walking aimlessly in between catching a movie and just kinda appreciating the new mall. It kinda grows on you.
Thursday was go chop hair then meet buddies for dinner last minute day and that definitely worked out fine.
Friday was clean up office, the kornerians' pizza-ice-cream end-of-official-work-year celebration and a last minute decision to troop down to vivocity again - this time with a colleague. She found it as pleasant an experience and we discovered several nooks and crannies to just chill AND a new bookstore - Page One.
Which brings us to Saturday i.e. today. I can feel that it's going to be a great day with my idiotifically insane buddies coming over at about 4 for a slack-session masquerading as a hari-raya outing. So yeah...I'm all psyched up. I feel blessed to have been able to enjoy this week. Alhamdulillah.
Hehehe...BYE! I hope your week was great too!
Anyway, here's the lowdown -
The week's been nothing short of great.
Let's start with Sunday (12 Nov) - Fren got married. Huge sigh of relief there. Had a jalan raya of sorts with buddies. It had FUN stamped all over.
Monday was the normal, everyday kinda day which made it a real nice day. Oh yeah, dropped by borders and got loads of books so yeah, it was ggreattt.
Tuesday was the work till quite late day but given the short stopover at Popular bookstore, it was nice.
Wednesday was spec-snapping day at Vivocity. Hehee...I tried to fix my specs but wound up snapping it into two. Found myself practically blind for the next half hour and frankly, being short sighted and trying to read directories, signs and faces in a place that's kinda foreign to you isn't the best of ideas. But anyway, managed to find myself a specko shop, got lenses and a new pair that'd be ready in 10 days or so. So anyhow, once we got that cleared up, I found myself walking aimlessly in between catching a movie and just kinda appreciating the new mall. It kinda grows on you.
Thursday was go chop hair then meet buddies for dinner last minute day and that definitely worked out fine.
Friday was clean up office, the kornerians' pizza-ice-cream end-of-official-work-year celebration and a last minute decision to troop down to vivocity again - this time with a colleague. She found it as pleasant an experience and we discovered several nooks and crannies to just chill AND a new bookstore - Page One.
Which brings us to Saturday i.e. today. I can feel that it's going to be a great day with my idiotifically insane buddies coming over at about 4 for a slack-session masquerading as a hari-raya outing. So yeah...I'm all psyched up. I feel blessed to have been able to enjoy this week. Alhamdulillah.
Hehehe...BYE! I hope your week was great too!
Sunday, November 12, 2006
relief part II
Finally! I have time for ME!!!
Well, the previous week's been quite crazy. I've had to deal with a camp, a course, a dept dinner, major national exams, revision lessons while completing about 12-13 trays of bridal gifts on top of which I had a fever on two out of those seven nights...And it has all come to today...
I'm glad it's over. I'm glad it went well. I'm just glad.
However, I'm more than glad with my house-visiting thing...Gosh, I miss my friends terribly...All the other folks you get to know after teenhood are just different, you know? These folks...this bunch of crazy, burping-farting competitorish friends I've known for at least 10 years...they make me feel like me all over again...and I missed them so much...So, it was great to get to see them especially after such a hectic week. I had come close to just losing my cool so many times this week that I think it was a godsend to have gone to the far east and just do the lepak-thing...
PLUS, besides the Bali trip, we've managed to sorta confirm a very short but potentially very crazy weekend getaway to KL. I hope it works out. It's funny...we've been friends for so long but we've never had a trip together...Ok, the school-organized educational trips of eons ago DO NOT count.
For now, I'm just relieved and happy.
:O)
(PS. That should clear up any potential misunderstanding regarding my previous post...)
Well, the previous week's been quite crazy. I've had to deal with a camp, a course, a dept dinner, major national exams, revision lessons while completing about 12-13 trays of bridal gifts on top of which I had a fever on two out of those seven nights...And it has all come to today...
I'm glad it's over. I'm glad it went well. I'm just glad.
However, I'm more than glad with my house-visiting thing...Gosh, I miss my friends terribly...All the other folks you get to know after teenhood are just different, you know? These folks...this bunch of crazy, burping-farting competitorish friends I've known for at least 10 years...they make me feel like me all over again...and I missed them so much...So, it was great to get to see them especially after such a hectic week. I had come close to just losing my cool so many times this week that I think it was a godsend to have gone to the far east and just do the lepak-thing...
PLUS, besides the Bali trip, we've managed to sorta confirm a very short but potentially very crazy weekend getaway to KL. I hope it works out. It's funny...we've been friends for so long but we've never had a trip together...Ok, the school-organized educational trips of eons ago DO NOT count.
For now, I'm just relieved and happy.
:O)
(PS. That should clear up any potential misunderstanding regarding my previous post...)
Saturday, November 11, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
pening lalat
Felt ultra crappy today when I got back. Super duper high fever after a day at "camp".
But, I feel a little better now save the little sore throat.
On another note, "camp" had its moments...
Plus, I'm now ready to brave the night and complete the whole decor thing.
I CAN do it.
I WILL do it.
I BETTER do it.
Bye!
But, I feel a little better now save the little sore throat.
On another note, "camp" had its moments...
Plus, I'm now ready to brave the night and complete the whole decor thing.
I CAN do it.
I WILL do it.
I BETTER do it.
Bye!
Friday, November 03, 2006
ponder
Ni eh...pikir pikir balik...nak letak addy journal lama ke tak nak ah? aku pon tak tahu...macam nak jadi ada jugak, apa orang kata...itu "flow"..."evolution"...then again, kalau dah link link...might as well aku tak tukar blog seh...kan ke perkara bodoh? apa yang aku merepek ni pon aku tak tahu...tengah meraban lah ni...
merepek meraban, taik itik dalam jamban...
riiigghhhttt.....
sebenarnya, actually ah...aku ni ada online journal dah lebih dari lima...belambak...takde kerja lain lah katakan...tapi, ntah kenapa, susah sangat nak simpan...mungkin benar jugak kawan kawan aku katakan aku ni jenis "fickle-minded". memang pon...fickle rabak siak...senang sangat berubah fikiran...it's not a strength, i know that...but it's so much a part of me that almost everyone who's close enough to me would use "fickle" to describe me should they need to come up with a single adjective for me. perhaps, that would explain why i don't have just one hobby...i have numerous. within a day, i can do, or rather, i need to do several different things so that i don't get bored...i'm just a friggin kid lah...
ok, back to the online journals...as mentioned, i have more than 5.
i actually started a long time ago...when the whole concept of online blogging was rather obscure. i came across a teenage girl's blog and i was impressed by her maturity, written work and the like such that i was inspired to start an online journal. my very first entry was dated 19 September 2001. 8 days after September 11th. perhaps, i was also compelled to write following the circumstances at that time. it was, in a strange way, inspiring. 2001. i was such a kid. full of idealism. romanticism. and every other nonsensism that existed. reading my entries all over again, i kinda cringed (still cringing). i was a student - care-free and holding the world in the palm of my hand or so it felt...it was wonderful reliving those pasts even though erm, i should have exercised greater restraint in some of the things i said...
soon after, i became a diaryland-er. and i loved it. in fact, i have about 3 diaryland blogs. one was replaced by the another while the third was a locked one that dealt primarily with my heart-related woes or any other issue that was just way too personal to share, even to an anonymous online community.
i did experiment with blogspot. i had one with just one entry. i had intended it to be a more "intellectual" one but erm...that didn't work. i had a couple of others that were work-related, actually, make that 3 and counting which brings us to YOU. you are my latest friend. i do intend to keep you but if i don't, don't take it personally. it's not you, it's me.
hmmm, and i think that along the way, i did create multiply accts, friendster blog and whatever else but oh well...
now, this kinda confirms the notion that i am indeed frivolous and inconsistent but know this...no matter how many journals i have, no matter what or how i write...one thing has remained my primary aim - anonymity to be preserved. i do not write for others to get to know me. i write for me. to ease the stress and fears of the day. to share my work(if any) and my experiences. to simply write for the sake of it. hence, anonymity works fine and i have held true to that concept as long as possible hence, it would be inprobable for me to ever post personal pictures. not going to happen.
tell you the truth. sometimes, i do wish i wd just put up coz it's kinda fun when people know you and you know people because you kinda make friends but eh, i don't need journalling. my friggin job allows me to do that and hey, i get paid for it! so hmm...bottomline is, i like my anonymity. hence, supposing you think u know me, i wd appreciate it if you would drop me a pte message (dunno how) or let things be rather than announce my name to one and all in my blog. i just want the anonymity.
i need it.
thank you for reading.
merepek meraban, taik itik dalam jamban...
riiigghhhttt.....
sebenarnya, actually ah...aku ni ada online journal dah lebih dari lima...belambak...takde kerja lain lah katakan...tapi, ntah kenapa, susah sangat nak simpan...mungkin benar jugak kawan kawan aku katakan aku ni jenis "fickle-minded". memang pon...fickle rabak siak...senang sangat berubah fikiran...it's not a strength, i know that...but it's so much a part of me that almost everyone who's close enough to me would use "fickle" to describe me should they need to come up with a single adjective for me. perhaps, that would explain why i don't have just one hobby...i have numerous. within a day, i can do, or rather, i need to do several different things so that i don't get bored...i'm just a friggin kid lah...
ok, back to the online journals...as mentioned, i have more than 5.
i actually started a long time ago...when the whole concept of online blogging was rather obscure. i came across a teenage girl's blog and i was impressed by her maturity, written work and the like such that i was inspired to start an online journal. my very first entry was dated 19 September 2001. 8 days after September 11th. perhaps, i was also compelled to write following the circumstances at that time. it was, in a strange way, inspiring. 2001. i was such a kid. full of idealism. romanticism. and every other nonsensism that existed. reading my entries all over again, i kinda cringed (still cringing). i was a student - care-free and holding the world in the palm of my hand or so it felt...it was wonderful reliving those pasts even though erm, i should have exercised greater restraint in some of the things i said...
soon after, i became a diaryland-er. and i loved it. in fact, i have about 3 diaryland blogs. one was replaced by the another while the third was a locked one that dealt primarily with my heart-related woes or any other issue that was just way too personal to share, even to an anonymous online community.
i did experiment with blogspot. i had one with just one entry. i had intended it to be a more "intellectual" one but erm...that didn't work. i had a couple of others that were work-related, actually, make that 3 and counting which brings us to YOU. you are my latest friend. i do intend to keep you but if i don't, don't take it personally. it's not you, it's me.
hmmm, and i think that along the way, i did create multiply accts, friendster blog and whatever else but oh well...
now, this kinda confirms the notion that i am indeed frivolous and inconsistent but know this...no matter how many journals i have, no matter what or how i write...one thing has remained my primary aim - anonymity to be preserved. i do not write for others to get to know me. i write for me. to ease the stress and fears of the day. to share my work(if any) and my experiences. to simply write for the sake of it. hence, anonymity works fine and i have held true to that concept as long as possible hence, it would be inprobable for me to ever post personal pictures. not going to happen.
tell you the truth. sometimes, i do wish i wd just put up coz it's kinda fun when people know you and you know people because you kinda make friends but eh, i don't need journalling. my friggin job allows me to do that and hey, i get paid for it! so hmm...bottomline is, i like my anonymity. hence, supposing you think u know me, i wd appreciate it if you would drop me a pte message (dunno how) or let things be rather than announce my name to one and all in my blog. i just want the anonymity.
i need it.
thank you for reading.
mundane matters
Hello all.
Had a relatively nice day. Forgot my phone. (typical) Amazingly, I was NOT late for work in spite of tranisland's "fantastic" services. Realized I got many, many decor crappadoodles to do...la dee dee da...oh well...
Anyway, got some pretty beads to fiddle with. Hmmm...honestly, the last time I did beadwork, I was in secondary school (that's high school to some) and erm, I remember pricking my fingers and no, I never swooned and fell into a deep 100 year slumber to be awoken by a handsome prince in the midst of a jungle-like, fit-for-Tarzan castle...okok...I digressed, didn't I?
My point is, I got my weekend all planned out...
To do (or not to do) List
WANT to do
1. Read "Emma". I've been on an Austen roll....
2. Watch "Emma" and compare it to the book.
3. Watch "The Lake House" for Keanu Reeves (and to a smaller extent, Sandra B.)
4. Watch "Legend" (NOT because of Tom C.)
5. Watch Kabhie Alvida Naa Kehna just because.
6. Play guitar.
7. Laze.
8. Re-arrange flowers.
me thinks that me having a very pompuanish weekend...hmmm...
HAVE to do
1. Prepare tray thing.
2. Prepare chocolate gift.
3. Prepare work review stuff.
4. Prepare notes.
5. Play guitar (or else...)
6. Have consultations.
7. Have meeting.
8. Receive guests.
9. Eat. Sleep. Drink.
Hmmm...looks like a busy, busy weekend...DIE!!!
Now, I'm pretty certain I forgot something. Something important...What could it be? Hmmm....
Toodles!
Had a relatively nice day. Forgot my phone. (typical) Amazingly, I was NOT late for work in spite of tranisland's "fantastic" services. Realized I got many, many decor crappadoodles to do...la dee dee da...oh well...
Anyway, got some pretty beads to fiddle with. Hmmm...honestly, the last time I did beadwork, I was in secondary school (that's high school to some) and erm, I remember pricking my fingers and no, I never swooned and fell into a deep 100 year slumber to be awoken by a handsome prince in the midst of a jungle-like, fit-for-Tarzan castle...okok...I digressed, didn't I?
My point is, I got my weekend all planned out...
To do (or not to do) List
WANT to do
1. Read "Emma". I've been on an Austen roll....
2. Watch "Emma" and compare it to the book.
3. Watch "The Lake House" for Keanu Reeves (and to a smaller extent, Sandra B.)
4. Watch "Legend" (NOT because of Tom C.)
5. Watch Kabhie Alvida Naa Kehna just because.
6. Play guitar.
7. Laze.
8. Re-arrange flowers.
me thinks that me having a very pompuanish weekend...hmmm...
HAVE to do
1. Prepare tray thing.
2. Prepare chocolate gift.
3. Prepare work review stuff.
4. Prepare notes.
5. Play guitar (or else...)
6. Have consultations.
7. Have meeting.
8. Receive guests.
9. Eat. Sleep. Drink.
Hmmm...looks like a busy, busy weekend...DIE!!!
Now, I'm pretty certain I forgot something. Something important...What could it be? Hmmm....
Toodles!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
mid-week smilies
Hey hey...Just a little funny video for one and all...At least, it put a smile on my face...
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Beeyooteefool
Wow...It has been a while, hasn't it?
Been rather busy these days. Infact, I will probably get even busier. Got some wedding stuff to do for friend...PRESSURE!!! Gua tak bleh tahan...Leciak ah ini suma kawin kawin...Lu mahu kawin, lu kawin aja lah...banyak leciak lor ni pompuan mau kawin...
Ignore that. That's another weirdo side of me...leave it be...
Anyway, tried my hand at floral arrangement and guess what? I don't suck. Amazing. I mean, it's not fantastic but at least, there's some semblance of flowers being arranged. Hehehe...dah boleh bukak florist...Macam real jer...
I went a little wacky...
Eh...I met one of my old friends...Wahh...it was great seeing her. Made me kinda recall a whole bunch of things..
Anyway, let me just do a short update of what's been happening -
Friday and Saturday were jalan-raya days...I lost count of the number of houses I went to...Going over to different houses and seeing how different people are living can make you go rather reflective...This is especially so when I visit the homes of the elderly...I start to wonder, what would I be like when I get to their age? Would I have visitors? Would the visitors be the annual type (much like what I just did) or will they be regular ones? What happens if I were to be alone at that age? Would I be in a home? Would I have amnesia or gone senile? It just makes you wonder...There were a couple of old ladies who were wonderfully looked after by their daughters...The thing is, it made me wonder what would happen when the elderly ones pass away and the daughters grow old...Who will be the ones to look after them considering that they chose singlehood in order to look after their aged parents? I saw elderly who seem forgotten...It's quite heart-wrenching...All in all, an eye-opening experience...
Sunday was slack around at home and do nothing day....BEEYOOTEEFOOL....
Monday and Tuesday...WORK...BAH!
Before I leave, I want to share wise words from my nephew:
Question: Do you find her pretty? (Referring to picture of lady on green packet for kids) She's pretty, right?
Answer: Hmmm...I want to see her face without make up...This one all got make up...
He made me smile when he said that. If only he retains such wisdom as he gets older...
Been rather busy these days. Infact, I will probably get even busier. Got some wedding stuff to do for friend...PRESSURE!!! Gua tak bleh tahan...Leciak ah ini suma kawin kawin...Lu mahu kawin, lu kawin aja lah...banyak leciak lor ni pompuan mau kawin...
Ignore that. That's another weirdo side of me...leave it be...
Anyway, tried my hand at floral arrangement and guess what? I don't suck. Amazing. I mean, it's not fantastic but at least, there's some semblance of flowers being arranged. Hehehe...dah boleh bukak florist...Macam real jer...
I went a little wacky...
Eh...I met one of my old friends...Wahh...it was great seeing her. Made me kinda recall a whole bunch of things..
Anyway, let me just do a short update of what's been happening -
Friday and Saturday were jalan-raya days...I lost count of the number of houses I went to...Going over to different houses and seeing how different people are living can make you go rather reflective...This is especially so when I visit the homes of the elderly...I start to wonder, what would I be like when I get to their age? Would I have visitors? Would the visitors be the annual type (much like what I just did) or will they be regular ones? What happens if I were to be alone at that age? Would I be in a home? Would I have amnesia or gone senile? It just makes you wonder...There were a couple of old ladies who were wonderfully looked after by their daughters...The thing is, it made me wonder what would happen when the elderly ones pass away and the daughters grow old...Who will be the ones to look after them considering that they chose singlehood in order to look after their aged parents? I saw elderly who seem forgotten...It's quite heart-wrenching...All in all, an eye-opening experience...
Sunday was slack around at home and do nothing day....BEEYOOTEEFOOL....
Monday and Tuesday...WORK...BAH!
Before I leave, I want to share wise words from my nephew:
Question: Do you find her pretty? (Referring to picture of lady on green packet for kids) She's pretty, right?
Answer: Hmmm...I want to see her face without make up...This one all got make up...
He made me smile when he said that. If only he retains such wisdom as he gets older...
Friday, October 27, 2006
The Finale
Whoopiedoodles! My, my, my beautiful Friday...How are you? :OD
Anyway, it was sorta a half day thing at work yesterday so my colleagues and I decided to catch a show. I had some bits of things to finish up so the other folks went off first for lunch and I caught up with them later. Anyway, before this turns too narrative: I booked my holiday!!!
Bali, here we come. Hehehe...I don't quite know what came over us in that instance but the next thing we knew, we had booked a flight out to Bali. It's a little unnerving to think that we just did that with no second thoughts but no regrets. I want to go to Bali. I want to see the nature, the history, the everything. I want to know more about SEAsia. That has been my aim. I want to travel to all SEAsian countries and explore them. This region is incredibly fascinating. I think I wrote about it in my older blogs, if I were to get married (BIG IF), I want my honeymoon to be a sorta backpacker thing through a SEAsian country. I want that. Will it happen? Oh well...
Afterwhich, I got tickets to Puteri Gunung Ledang. My colleague was trying hard to suppress laughter as I told her about the tale of the Princess of Mt Ophir. To a certain extent, it is all a little over the top but when you scrape off the mumbo jumbo and spiritual bits, it's a telling tale of megalomania and the futility of certain things we do in life. I've watched, or tried to watch and read every version of the Princess I can come across. The thing is, I have a thing for legends (hence, my fascination with Bali and the rest of SEAsia) and myths. I don't really believe most of the crap but I do believe that there's a grain of truth behind each and every myth or at least a moral shared. So erm, let's see how the musical unfolds...
Last thing - The Prestige.
Brain-addling, mind-bending, jaw-dropping show that is everything it set itself out to be -It was a magic trick in itself. Or is it really trickery? Man, it's a brilliant show and yes, I can confirm that I am in "love" with Christian Bale. Sigh. I've liked the guy since Empire of the Sun and Little Women. Sigh...
Anyway, have a great weekend!
Anyway, it was sorta a half day thing at work yesterday so my colleagues and I decided to catch a show. I had some bits of things to finish up so the other folks went off first for lunch and I caught up with them later. Anyway, before this turns too narrative: I booked my holiday!!!
Bali, here we come. Hehehe...I don't quite know what came over us in that instance but the next thing we knew, we had booked a flight out to Bali. It's a little unnerving to think that we just did that with no second thoughts but no regrets. I want to go to Bali. I want to see the nature, the history, the everything. I want to know more about SEAsia. That has been my aim. I want to travel to all SEAsian countries and explore them. This region is incredibly fascinating. I think I wrote about it in my older blogs, if I were to get married (BIG IF), I want my honeymoon to be a sorta backpacker thing through a SEAsian country. I want that. Will it happen? Oh well...
Afterwhich, I got tickets to Puteri Gunung Ledang. My colleague was trying hard to suppress laughter as I told her about the tale of the Princess of Mt Ophir. To a certain extent, it is all a little over the top but when you scrape off the mumbo jumbo and spiritual bits, it's a telling tale of megalomania and the futility of certain things we do in life. I've watched, or tried to watch and read every version of the Princess I can come across. The thing is, I have a thing for legends (hence, my fascination with Bali and the rest of SEAsia) and myths. I don't really believe most of the crap but I do believe that there's a grain of truth behind each and every myth or at least a moral shared. So erm, let's see how the musical unfolds...
Last thing - The Prestige.
Brain-addling, mind-bending, jaw-dropping show that is everything it set itself out to be -It was a magic trick in itself. Or is it really trickery? Man, it's a brilliant show and yes, I can confirm that I am in "love" with Christian Bale. Sigh. I've liked the guy since Empire of the Sun and Little Women. Sigh...
Anyway, have a great weekend!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Rainy Rhythms...
"Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain...Telling me just what a fool I've been..."
Mr Blanko made me laugh so hard today. Although you didn't mean to do so, heck, thanks a million, buddy!
You know that you have a weird day going for you when after so thoughtful (or so I thought) a consideration of potential weather hazards, I still managed to get myself utterly drenched. In the midst of it all, I kinda thought it was all a little funny and started to smile to myself which made me realize (after a little while) that even as I thought the day was weird, others thought I was even weirder...Oh well...I had fun.
You know, there's just something really calming about walking in the rain. I don't know about you but I used to love getting caught in the rain. I recall a time in my teens (macam lah aku tua sangat...) when we used to stay behind in school on Fridays for "CCA". Uhuh. Yup. It was definitely "just for CCA". Anyway, on Fridays, the Muslim dudes are supposed to be off to the mosque. There would naturally be some of the more ass-headed ones but those would usually steer clear of my budz and me (erm, we had a slight rep for being a little on the "garang" side and one friend in particular, was infamous for her very public putdown of any asshead who behaves like one. Seriously, one day, I'd give you a glimpse of my teenhood...It's, erm, it's a teenhood thing...) Well anyway, on one such fine Friday, there was this glorious downpour and yup yup, first thing we did, danced wildly in the rain. Erm, ok so "dance" may not quite be the word to use...We just jumped around and splashed water here there and everywhere...
It was all perfect but we forgot this one tiny detail - we had gotten tickets for this movie screening in school which was to be held in one of the North-pole-like lecture theatres...(Singapore has a bizarre obsession with keeping "cool"...Cold isn't cool.) So, yeah...we, the idiots of Singapore, proceeded to the venue, dripping wet and freezing cold...sat through the show...Now, I can't even recall the show and why is that? Oh duh...I was too busy trying not to pee and thinking warm thoughts so I don't turn into an icicle...So erm, needless to say, I lost my voice and caught a fever which meant that I had a fantastic weekend...
Movie ticket - $2.50 (cheapo LT version what...)
Doctor's medical fee - $25.00
Scolding from mum - Endless. (or so it seemed)
Memories - Priceless.
BYE!
Mr Blanko made me laugh so hard today. Although you didn't mean to do so, heck, thanks a million, buddy!
You know that you have a weird day going for you when after so thoughtful (or so I thought) a consideration of potential weather hazards, I still managed to get myself utterly drenched. In the midst of it all, I kinda thought it was all a little funny and started to smile to myself which made me realize (after a little while) that even as I thought the day was weird, others thought I was even weirder...Oh well...I had fun.
You know, there's just something really calming about walking in the rain. I don't know about you but I used to love getting caught in the rain. I recall a time in my teens (macam lah aku tua sangat...) when we used to stay behind in school on Fridays for "CCA". Uhuh. Yup. It was definitely "just for CCA". Anyway, on Fridays, the Muslim dudes are supposed to be off to the mosque. There would naturally be some of the more ass-headed ones but those would usually steer clear of my budz and me (erm, we had a slight rep for being a little on the "garang" side and one friend in particular, was infamous for her very public putdown of any asshead who behaves like one. Seriously, one day, I'd give you a glimpse of my teenhood...It's, erm, it's a teenhood thing...) Well anyway, on one such fine Friday, there was this glorious downpour and yup yup, first thing we did, danced wildly in the rain. Erm, ok so "dance" may not quite be the word to use...We just jumped around and splashed water here there and everywhere...
It was all perfect but we forgot this one tiny detail - we had gotten tickets for this movie screening in school which was to be held in one of the North-pole-like lecture theatres...(Singapore has a bizarre obsession with keeping "cool"...Cold isn't cool.) So, yeah...we, the idiots of Singapore, proceeded to the venue, dripping wet and freezing cold...sat through the show...Now, I can't even recall the show and why is that? Oh duh...I was too busy trying not to pee and thinking warm thoughts so I don't turn into an icicle...So erm, needless to say, I lost my voice and caught a fever which meant that I had a fantastic weekend...
Movie ticket - $2.50 (cheapo LT version what...)
Doctor's medical fee - $25.00
Scolding from mum - Endless. (or so it seemed)
Memories - Priceless.
BYE!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Sleepyhead
Hey folks. Hope the day's going well for you.
I've been super tired. As it is, I'm still awaiting visitors...I'm just super dazed already lah by now...
Not so great news: Colleague cum friend was involved in an accident. She's currently in NUH. I think I might go a-visiting. Her little sons and husband must be worried sick. Insya Allah, everything will be ok.
On another note: It has finally occurred to me that I might need to reevaluate my priorities. Plus, I think Ego's gotta eat humble pie. Ego: You stopped being cool eons ago so time to say goodbye. (Darn, but it's just sooooo hard...)
Anyway, for now I got to go take care of Ego. Till whenever, tata!
Oh, and Selamat Menyambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri and take care whoever, wherever you are.
I've been super tired. As it is, I'm still awaiting visitors...I'm just super dazed already lah by now...
Not so great news: Colleague cum friend was involved in an accident. She's currently in NUH. I think I might go a-visiting. Her little sons and husband must be worried sick. Insya Allah, everything will be ok.
On another note: It has finally occurred to me that I might need to reevaluate my priorities. Plus, I think Ego's gotta eat humble pie. Ego: You stopped being cool eons ago so time to say goodbye. (Darn, but it's just sooooo hard...)
Anyway, for now I got to go take care of Ego. Till whenever, tata!
Oh, and Selamat Menyambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri and take care whoever, wherever you are.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
suasana hari raya
Burnt fingers, hardened melted chocs, double layers and funny stories: That pretty much sums up my one and only kuih-making experience for this year.
Hehehe...I really miss my old place...
I used to have time to do all the funny things people do whenever Eid comes along...including:
1. House decorating and erm, in my family of wannabe-decorators, everyone's gotta have a say...and it used to get a little insane...
2. Cookie-making: Ok, let me make it crystal clear right now - I DO NOT ENJOY BUTTER. The smell alone makes me wanna puke. So, cookie-making used to be a stomach-churning experience for me...Kuih Tat is by far, the worst...gua tak leh angkat beb...
3. Mad, frantic rush for clothes: Frankly, I'm a lot simpler than sibs...Just throw on any baju kurung used to be fine plus Mummy used to do the getting of clothes. Now, I got to do it myself and the yah...shoots...
4. Baju kena burnt: In my family, for years, it has been a tradition for someone to burn a hole in their baju raya almost every year...I don't even know whether to be proud of it or not? Please, this tradition's got to end...
Guess, there should be many other things lah but anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that, you know, it really doesn't matter? I guess it's kinda fun to do the things we do but to get it confused with religion is a whole other thing...Simplicity should always be the key, shouldn't it?
This is real stupid but we waste a heck of a lot during "festive" occasions when there is actually absolutely NO NEED for it. It's just all very silly. I think the best Hari Raya would be for my whole family to just get together and hang out as we used to do...The things we used to do were fun, not because we had to do it for Eid but because, we did it together, as a family. And I miss that. I just miss my family.
I miss the whole ketupat making thing when all the kids and Dad used to make ketupats...and the older ladies used to fill them up with the rice...The whole lighting up thing would be a family affair...I miss the craziness of getting a cab coz we could never fit into just one cab...I really miss my family...
I hope this raya will bring us closer - closer to each other and closer to Allah. I have a promise made to myself and I'm willing myself to stick to it. I don't know if I will but I will try to. Insya Allah.
Hehehe...I really miss my old place...
I used to have time to do all the funny things people do whenever Eid comes along...including:
1. House decorating and erm, in my family of wannabe-decorators, everyone's gotta have a say...and it used to get a little insane...
2. Cookie-making: Ok, let me make it crystal clear right now - I DO NOT ENJOY BUTTER. The smell alone makes me wanna puke. So, cookie-making used to be a stomach-churning experience for me...Kuih Tat is by far, the worst...gua tak leh angkat beb...
3. Mad, frantic rush for clothes: Frankly, I'm a lot simpler than sibs...Just throw on any baju kurung used to be fine plus Mummy used to do the getting of clothes. Now, I got to do it myself and the yah...shoots...
4. Baju kena burnt: In my family, for years, it has been a tradition for someone to burn a hole in their baju raya almost every year...I don't even know whether to be proud of it or not? Please, this tradition's got to end...
Guess, there should be many other things lah but anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that, you know, it really doesn't matter? I guess it's kinda fun to do the things we do but to get it confused with religion is a whole other thing...Simplicity should always be the key, shouldn't it?
This is real stupid but we waste a heck of a lot during "festive" occasions when there is actually absolutely NO NEED for it. It's just all very silly. I think the best Hari Raya would be for my whole family to just get together and hang out as we used to do...The things we used to do were fun, not because we had to do it for Eid but because, we did it together, as a family. And I miss that. I just miss my family.
I miss the whole ketupat making thing when all the kids and Dad used to make ketupats...and the older ladies used to fill them up with the rice...The whole lighting up thing would be a family affair...I miss the craziness of getting a cab coz we could never fit into just one cab...I really miss my family...
I hope this raya will bring us closer - closer to each other and closer to Allah. I have a promise made to myself and I'm willing myself to stick to it. I don't know if I will but I will try to. Insya Allah.
colours...
I'm telling you it's all in the colours...
I love colours. They make me happy. I feel a certain sense of freshness when I see happy doopy colours. But of course, got to be tastefully done lah...Otherwise, apa seh...nonsense only...
By the way, remember me telling me not to go Geylang? I did it again and no, not going to complain about it because gatal sendiri. So, serves you right, Crappie. But, there was a moment that was kinda cool. We (Yes, I was not alone in my gatal-tak-serik-serik moment and I am not talking about my other self) had to go over this overhead bridge which no one else seem to use coz jaywalking was much preferred by most but since I still value my life and am generally a stickler for propriety or at least I try to be...erm...too much digression, what was I talking about? Oh yeah...I mean, we used the overhead bridge, the one at Haig Road...we kinda stopped at the corner of it for a moment to just watch people...That was kinda fun coz you see so many people from all walks of life doing their own thing and it's just amazing to see how so many different lives converged in that one moment. It's like, you're really, really just one of millions of others...It's just incredible, do you get it? Anyway, we kinda thought if Amazing Race wanted a challenge, they should try out Geylang Bazaar as a potential spot.
Whatever it is, I was glad to be on my way home. Phew, I survived Geylang part deux.
On another note, I want to do more with my life.
I love colours. They make me happy. I feel a certain sense of freshness when I see happy doopy colours. But of course, got to be tastefully done lah...Otherwise, apa seh...nonsense only...
By the way, remember me telling me not to go Geylang? I did it again and no, not going to complain about it because gatal sendiri. So, serves you right, Crappie. But, there was a moment that was kinda cool. We (Yes, I was not alone in my gatal-tak-serik-serik moment and I am not talking about my other self) had to go over this overhead bridge which no one else seem to use coz jaywalking was much preferred by most but since I still value my life and am generally a stickler for propriety or at least I try to be...erm...too much digression, what was I talking about? Oh yeah...I mean, we used the overhead bridge, the one at Haig Road...we kinda stopped at the corner of it for a moment to just watch people...That was kinda fun coz you see so many people from all walks of life doing their own thing and it's just amazing to see how so many different lives converged in that one moment. It's like, you're really, really just one of millions of others...It's just incredible, do you get it? Anyway, we kinda thought if Amazing Race wanted a challenge, they should try out Geylang Bazaar as a potential spot.
Whatever it is, I was glad to be on my way home. Phew, I survived Geylang part deux.
On another note, I want to do more with my life.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Classics
Ever since I was a kid, I had been weaned on old songs be it English, Hindi or Malay. The main point is they got to be old. Hence, I've always been a lot less than "hip" in my song preferences. Anyway, I found this clip on youtube of one of my favourite old songs from one of my favourite b/w films - Musang Berjanggut.
Here goes:
Here goes:
Gift
Have you ever got ever gotten a gift you'd rather return?
I just did. The thing is, I got me that "gift". (Yes, I do give myself gifts. It's a dual personality thing.) Hmm..never mind, I'd stick by it. Through thick or thin. Thanks for the gift. :OP
Anyway, I've been sneezing all morning. It's real annoying.
Goodness, raya's on Tuesday. As much as I would love to leave my room as it is, I can't coz my relatives are all coming over on the first day. And my room's getting converted into an extra living room. Great.
It's in a super duper mess. It's incredible to see the amount of junk I've accumulated over the years. I'm so blardy screwed lah. How to clean, sia?
Btw, yesterday was a little insane. Kids cried and cried. Macam kesian gitu. I really don't like system ni. Apa merepek seh?
Kiddos, I know I've been an absolute b**** to you folks. (You really, really know how to put my blood in a kettle over a fire.) That doesn't mean I don't like you. I just think you need some major growing up to do. I know the results are crappy but you know what, the way some of you have reacted made me real proud and I'm kinda glad that you got the results that you did. I only hope you know what to do next year. Don't repeat the same mistakes. (Make new ones, hehehe...no, you don't if you can help it.) Strangely, things will work out for the best. Trust that.
See lah...talking to non-existent kiddos again. They oso won't read this. Takpe lah...
But honestly, part of me feels so responsible for their plight. I'm just feeling like crap. So now, innercrap's feeling rather outercrapped. Or rather, all-crapped-out. Macam tak fair gitu.
I guess I need to remind me that there is a silver lining to all that has happened. In a way, it's also a "gift" of sorts.
Enough of my mish-mash of nonsense.
I just did. The thing is, I got me that "gift". (Yes, I do give myself gifts. It's a dual personality thing.) Hmm..never mind, I'd stick by it. Through thick or thin. Thanks for the gift. :OP
Anyway, I've been sneezing all morning. It's real annoying.
Goodness, raya's on Tuesday. As much as I would love to leave my room as it is, I can't coz my relatives are all coming over on the first day. And my room's getting converted into an extra living room. Great.
It's in a super duper mess. It's incredible to see the amount of junk I've accumulated over the years. I'm so blardy screwed lah. How to clean, sia?
Btw, yesterday was a little insane. Kids cried and cried. Macam kesian gitu. I really don't like system ni. Apa merepek seh?
Kiddos, I know I've been an absolute b**** to you folks. (You really, really know how to put my blood in a kettle over a fire.) That doesn't mean I don't like you. I just think you need some major growing up to do. I know the results are crappy but you know what, the way some of you have reacted made me real proud and I'm kinda glad that you got the results that you did. I only hope you know what to do next year. Don't repeat the same mistakes. (Make new ones, hehehe...no, you don't if you can help it.) Strangely, things will work out for the best. Trust that.
See lah...talking to non-existent kiddos again. They oso won't read this. Takpe lah...
But honestly, part of me feels so responsible for their plight. I'm just feeling like crap. So now, innercrap's feeling rather outercrapped. Or rather, all-crapped-out. Macam tak fair gitu.
I guess I need to remind me that there is a silver lining to all that has happened. In a way, it's also a "gift" of sorts.
Enough of my mish-mash of nonsense.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
hmmm....
"IT IS A SERIOUS INJURY. IT'S BLEEDING ALL OVER. IT IS A SERIOUS INJURY!!!" (some kid who will come to understand how serious injuries can be if he continues with his screams. Look buster, don't make me give you a real reason to scream. !#*@(*#&!!!)
Sabar, loon, sabar...rilek one corner eh...Breathe in, Breathe out...There you go....
Okie dokie. I'm cheery now.
I feel like doing a list. Tapi, list apa eh? Shopping list? Merbahaya... Apa eh?
Ok, while figuring out lists...I got "tango" wafers. Why tango? Because I don't like waltzing. I don't like cha-cha. I don't like salsa. I don't like - eh, wait a minute...I just don't like dancing. I don't like tango either for that matter. Oh well.
I did something stoopid again. Actually, it's so stoopid that I forgot what I did. I forget the stupid things I do so that I can always remember how smart I am. Delusional? I know lah but what to do? Must stay sane, right?
Anyway, kiddos took it better than expected. But then again, they're also delusional. Hehehe...world's just freaking full of the disillusioned, delusionals and illusions. Eh, eh...I like...The DDI...
Anyway, I still need to take a crap.
One other thing: If someone were to be peeping over a wall, they cd prolly look like -
d..b the beady eyed burglar...
d--b the slitty one...
dvvb the haugthy one...
doob the eye rolling one who's about to faint or get possessed...
That was fun. BYE!
Sabar, loon, sabar...rilek one corner eh...Breathe in, Breathe out...There you go....
Okie dokie. I'm cheery now.
I feel like doing a list. Tapi, list apa eh? Shopping list? Merbahaya... Apa eh?
Ok, while figuring out lists...I got "tango" wafers. Why tango? Because I don't like waltzing. I don't like cha-cha. I don't like salsa. I don't like - eh, wait a minute...I just don't like dancing. I don't like tango either for that matter. Oh well.
I did something stoopid again. Actually, it's so stoopid that I forgot what I did. I forget the stupid things I do so that I can always remember how smart I am. Delusional? I know lah but what to do? Must stay sane, right?
Anyway, kiddos took it better than expected. But then again, they're also delusional. Hehehe...world's just freaking full of the disillusioned, delusionals and illusions. Eh, eh...I like...The DDI...
Anyway, I still need to take a crap.
One other thing: If someone were to be peeping over a wall, they cd prolly look like -
d..b the beady eyed burglar...
d--b the slitty one...
dvvb the haugthy one...
doob the eye rolling one who's about to faint or get possessed...
That was fun. BYE!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
make it a quarter
In several hours, I will officially be on my way to thirty. No more rounding down. No such thing. It's all up, up and away...
Seram seh.
Pejam celik, pejam celik, daaaahhh besar si budak tu...tak lama lagik, daaaaaaahhhh kahwin - typical, makcikfied response to any aging process of "the young ones".
Frankly, it's quite unnerving to note that I have well, and truly been forced to grow up. There is no such thing as pretending to be a teenager anymore. I'm grown up and it's freakishly scary.
Kinda makes u go back in time....so let's rewind now, shall we?
I remember my first memory: A freakishly cold bath. I think I had measles so some folks gave me an ice bath. So cold.
I remember wafer biscuits: Mum gave it to fren and I took it from him coz I was a brat. I got scolding. :O(
I remember ramadhan: Hehehe...curi kuih....
I remember guitar: "Lagu tiga kupang...saku penuh padi..." - Malay version of "Sing a song of sixpence"....it sounded cooler too...
I remember red-indian-ballerina: first drawing my pal taught me
I remember recorder: I sucked. Initially. :OP
I remember cartoons, toys and everything else: "I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys 'r' us kid"
I remember hopscotch, dog and bone and midnight sports: Aunt got super mad coz of chalky hopscotch and we got into trouble. Oops.
I remember syrup out of the window: "MOMMY! SOMEONE SPILLED SYRUP ON MY SHIRT! (downstairs neighbour)"...Erm...Did I do that?
I remember cats: Comel, Baby Candice, Mr Brown and Combi....
And dogs: "the yelping neighbour", the three legged Diamond, the gila-make-me-climb-monkey-bar one (that would never have happened had it not been for the dog) and how can i forget? the non-existent one that caused my bike to do a flip.
I also remember tears: Parents fought, Sis got into trouble, Bro and his temper...
And fears: PSLE, O-levels, A-levels, exams, stage fright, lost watch, religious teacher with cane, hospitals...
I remember guilt: Broke the vase, cut own hair etc.
I remember laughter: Asia Bagus the kiddy version, the cookie thing, karaoke after ngaji (don't ask) etc.
I remember death: Aunt, Uncle, friends...
I guess, there are millions of memories more to go...I've only just about scratched the surface of my childhood memories...Don't get me started on teenhood....That's just bizarre...
Things have really changed. Yet, I don't think I've really changed all that much at all. Funny.
BYE!
Seram seh.
Pejam celik, pejam celik, daaaahhh besar si budak tu...tak lama lagik, daaaaaaahhhh kahwin - typical, makcikfied response to any aging process of "the young ones".
Frankly, it's quite unnerving to note that I have well, and truly been forced to grow up. There is no such thing as pretending to be a teenager anymore. I'm grown up and it's freakishly scary.
Kinda makes u go back in time....so let's rewind now, shall we?
I remember my first memory: A freakishly cold bath. I think I had measles so some folks gave me an ice bath. So cold.
I remember wafer biscuits: Mum gave it to fren and I took it from him coz I was a brat. I got scolding. :O(
I remember ramadhan: Hehehe...curi kuih....
I remember guitar: "Lagu tiga kupang...saku penuh padi..." - Malay version of "Sing a song of sixpence"....it sounded cooler too...
I remember red-indian-ballerina: first drawing my pal taught me
I remember recorder: I sucked. Initially. :OP
I remember cartoons, toys and everything else: "I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys 'r' us kid"
I remember hopscotch, dog and bone and midnight sports: Aunt got super mad coz of chalky hopscotch and we got into trouble. Oops.
I remember syrup out of the window: "MOMMY! SOMEONE SPILLED SYRUP ON MY SHIRT! (downstairs neighbour)"...Erm...Did I do that?
I remember cats: Comel, Baby Candice, Mr Brown and Combi....
And dogs: "the yelping neighbour", the three legged Diamond, the gila-make-me-climb-monkey-bar one (that would never have happened had it not been for the dog) and how can i forget? the non-existent one that caused my bike to do a flip.
I also remember tears: Parents fought, Sis got into trouble, Bro and his temper...
And fears: PSLE, O-levels, A-levels, exams, stage fright, lost watch, religious teacher with cane, hospitals...
I remember guilt: Broke the vase, cut own hair etc.
I remember laughter: Asia Bagus the kiddy version, the cookie thing, karaoke after ngaji (don't ask) etc.
I remember death: Aunt, Uncle, friends...
I guess, there are millions of memories more to go...I've only just about scratched the surface of my childhood memories...Don't get me started on teenhood....That's just bizarre...
Things have really changed. Yet, I don't think I've really changed all that much at all. Funny.
BYE!
Cut-Loose
Sometimes, you just got to cut them loose.
I still believe everything's going to be for the best. I believe so.
Gosh...I dread tomorrow.
I still believe everything's going to be for the best. I believe so.
Gosh...I dread tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Run, Forrest, Run
Felt horrible at the end of yesterday.
There's just something really wrong with the system. What are we trying to do? What is our job? Do we consider the child's future or our own performance at the end of it all? Is that what it has come to? It's sick. I'm sick of it.
"Teaching is a noble profession." Whatever, man, whatever.
My heart's not in it anymore. Correction, do I have one left? Hmmmm....
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get.
There's just something really wrong with the system. What are we trying to do? What is our job? Do we consider the child's future or our own performance at the end of it all? Is that what it has come to? It's sick. I'm sick of it.
"Teaching is a noble profession." Whatever, man, whatever.
My heart's not in it anymore. Correction, do I have one left? Hmmmm....
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Unbearable Lightness of Being (in Geylang)
Today...full, full day...Did many, many things...
Had my class, fingers pain..fish head curry, he's really kaypoh...never mind...
Oooh, visited a friend who gave birth. So cute the little thing...I like her...Hence, managed to catch up with long-lost buddies, I MISSED THEM!! Went over to fren's place for asar...realized that we lead freakishly similar lives albeit in totally contrasting ways...It's hard to explain but we keep doing things as if we planned it together but we actually make such decisions separately...We'd do it in different ways but somehow our paths will cross and we realize we're doing the same thing...It's just freaky, but in a good way...Hehehe..
Afterwhich, managed to get my qiji popiah for buka plus some weirdo fries from NY Pizza - Pedas gilerr....Should have come with a warning label....Erm, somehow, we figured that it'd be a brilliant idea to go to Geylang since it's not quite last ten days yet so still got time lah...Masih tak serik-serik...
Last year, we went Geylang, we wound up complaining about why we stepped into the place to begin with. Previous year, same thing. Previous, previous year, ditto. And that goes for all other previous years. This year, cripes...I cannot tahan the place...No wonder I told myself not to step into Geylang bazaar last year. It makes a lot of sense. Sheesh, those fries pushed every ounce of logic I may have had left out of my brain...Stooopid idea. Anyway, cannot tahan the place lah. Too crowded. Too noisy. Too everything. But, thankfully, my friends were there and if anything, I guess the whole experience was worth the while because we got to spend time with each other. I do miss them.
Sigh...remind me not to go Geylang again, ok?
(PS. I got new watch....It has been like what? 5 years since my last one? Hehehe...I like it...hehehe...)
Had my class, fingers pain..fish head curry, he's really kaypoh...never mind...
Oooh, visited a friend who gave birth. So cute the little thing...I like her...Hence, managed to catch up with long-lost buddies, I MISSED THEM!! Went over to fren's place for asar...realized that we lead freakishly similar lives albeit in totally contrasting ways...It's hard to explain but we keep doing things as if we planned it together but we actually make such decisions separately...We'd do it in different ways but somehow our paths will cross and we realize we're doing the same thing...It's just freaky, but in a good way...Hehehe..
Afterwhich, managed to get my qiji popiah for buka plus some weirdo fries from NY Pizza - Pedas gilerr....Should have come with a warning label....Erm, somehow, we figured that it'd be a brilliant idea to go to Geylang since it's not quite last ten days yet so still got time lah...Masih tak serik-serik...
Last year, we went Geylang, we wound up complaining about why we stepped into the place to begin with. Previous year, same thing. Previous, previous year, ditto. And that goes for all other previous years. This year, cripes...I cannot tahan the place...No wonder I told myself not to step into Geylang bazaar last year. It makes a lot of sense. Sheesh, those fries pushed every ounce of logic I may have had left out of my brain...Stooopid idea. Anyway, cannot tahan the place lah. Too crowded. Too noisy. Too everything. But, thankfully, my friends were there and if anything, I guess the whole experience was worth the while because we got to spend time with each other. I do miss them.
Sigh...remind me not to go Geylang again, ok?
(PS. I got new watch....It has been like what? 5 years since my last one? Hehehe...I like it...hehehe...)
Saturday, October 14, 2006
bittersweet symphony
I am not going to like the coming tuesday very much. I will not enjoy the 17th of October. In fact, I'm probably going to hate the 19th even more. Heck, even the 18th's going to feel rather horrible. That would mean that I'm going to have a very sad turning-a-quarter-century day.
I never realized I could potentially have that much impact on a person's life. It's like having power over someone. As much as it may sound "super-cool", I just feel rather fearful and I wish I didn't have it. I feel like a coward and you know what? I guess I am. It has made me realize the errors of what I do and the pending consequences of my actions. I hate this. I don't mind bearing the brunt of my mistakes but I would never wish another to do so. It's just unfair.
No sorries will work. No regrets are worth the while.
I will not know how to face them on wednesday. I'm ecstatic for most because they have achieved what they sought to do. I'm worried - Worried to the depths of my being about the others. I love them dearly and this is not the way I want to see or let them go.
At this point, I'm simply taking comfort in the knowledge that Allah knows best. It is He who has gotten it all figured out. I just got to trust that. Allah knows best hence, no matter what happens, it will be for the best. Insya Allah.
Take care, dearies. Whatever happens, it will be for the best. Trust that.
Gosh, I am getting rather emo these days...aren't I?
I never realized I could potentially have that much impact on a person's life. It's like having power over someone. As much as it may sound "super-cool", I just feel rather fearful and I wish I didn't have it. I feel like a coward and you know what? I guess I am. It has made me realize the errors of what I do and the pending consequences of my actions. I hate this. I don't mind bearing the brunt of my mistakes but I would never wish another to do so. It's just unfair.
No sorries will work. No regrets are worth the while.
I will not know how to face them on wednesday. I'm ecstatic for most because they have achieved what they sought to do. I'm worried - Worried to the depths of my being about the others. I love them dearly and this is not the way I want to see or let them go.
At this point, I'm simply taking comfort in the knowledge that Allah knows best. It is He who has gotten it all figured out. I just got to trust that. Allah knows best hence, no matter what happens, it will be for the best. Insya Allah.
Take care, dearies. Whatever happens, it will be for the best. Trust that.
Gosh, I am getting rather emo these days...aren't I?
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I had a good bad day. Or should I say bad good day? I don't know. Anyway, I'm just forgetting about the bad and concentrating on the good...
Kiddos were sweet. 'Nuff said.
Anyway, moving on to something that has bugged me for a while...
Suria Raya Carnival. WHAT THE )@*#$)*$*@#()*#@)*#!!!!??@@!!
I'm sorry lah but there's just something wrong about performances during the nites of ramadhan. And they're upping it during the last ten days or so? To get into the mooood....Wa tak bleh angkat....
And the blardy commercial for the thing?! "Mengeratkan hubungan antara anak dan bapa?!" Flying Fish Fingers...Never mind. Mebbe it does work. I dunno. Whatever it is, it feels rather wrong. Is this the Singapore Malay-Muslim that we are to be?
toodles.
Kiddos were sweet. 'Nuff said.
Anyway, moving on to something that has bugged me for a while...
Suria Raya Carnival. WHAT THE )@*#$)*$*@#()*#@)*#!!!!??@@!!
I'm sorry lah but there's just something wrong about performances during the nites of ramadhan. And they're upping it during the last ten days or so? To get into the mooood....Wa tak bleh angkat....
And the blardy commercial for the thing?! "Mengeratkan hubungan antara anak dan bapa?!" Flying Fish Fingers...Never mind. Mebbe it does work. I dunno. Whatever it is, it feels rather wrong. Is this the Singapore Malay-Muslim that we are to be?
toodles.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
heart-to-heart
I do not wear my heart on my sleeve.
I'm not one of those who express my feelings very well. In fact, I'm one of those crackpots who wind up being perceived as being rather indifferent and altogether - bo-chap. I mean, you can't blame them considering that my parting shot to a sibling who was going off amidst bucketloads of tears was "good riddance coz i got your room." (or something to that effect. it got me into a teeny weeny bit of trouble...hehehe...)
Anyway, it's really not that I don't care. It's just that I choose not to show it.
Ok, I've not gone bizarre. (hmmm....) It's just that I gave them kiddos something today which kinda surprised them to a certain extent. Hehehe...life is so full of surprises...anyhow, I can't help thinking about how these kiddos' feelings towards me are so bloody different from another set of kiddos. But then again, these kiddos started out hating me. To the core. Hehehe...funny...I really don't know whether it's me who got used to them or is it actually the other way round?
Anyhow, let me just get to the point lah...since I'm quite safely anonymous here so the kiddos can't read this, here goes -
"My dear darling kiddos, I'm gonna miss you BIG TIME. I wish I had been better at my job. To be honest, I think I must have screwed up like a lot a lot of times...I'm sure you've seen it and you know it. I could not have asked for a better bunch of kiddos and I'm so darn thankful I got you. I do love you very, very much and I care about you from the bottom of my nonsensically beaten heart. I honestly hope you find your own happiness in life and I cannot begin to thank you for giving me the chance to learn. You have been more than what a tutor can be. If anything, you are the wind beneath my wings. Things will be so strange when you're gone and I'm going to miss you even more when the full impact of your absence hits me.
'I guess there's only one problem left,' (King Triton)
'What is that, Your Majesty?' (Sebastian)
'How much I'm going to miss her(them).' (King Triton)
I got to let you go some time, right? Take care."
Sheesh...emo siak....
I'm not one of those who express my feelings very well. In fact, I'm one of those crackpots who wind up being perceived as being rather indifferent and altogether - bo-chap. I mean, you can't blame them considering that my parting shot to a sibling who was going off amidst bucketloads of tears was "good riddance coz i got your room." (or something to that effect. it got me into a teeny weeny bit of trouble...hehehe...)
Anyway, it's really not that I don't care. It's just that I choose not to show it.
Ok, I've not gone bizarre. (hmmm....) It's just that I gave them kiddos something today which kinda surprised them to a certain extent. Hehehe...life is so full of surprises...anyhow, I can't help thinking about how these kiddos' feelings towards me are so bloody different from another set of kiddos. But then again, these kiddos started out hating me. To the core. Hehehe...funny...I really don't know whether it's me who got used to them or is it actually the other way round?
Anyhow, let me just get to the point lah...since I'm quite safely anonymous here so the kiddos can't read this, here goes -
"My dear darling kiddos, I'm gonna miss you BIG TIME. I wish I had been better at my job. To be honest, I think I must have screwed up like a lot a lot of times...I'm sure you've seen it and you know it. I could not have asked for a better bunch of kiddos and I'm so darn thankful I got you. I do love you very, very much and I care about you from the bottom of my nonsensically beaten heart. I honestly hope you find your own happiness in life and I cannot begin to thank you for giving me the chance to learn. You have been more than what a tutor can be. If anything, you are the wind beneath my wings. Things will be so strange when you're gone and I'm going to miss you even more when the full impact of your absence hits me.
'I guess there's only one problem left,' (King Triton)
'What is that, Your Majesty?' (Sebastian)
'How much I'm going to miss her(them).' (King Triton)
I got to let you go some time, right? Take care."
Sheesh...emo siak....
Holier-Than-Thou
Hmmm...I heard FD happily announcing that India has banned children from being used as labour in homes...Or something to that effect. He even said that "that's good news for the children in India." Ok. Erm, I get it. I love kids and I hate seeing how they're and have been mistreated. It's sad and the thing is most troubled adults become so because of troubled childhood periods. However, I can't help thinking, is it really good news?
I mean, I know that the kids need to be protected by law against such practices but ever considered the fact that by not allowing them to do so, it would mean that the family would be cut off from a source of their income. I'm pretty certain the kids are not domestic helpers by choice. That would mean that they kinda need the income, don't they? Now, when we deprive them of that income, what will they do? Seriously, I hope that besides simply putting the ban in place, the authorities would find a way to help these children and their family find alternative forms of income. Otherwise, the situation will simply worsen whereby kids do it on the sly, which makes them even more prone to being abused by those who "hired" them. What may be worse is that these kids might find themselves pushed into the criminal world(God forbid!). So, are we really helping them?
I can't help thinking that we, in our "developed" countries think of situations from our own perspectives without taking into consideration the needs of others. It's the White Man's Burden all over again. It's just that it's no longer just the ang-moh.
It kinda hurts to know kids are being abused as such but I think it's more than just a problem of the kids. It's a societal problem. It's the poverty cycle that needs to be broken. Honestly, I don't know what to do either. I hope the ban's not just a way of shutting detractors up but a genuine attempt to help and I honestly hope it would really, really help.
I really do.
I mean, I know that the kids need to be protected by law against such practices but ever considered the fact that by not allowing them to do so, it would mean that the family would be cut off from a source of their income. I'm pretty certain the kids are not domestic helpers by choice. That would mean that they kinda need the income, don't they? Now, when we deprive them of that income, what will they do? Seriously, I hope that besides simply putting the ban in place, the authorities would find a way to help these children and their family find alternative forms of income. Otherwise, the situation will simply worsen whereby kids do it on the sly, which makes them even more prone to being abused by those who "hired" them. What may be worse is that these kids might find themselves pushed into the criminal world(God forbid!). So, are we really helping them?
I can't help thinking that we, in our "developed" countries think of situations from our own perspectives without taking into consideration the needs of others. It's the White Man's Burden all over again. It's just that it's no longer just the ang-moh.
It kinda hurts to know kids are being abused as such but I think it's more than just a problem of the kids. It's a societal problem. It's the poverty cycle that needs to be broken. Honestly, I don't know what to do either. I hope the ban's not just a way of shutting detractors up but a genuine attempt to help and I honestly hope it would really, really help.
I really do.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Lambat Setapak (Make that a few tapaks)
Do you get the feeling that you're a teensy weensy bit behind time at times? Make that most times. Screw that. Make that, erm...like waaayyy behind time, like all the time? Hmmm...
Honestly, I feel that way. Don't get me wrong. I'm contented with whatever life has presented to me. I have been blessed in too many ways to feel unhappy or disgruntled. It's just that I feel as though I'm kinda left behind...
Ok, this is going to sound so pukingly pathetic but here goes nothing:
My folks...they kinda got me pretty late...Like a decade after my other sibling(s) which meant that they grew up a lot earlier than I did. I was perpetually trying to "catch up" with them but heck, it just doesn't quite work that way. Even now, when I'm supposed to be an adult, just like them, I feel that the gap between us has grown so much. I love them very much and I have no doubt that they feel the same way about me however, there's a gap there that's just so hard to fill...
Among friends, I've always been the "last-to-most-things"....yeah, I get it...I'm s-l-o-w but just shut up and hear me out (or rather, read me out?) Ok, I get it, partly it's due to my bloody antisocialness as a kid. Come on, I just don't do the let's play catching downstairs thing...I hate catching. I hate police and thief. I hate hide-and-seek. Hence, I chose not to participate in most of such activities. Give me scrabble, any day of the week and I'd beat the hell out of you. (either that or I will cry and wail and you'd have to give in to me anyway. so there.) Anyway, ok, fine...guess that would explain part of the reason why I'm a little behind time but hey...I did a lot of catching up already ok...Like even though it took me almost a quarter of a century to put on a skirt, I DID!! SO THERE!!!
Anyway, I'm obviously digressing...My point is, no matter how much I try to keep up with things, I just kinda flounder and it's getting ridiculous. To be honest, I don't really want to "keep up" anymore. I just want to rilek-one-korner...but somehow this place is not allowing me to sit on my bum...I really need to get away, you know? Never mind..
Ok, mindless rambling finito.
Game over.
Honestly, I feel that way. Don't get me wrong. I'm contented with whatever life has presented to me. I have been blessed in too many ways to feel unhappy or disgruntled. It's just that I feel as though I'm kinda left behind...
Ok, this is going to sound so pukingly pathetic but here goes nothing:
My folks...they kinda got me pretty late...Like a decade after my other sibling(s) which meant that they grew up a lot earlier than I did. I was perpetually trying to "catch up" with them but heck, it just doesn't quite work that way. Even now, when I'm supposed to be an adult, just like them, I feel that the gap between us has grown so much. I love them very much and I have no doubt that they feel the same way about me however, there's a gap there that's just so hard to fill...
Among friends, I've always been the "last-to-most-things"....yeah, I get it...I'm s-l-o-w but just shut up and hear me out (or rather, read me out?) Ok, I get it, partly it's due to my bloody antisocialness as a kid. Come on, I just don't do the let's play catching downstairs thing...I hate catching. I hate police and thief. I hate hide-and-seek. Hence, I chose not to participate in most of such activities. Give me scrabble, any day of the week and I'd beat the hell out of you. (either that or I will cry and wail and you'd have to give in to me anyway. so there.) Anyway, ok, fine...guess that would explain part of the reason why I'm a little behind time but hey...I did a lot of catching up already ok...Like even though it took me almost a quarter of a century to put on a skirt, I DID!! SO THERE!!!
Anyway, I'm obviously digressing...My point is, no matter how much I try to keep up with things, I just kinda flounder and it's getting ridiculous. To be honest, I don't really want to "keep up" anymore. I just want to rilek-one-korner...but somehow this place is not allowing me to sit on my bum...I really need to get away, you know? Never mind..
Ok, mindless rambling finito.
Game over.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Scaredy Cat
I like cats. Actually, I like dogs too just that the whole touching them's a little bit of a problem but anyhow, I do like the furry things..
Anyway, here's a clip I got off youtube...So damn bloody cute...
Anyway, here's a clip I got off youtube...So damn bloody cute...
Beautiful Sunday
My, my, my beautiful Sunday....
This is my, my, my beautiful day...
When you say, say, say, say that you love me...
Oh~ my, my, my, it's a beautiful day...
GOOD MORNING, CYBERWORLD!!!
Ok lah..not quite early in the morning...but GOOD MORNING!!!
I'm a bit the zoinked at the moment. Had too much sleep, me thinks so everything's a little hazy. (or is that the air conditions?) Anyway, I'm still yawning as I type this. This feels like such a super duper lazy sunday...
Anyway, yesterday's break fasting experience was a little bit more elaborate coz all my little twerps (read: brother's offspring) along with the rest of the family came over. That littlest shortfry's damn cute lah...I want to bite that boy...Sigh, now I'm missing my other, even tinier, shortier little twerp...Oh well...
Anyway, what better way to start the morning than to talk about the fact that I'm super screwed coz I've not finished a whole lot of my work...And the most bizarre part of it all? I don't give a flying fish...(Fasting month, cannot say expletives)..which is ultra weird lah...considering that I'm one of the most super kanchiong, gabra-nak-mampos, highly neurotic and all-in-all just a simple nervous-wreck-next-door....I'm sure that the only way to explain this would be that I'm probably still in denial...Just wait...just you wait when the clock hits the witching hour of midnite...Then, I would be at my normal best. Until then, let me bask in my little dreamworld...
Well, see ya! (Probably, very soon.)
This is my, my, my beautiful day...
When you say, say, say, say that you love me...
Oh~ my, my, my, it's a beautiful day...
GOOD MORNING, CYBERWORLD!!!
Ok lah..not quite early in the morning...but GOOD MORNING!!!
I'm a bit the zoinked at the moment. Had too much sleep, me thinks so everything's a little hazy. (or is that the air conditions?) Anyway, I'm still yawning as I type this. This feels like such a super duper lazy sunday...
Anyway, yesterday's break fasting experience was a little bit more elaborate coz all my little twerps (read: brother's offspring) along with the rest of the family came over. That littlest shortfry's damn cute lah...I want to bite that boy...Sigh, now I'm missing my other, even tinier, shortier little twerp...Oh well...
Anyway, what better way to start the morning than to talk about the fact that I'm super screwed coz I've not finished a whole lot of my work...And the most bizarre part of it all? I don't give a flying fish...(Fasting month, cannot say expletives)..which is ultra weird lah...considering that I'm one of the most super kanchiong, gabra-nak-mampos, highly neurotic and all-in-all just a simple nervous-wreck-next-door....I'm sure that the only way to explain this would be that I'm probably still in denial...Just wait...just you wait when the clock hits the witching hour of midnite...Then, I would be at my normal best. Until then, let me bask in my little dreamworld...
Well, see ya! (Probably, very soon.)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
tee hee
okay. this i gotta share with you before anything else - he's cute. hehehe...
saturdays seem more fun now. ;OP
Ok. Main entry -
Let's see here...I'm crazy about books. Ok, I am crazy about a lot of things but books form quite a major part of my insanity. I kinda like almost anything and everything unless it's really, really boring (surprisingly, dictionaries are NOT boring). Anyway, my point is, there's this author who goes by the name of Harun Yahya. He's got really good books with some amazing information about almost anything...from ancient Mt Vesuvius to the Knights Templar and even an ant...He's got them all. I highly recommend his "Perished Nations". Uber-cool.
The thing is, his writings kinda make me wonder and stand in awe of all that're around me. It's incredibly eye-opening, thought-provoking, humbling and sigh...I can't even attempt to explain myself...It's just...sigh...
I've been reading a lot, as you can tell. It's my way of diverting attention away from work. Some call it a hobby. I just call it a diversion. A nice diversion. Which brings us back to my Saturdays. Yet another nice diversion. ;OP
Adios!
saturdays seem more fun now. ;OP
Ok. Main entry -
Let's see here...I'm crazy about books. Ok, I am crazy about a lot of things but books form quite a major part of my insanity. I kinda like almost anything and everything unless it's really, really boring (surprisingly, dictionaries are NOT boring). Anyway, my point is, there's this author who goes by the name of Harun Yahya. He's got really good books with some amazing information about almost anything...from ancient Mt Vesuvius to the Knights Templar and even an ant...He's got them all. I highly recommend his "Perished Nations". Uber-cool.
The thing is, his writings kinda make me wonder and stand in awe of all that're around me. It's incredibly eye-opening, thought-provoking, humbling and sigh...I can't even attempt to explain myself...It's just...sigh...
I've been reading a lot, as you can tell. It's my way of diverting attention away from work. Some call it a hobby. I just call it a diversion. A nice diversion. Which brings us back to my Saturdays. Yet another nice diversion. ;OP
Adios!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
gee
Well, let's see here...
I don't really have much to write, which translates into...this will be a very long entry...
It seems as though I've been getting one too many job offers. I am not complaining...I mean, it is most definitely a good thing...It's just that it kinda makes me think...Is my unhappiness at this present moment so incredibly evident that folks all around me are able to sense it and thus try to "ease" my situations by offering me jobs?
Actually, what is it that makes me so unhappy anyway?
Truth be told, there are certain times when I realize that part of me just belongs where I am. I love the folks I deal with and I care deeply about most of them. However, as time goes by, I grow increasingly distant and I don't seem to quite care anymore at times and that scares me. My strength used to lie in my ability to relate and communicate with the folks. However, it is becoming increasingly evident that that strength is growing rather wearisome and my true "ability" seem to be the manner through which I execute the material. I have become a professional in that respect. With that, I'm losing those rough edges that helped me to connect with people..I feel rather robotic...
Perhaps, that could be the problem. Needless to say, I'm quite emo lah...Don't get me wrong. I'm not the cry-me-a-river kind...I just need to feel when I do things...It's like when I write or read or whatever, I need to feel what I do...I loved my job because I used to feel a lot for it...Nowadays, I'm just so exhausted that the only feeling I have is weariness. I'm becoming desensitized and that scares me, though some think that that's actually a positive development...Aargghhh...
Another part of me just feels overused. I feel trapped. It feels as if I've been walled into a tiny corner with no way in or out. It's so infuriating and I..I just don't quite know how to explain it...
Perhaps, it's not just the job. Perhaps, it's also about me finding me. I don't quite know where I'm headed at the moment. I just feel myself being forced to ride the waves...I'm trying to figure things out but before I can, I wind up drowning...It keeps happening over and over again...I need something...I don't know what it is but there is something that's missing here...I feel as if I'm on the verge of finding something but I've still yet to grasp it. Perhaps, I'm not ready enough and thus I've not found it yet...but...I honestly don't know how or what exactly am I preparing for??? Am I supposed to be preparing for something anyway???
I don't know...I just don't know.
Anyway, I walked down Orchard Road today. I "missed" my bus stop. Honestly, I don't like O.R. I think it's just too crowded but heck...Come to think of it, I don't like most places. I like being the bookworm and I miss being one. Oh well.
Anyway, take care.
I don't really have much to write, which translates into...this will be a very long entry...
It seems as though I've been getting one too many job offers. I am not complaining...I mean, it is most definitely a good thing...It's just that it kinda makes me think...Is my unhappiness at this present moment so incredibly evident that folks all around me are able to sense it and thus try to "ease" my situations by offering me jobs?
Actually, what is it that makes me so unhappy anyway?
Truth be told, there are certain times when I realize that part of me just belongs where I am. I love the folks I deal with and I care deeply about most of them. However, as time goes by, I grow increasingly distant and I don't seem to quite care anymore at times and that scares me. My strength used to lie in my ability to relate and communicate with the folks. However, it is becoming increasingly evident that that strength is growing rather wearisome and my true "ability" seem to be the manner through which I execute the material. I have become a professional in that respect. With that, I'm losing those rough edges that helped me to connect with people..I feel rather robotic...
Perhaps, that could be the problem. Needless to say, I'm quite emo lah...Don't get me wrong. I'm not the cry-me-a-river kind...I just need to feel when I do things...It's like when I write or read or whatever, I need to feel what I do...I loved my job because I used to feel a lot for it...Nowadays, I'm just so exhausted that the only feeling I have is weariness. I'm becoming desensitized and that scares me, though some think that that's actually a positive development...Aargghhh...
Another part of me just feels overused. I feel trapped. It feels as if I've been walled into a tiny corner with no way in or out. It's so infuriating and I..I just don't quite know how to explain it...
Perhaps, it's not just the job. Perhaps, it's also about me finding me. I don't quite know where I'm headed at the moment. I just feel myself being forced to ride the waves...I'm trying to figure things out but before I can, I wind up drowning...It keeps happening over and over again...I need something...I don't know what it is but there is something that's missing here...I feel as if I'm on the verge of finding something but I've still yet to grasp it. Perhaps, I'm not ready enough and thus I've not found it yet...but...I honestly don't know how or what exactly am I preparing for??? Am I supposed to be preparing for something anyway???
I don't know...I just don't know.
Anyway, I walked down Orchard Road today. I "missed" my bus stop. Honestly, I don't like O.R. I think it's just too crowded but heck...Come to think of it, I don't like most places. I like being the bookworm and I miss being one. Oh well.
Anyway, take care.
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