Do you get the feeling that you're a teensy weensy bit behind time at times? Make that most times. Screw that. Make that, erm...like waaayyy behind time, like all the time? Hmmm...
Honestly, I feel that way. Don't get me wrong. I'm contented with whatever life has presented to me. I have been blessed in too many ways to feel unhappy or disgruntled. It's just that I feel as though I'm kinda left behind...
Ok, this is going to sound so pukingly pathetic but here goes nothing:
My folks...they kinda got me pretty late...Like a decade after my other sibling(s) which meant that they grew up a lot earlier than I did. I was perpetually trying to "catch up" with them but heck, it just doesn't quite work that way. Even now, when I'm supposed to be an adult, just like them, I feel that the gap between us has grown so much. I love them very much and I have no doubt that they feel the same way about me however, there's a gap there that's just so hard to fill...
Among friends, I've always been the "last-to-most-things"....yeah, I get it...I'm s-l-o-w but just shut up and hear me out (or rather, read me out?) Ok, I get it, partly it's due to my bloody antisocialness as a kid. Come on, I just don't do the let's play catching downstairs thing...I hate catching. I hate police and thief. I hate hide-and-seek. Hence, I chose not to participate in most of such activities. Give me scrabble, any day of the week and I'd beat the hell out of you. (either that or I will cry and wail and you'd have to give in to me anyway. so there.) Anyway, ok, fine...guess that would explain part of the reason why I'm a little behind time but hey...I did a lot of catching up already ok...Like even though it took me almost a quarter of a century to put on a skirt, I DID!! SO THERE!!!
Anyway, I'm obviously digressing...My point is, no matter how much I try to keep up with things, I just kinda flounder and it's getting ridiculous. To be honest, I don't really want to "keep up" anymore. I just want to rilek-one-korner...but somehow this place is not allowing me to sit on my bum...I really need to get away, you know? Never mind..
Ok, mindless rambling finito.
Game over.
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2 comments:
i'm in the same predicament.
back in the days as a teen, i always thought that i would have things figured out by the time i become an adult.
fact of the matter is, now that i've been an adult for a few years already, i'm still waaaaay behind my own expectations.
in short, i'm a loser.
i spend all my waking hours trying to play catch up too. most of the time with myself. it tires me to no end but i keep telling myself my big break is just around the corner.
it HAS to coz it's driving me insane! haha!
ehhh...if you're a loser, then that makes me one too! damn...not only am I a dork, but I am now a dorky loser?!
Anyway, yeah, it's just not getting any simpler, is it?
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