Do you get the feeling that you're a teensy weensy bit behind time at times? Make that most times. Screw that. Make that, erm...like waaayyy behind time, like all the time? Hmmm...
Honestly, I feel that way. Don't get me wrong. I'm contented with whatever life has presented to me. I have been blessed in too many ways to feel unhappy or disgruntled. It's just that I feel as though I'm kinda left behind...
Ok, this is going to sound so pukingly pathetic but here goes nothing:
My folks...they kinda got me pretty late...Like a decade after my other sibling(s) which meant that they grew up a lot earlier than I did. I was perpetually trying to "catch up" with them but heck, it just doesn't quite work that way. Even now, when I'm supposed to be an adult, just like them, I feel that the gap between us has grown so much. I love them very much and I have no doubt that they feel the same way about me however, there's a gap there that's just so hard to fill...
Among friends, I've always been the "last-to-most-things"....yeah, I get it...I'm s-l-o-w but just shut up and hear me out (or rather, read me out?) Ok, I get it, partly it's due to my bloody antisocialness as a kid. Come on, I just don't do the let's play catching downstairs thing...I hate catching. I hate police and thief. I hate hide-and-seek. Hence, I chose not to participate in most of such activities. Give me scrabble, any day of the week and I'd beat the hell out of you. (either that or I will cry and wail and you'd have to give in to me anyway. so there.) Anyway, ok, fine...guess that would explain part of the reason why I'm a little behind time but hey...I did a lot of catching up already ok...Like even though it took me almost a quarter of a century to put on a skirt, I DID!! SO THERE!!!
Anyway, I'm obviously digressing...My point is, no matter how much I try to keep up with things, I just kinda flounder and it's getting ridiculous. To be honest, I don't really want to "keep up" anymore. I just want to rilek-one-korner...but somehow this place is not allowing me to sit on my bum...I really need to get away, you know? Never mind..
Ok, mindless rambling finito.
Game over.
Monday, October 09, 2006
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2 comments:
i'm in the same predicament.
back in the days as a teen, i always thought that i would have things figured out by the time i become an adult.
fact of the matter is, now that i've been an adult for a few years already, i'm still waaaaay behind my own expectations.
in short, i'm a loser.
i spend all my waking hours trying to play catch up too. most of the time with myself. it tires me to no end but i keep telling myself my big break is just around the corner.
it HAS to coz it's driving me insane! haha!
ehhh...if you're a loser, then that makes me one too! damn...not only am I a dork, but I am now a dorky loser?!
Anyway, yeah, it's just not getting any simpler, is it?
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