Wow...It has been a while, hasn't it?
Been rather busy these days. Infact, I will probably get even busier. Got some wedding stuff to do for friend...PRESSURE!!! Gua tak bleh tahan...Leciak ah ini suma kawin kawin...Lu mahu kawin, lu kawin aja lah...banyak leciak lor ni pompuan mau kawin...
Ignore that. That's another weirdo side of me...leave it be...
Anyway, tried my hand at floral arrangement and guess what? I don't suck. Amazing. I mean, it's not fantastic but at least, there's some semblance of flowers being arranged. Hehehe...dah boleh bukak florist...Macam real jer...
I went a little wacky...
Eh...I met one of my old friends...Wahh...it was great seeing her. Made me kinda recall a whole bunch of things..
Anyway, let me just do a short update of what's been happening -
Friday and Saturday were jalan-raya days...I lost count of the number of houses I went to...Going over to different houses and seeing how different people are living can make you go rather reflective...This is especially so when I visit the homes of the elderly...I start to wonder, what would I be like when I get to their age? Would I have visitors? Would the visitors be the annual type (much like what I just did) or will they be regular ones? What happens if I were to be alone at that age? Would I be in a home? Would I have amnesia or gone senile? It just makes you wonder...There were a couple of old ladies who were wonderfully looked after by their daughters...The thing is, it made me wonder what would happen when the elderly ones pass away and the daughters grow old...Who will be the ones to look after them considering that they chose singlehood in order to look after their aged parents? I saw elderly who seem forgotten...It's quite heart-wrenching...All in all, an eye-opening experience...
Sunday was slack around at home and do nothing day....BEEYOOTEEFOOL....
Monday and Tuesday...WORK...BAH!
Before I leave, I want to share wise words from my nephew:
Question: Do you find her pretty? (Referring to picture of lady on green packet for kids) She's pretty, right?
Answer: Hmmm...I want to see her face without make up...This one all got make up...
He made me smile when he said that. If only he retains such wisdom as he gets older...
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
The Finale
Whoopiedoodles! My, my, my beautiful Friday...How are you? :OD
Anyway, it was sorta a half day thing at work yesterday so my colleagues and I decided to catch a show. I had some bits of things to finish up so the other folks went off first for lunch and I caught up with them later. Anyway, before this turns too narrative: I booked my holiday!!!
Bali, here we come. Hehehe...I don't quite know what came over us in that instance but the next thing we knew, we had booked a flight out to Bali. It's a little unnerving to think that we just did that with no second thoughts but no regrets. I want to go to Bali. I want to see the nature, the history, the everything. I want to know more about SEAsia. That has been my aim. I want to travel to all SEAsian countries and explore them. This region is incredibly fascinating. I think I wrote about it in my older blogs, if I were to get married (BIG IF), I want my honeymoon to be a sorta backpacker thing through a SEAsian country. I want that. Will it happen? Oh well...
Afterwhich, I got tickets to Puteri Gunung Ledang. My colleague was trying hard to suppress laughter as I told her about the tale of the Princess of Mt Ophir. To a certain extent, it is all a little over the top but when you scrape off the mumbo jumbo and spiritual bits, it's a telling tale of megalomania and the futility of certain things we do in life. I've watched, or tried to watch and read every version of the Princess I can come across. The thing is, I have a thing for legends (hence, my fascination with Bali and the rest of SEAsia) and myths. I don't really believe most of the crap but I do believe that there's a grain of truth behind each and every myth or at least a moral shared. So erm, let's see how the musical unfolds...
Last thing - The Prestige.
Brain-addling, mind-bending, jaw-dropping show that is everything it set itself out to be -It was a magic trick in itself. Or is it really trickery? Man, it's a brilliant show and yes, I can confirm that I am in "love" with Christian Bale. Sigh. I've liked the guy since Empire of the Sun and Little Women. Sigh...
Anyway, have a great weekend!
Anyway, it was sorta a half day thing at work yesterday so my colleagues and I decided to catch a show. I had some bits of things to finish up so the other folks went off first for lunch and I caught up with them later. Anyway, before this turns too narrative: I booked my holiday!!!
Bali, here we come. Hehehe...I don't quite know what came over us in that instance but the next thing we knew, we had booked a flight out to Bali. It's a little unnerving to think that we just did that with no second thoughts but no regrets. I want to go to Bali. I want to see the nature, the history, the everything. I want to know more about SEAsia. That has been my aim. I want to travel to all SEAsian countries and explore them. This region is incredibly fascinating. I think I wrote about it in my older blogs, if I were to get married (BIG IF), I want my honeymoon to be a sorta backpacker thing through a SEAsian country. I want that. Will it happen? Oh well...
Afterwhich, I got tickets to Puteri Gunung Ledang. My colleague was trying hard to suppress laughter as I told her about the tale of the Princess of Mt Ophir. To a certain extent, it is all a little over the top but when you scrape off the mumbo jumbo and spiritual bits, it's a telling tale of megalomania and the futility of certain things we do in life. I've watched, or tried to watch and read every version of the Princess I can come across. The thing is, I have a thing for legends (hence, my fascination with Bali and the rest of SEAsia) and myths. I don't really believe most of the crap but I do believe that there's a grain of truth behind each and every myth or at least a moral shared. So erm, let's see how the musical unfolds...
Last thing - The Prestige.
Brain-addling, mind-bending, jaw-dropping show that is everything it set itself out to be -It was a magic trick in itself. Or is it really trickery? Man, it's a brilliant show and yes, I can confirm that I am in "love" with Christian Bale. Sigh. I've liked the guy since Empire of the Sun and Little Women. Sigh...
Anyway, have a great weekend!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Rainy Rhythms...
"Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain...Telling me just what a fool I've been..."
Mr Blanko made me laugh so hard today. Although you didn't mean to do so, heck, thanks a million, buddy!
You know that you have a weird day going for you when after so thoughtful (or so I thought) a consideration of potential weather hazards, I still managed to get myself utterly drenched. In the midst of it all, I kinda thought it was all a little funny and started to smile to myself which made me realize (after a little while) that even as I thought the day was weird, others thought I was even weirder...Oh well...I had fun.
You know, there's just something really calming about walking in the rain. I don't know about you but I used to love getting caught in the rain. I recall a time in my teens (macam lah aku tua sangat...) when we used to stay behind in school on Fridays for "CCA". Uhuh. Yup. It was definitely "just for CCA". Anyway, on Fridays, the Muslim dudes are supposed to be off to the mosque. There would naturally be some of the more ass-headed ones but those would usually steer clear of my budz and me (erm, we had a slight rep for being a little on the "garang" side and one friend in particular, was infamous for her very public putdown of any asshead who behaves like one. Seriously, one day, I'd give you a glimpse of my teenhood...It's, erm, it's a teenhood thing...) Well anyway, on one such fine Friday, there was this glorious downpour and yup yup, first thing we did, danced wildly in the rain. Erm, ok so "dance" may not quite be the word to use...We just jumped around and splashed water here there and everywhere...
It was all perfect but we forgot this one tiny detail - we had gotten tickets for this movie screening in school which was to be held in one of the North-pole-like lecture theatres...(Singapore has a bizarre obsession with keeping "cool"...Cold isn't cool.) So, yeah...we, the idiots of Singapore, proceeded to the venue, dripping wet and freezing cold...sat through the show...Now, I can't even recall the show and why is that? Oh duh...I was too busy trying not to pee and thinking warm thoughts so I don't turn into an icicle...So erm, needless to say, I lost my voice and caught a fever which meant that I had a fantastic weekend...
Movie ticket - $2.50 (cheapo LT version what...)
Doctor's medical fee - $25.00
Scolding from mum - Endless. (or so it seemed)
Memories - Priceless.
BYE!
Mr Blanko made me laugh so hard today. Although you didn't mean to do so, heck, thanks a million, buddy!
You know that you have a weird day going for you when after so thoughtful (or so I thought) a consideration of potential weather hazards, I still managed to get myself utterly drenched. In the midst of it all, I kinda thought it was all a little funny and started to smile to myself which made me realize (after a little while) that even as I thought the day was weird, others thought I was even weirder...Oh well...I had fun.
You know, there's just something really calming about walking in the rain. I don't know about you but I used to love getting caught in the rain. I recall a time in my teens (macam lah aku tua sangat...) when we used to stay behind in school on Fridays for "CCA". Uhuh. Yup. It was definitely "just for CCA". Anyway, on Fridays, the Muslim dudes are supposed to be off to the mosque. There would naturally be some of the more ass-headed ones but those would usually steer clear of my budz and me (erm, we had a slight rep for being a little on the "garang" side and one friend in particular, was infamous for her very public putdown of any asshead who behaves like one. Seriously, one day, I'd give you a glimpse of my teenhood...It's, erm, it's a teenhood thing...) Well anyway, on one such fine Friday, there was this glorious downpour and yup yup, first thing we did, danced wildly in the rain. Erm, ok so "dance" may not quite be the word to use...We just jumped around and splashed water here there and everywhere...
It was all perfect but we forgot this one tiny detail - we had gotten tickets for this movie screening in school which was to be held in one of the North-pole-like lecture theatres...(Singapore has a bizarre obsession with keeping "cool"...Cold isn't cool.) So, yeah...we, the idiots of Singapore, proceeded to the venue, dripping wet and freezing cold...sat through the show...Now, I can't even recall the show and why is that? Oh duh...I was too busy trying not to pee and thinking warm thoughts so I don't turn into an icicle...So erm, needless to say, I lost my voice and caught a fever which meant that I had a fantastic weekend...
Movie ticket - $2.50 (cheapo LT version what...)
Doctor's medical fee - $25.00
Scolding from mum - Endless. (or so it seemed)
Memories - Priceless.
BYE!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Sleepyhead
Hey folks. Hope the day's going well for you.
I've been super tired. As it is, I'm still awaiting visitors...I'm just super dazed already lah by now...
Not so great news: Colleague cum friend was involved in an accident. She's currently in NUH. I think I might go a-visiting. Her little sons and husband must be worried sick. Insya Allah, everything will be ok.
On another note: It has finally occurred to me that I might need to reevaluate my priorities. Plus, I think Ego's gotta eat humble pie. Ego: You stopped being cool eons ago so time to say goodbye. (Darn, but it's just sooooo hard...)
Anyway, for now I got to go take care of Ego. Till whenever, tata!
Oh, and Selamat Menyambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri and take care whoever, wherever you are.
I've been super tired. As it is, I'm still awaiting visitors...I'm just super dazed already lah by now...
Not so great news: Colleague cum friend was involved in an accident. She's currently in NUH. I think I might go a-visiting. Her little sons and husband must be worried sick. Insya Allah, everything will be ok.
On another note: It has finally occurred to me that I might need to reevaluate my priorities. Plus, I think Ego's gotta eat humble pie. Ego: You stopped being cool eons ago so time to say goodbye. (Darn, but it's just sooooo hard...)
Anyway, for now I got to go take care of Ego. Till whenever, tata!
Oh, and Selamat Menyambut Hari Raya Aidilfitri and take care whoever, wherever you are.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
suasana hari raya
Burnt fingers, hardened melted chocs, double layers and funny stories: That pretty much sums up my one and only kuih-making experience for this year.
Hehehe...I really miss my old place...
I used to have time to do all the funny things people do whenever Eid comes along...including:
1. House decorating and erm, in my family of wannabe-decorators, everyone's gotta have a say...and it used to get a little insane...
2. Cookie-making: Ok, let me make it crystal clear right now - I DO NOT ENJOY BUTTER. The smell alone makes me wanna puke. So, cookie-making used to be a stomach-churning experience for me...Kuih Tat is by far, the worst...gua tak leh angkat beb...
3. Mad, frantic rush for clothes: Frankly, I'm a lot simpler than sibs...Just throw on any baju kurung used to be fine plus Mummy used to do the getting of clothes. Now, I got to do it myself and the yah...shoots...
4. Baju kena burnt: In my family, for years, it has been a tradition for someone to burn a hole in their baju raya almost every year...I don't even know whether to be proud of it or not? Please, this tradition's got to end...
Guess, there should be many other things lah but anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that, you know, it really doesn't matter? I guess it's kinda fun to do the things we do but to get it confused with religion is a whole other thing...Simplicity should always be the key, shouldn't it?
This is real stupid but we waste a heck of a lot during "festive" occasions when there is actually absolutely NO NEED for it. It's just all very silly. I think the best Hari Raya would be for my whole family to just get together and hang out as we used to do...The things we used to do were fun, not because we had to do it for Eid but because, we did it together, as a family. And I miss that. I just miss my family.
I miss the whole ketupat making thing when all the kids and Dad used to make ketupats...and the older ladies used to fill them up with the rice...The whole lighting up thing would be a family affair...I miss the craziness of getting a cab coz we could never fit into just one cab...I really miss my family...
I hope this raya will bring us closer - closer to each other and closer to Allah. I have a promise made to myself and I'm willing myself to stick to it. I don't know if I will but I will try to. Insya Allah.
Hehehe...I really miss my old place...
I used to have time to do all the funny things people do whenever Eid comes along...including:
1. House decorating and erm, in my family of wannabe-decorators, everyone's gotta have a say...and it used to get a little insane...
2. Cookie-making: Ok, let me make it crystal clear right now - I DO NOT ENJOY BUTTER. The smell alone makes me wanna puke. So, cookie-making used to be a stomach-churning experience for me...Kuih Tat is by far, the worst...gua tak leh angkat beb...
3. Mad, frantic rush for clothes: Frankly, I'm a lot simpler than sibs...Just throw on any baju kurung used to be fine plus Mummy used to do the getting of clothes. Now, I got to do it myself and the yah...shoots...
4. Baju kena burnt: In my family, for years, it has been a tradition for someone to burn a hole in their baju raya almost every year...I don't even know whether to be proud of it or not? Please, this tradition's got to end...
Guess, there should be many other things lah but anyway, what I'm trying to get at is that, you know, it really doesn't matter? I guess it's kinda fun to do the things we do but to get it confused with religion is a whole other thing...Simplicity should always be the key, shouldn't it?
This is real stupid but we waste a heck of a lot during "festive" occasions when there is actually absolutely NO NEED for it. It's just all very silly. I think the best Hari Raya would be for my whole family to just get together and hang out as we used to do...The things we used to do were fun, not because we had to do it for Eid but because, we did it together, as a family. And I miss that. I just miss my family.
I miss the whole ketupat making thing when all the kids and Dad used to make ketupats...and the older ladies used to fill them up with the rice...The whole lighting up thing would be a family affair...I miss the craziness of getting a cab coz we could never fit into just one cab...I really miss my family...
I hope this raya will bring us closer - closer to each other and closer to Allah. I have a promise made to myself and I'm willing myself to stick to it. I don't know if I will but I will try to. Insya Allah.
colours...
I'm telling you it's all in the colours...
I love colours. They make me happy. I feel a certain sense of freshness when I see happy doopy colours. But of course, got to be tastefully done lah...Otherwise, apa seh...nonsense only...
By the way, remember me telling me not to go Geylang? I did it again and no, not going to complain about it because gatal sendiri. So, serves you right, Crappie. But, there was a moment that was kinda cool. We (Yes, I was not alone in my gatal-tak-serik-serik moment and I am not talking about my other self) had to go over this overhead bridge which no one else seem to use coz jaywalking was much preferred by most but since I still value my life and am generally a stickler for propriety or at least I try to be...erm...too much digression, what was I talking about? Oh yeah...I mean, we used the overhead bridge, the one at Haig Road...we kinda stopped at the corner of it for a moment to just watch people...That was kinda fun coz you see so many people from all walks of life doing their own thing and it's just amazing to see how so many different lives converged in that one moment. It's like, you're really, really just one of millions of others...It's just incredible, do you get it? Anyway, we kinda thought if Amazing Race wanted a challenge, they should try out Geylang Bazaar as a potential spot.
Whatever it is, I was glad to be on my way home. Phew, I survived Geylang part deux.
On another note, I want to do more with my life.
I love colours. They make me happy. I feel a certain sense of freshness when I see happy doopy colours. But of course, got to be tastefully done lah...Otherwise, apa seh...nonsense only...
By the way, remember me telling me not to go Geylang? I did it again and no, not going to complain about it because gatal sendiri. So, serves you right, Crappie. But, there was a moment that was kinda cool. We (Yes, I was not alone in my gatal-tak-serik-serik moment and I am not talking about my other self) had to go over this overhead bridge which no one else seem to use coz jaywalking was much preferred by most but since I still value my life and am generally a stickler for propriety or at least I try to be...erm...too much digression, what was I talking about? Oh yeah...I mean, we used the overhead bridge, the one at Haig Road...we kinda stopped at the corner of it for a moment to just watch people...That was kinda fun coz you see so many people from all walks of life doing their own thing and it's just amazing to see how so many different lives converged in that one moment. It's like, you're really, really just one of millions of others...It's just incredible, do you get it? Anyway, we kinda thought if Amazing Race wanted a challenge, they should try out Geylang Bazaar as a potential spot.
Whatever it is, I was glad to be on my way home. Phew, I survived Geylang part deux.
On another note, I want to do more with my life.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
Classics
Ever since I was a kid, I had been weaned on old songs be it English, Hindi or Malay. The main point is they got to be old. Hence, I've always been a lot less than "hip" in my song preferences. Anyway, I found this clip on youtube of one of my favourite old songs from one of my favourite b/w films - Musang Berjanggut.
Here goes:
Here goes:
Gift
Have you ever got ever gotten a gift you'd rather return?
I just did. The thing is, I got me that "gift". (Yes, I do give myself gifts. It's a dual personality thing.) Hmm..never mind, I'd stick by it. Through thick or thin. Thanks for the gift. :OP
Anyway, I've been sneezing all morning. It's real annoying.
Goodness, raya's on Tuesday. As much as I would love to leave my room as it is, I can't coz my relatives are all coming over on the first day. And my room's getting converted into an extra living room. Great.
It's in a super duper mess. It's incredible to see the amount of junk I've accumulated over the years. I'm so blardy screwed lah. How to clean, sia?
Btw, yesterday was a little insane. Kids cried and cried. Macam kesian gitu. I really don't like system ni. Apa merepek seh?
Kiddos, I know I've been an absolute b**** to you folks. (You really, really know how to put my blood in a kettle over a fire.) That doesn't mean I don't like you. I just think you need some major growing up to do. I know the results are crappy but you know what, the way some of you have reacted made me real proud and I'm kinda glad that you got the results that you did. I only hope you know what to do next year. Don't repeat the same mistakes. (Make new ones, hehehe...no, you don't if you can help it.) Strangely, things will work out for the best. Trust that.
See lah...talking to non-existent kiddos again. They oso won't read this. Takpe lah...
But honestly, part of me feels so responsible for their plight. I'm just feeling like crap. So now, innercrap's feeling rather outercrapped. Or rather, all-crapped-out. Macam tak fair gitu.
I guess I need to remind me that there is a silver lining to all that has happened. In a way, it's also a "gift" of sorts.
Enough of my mish-mash of nonsense.
I just did. The thing is, I got me that "gift". (Yes, I do give myself gifts. It's a dual personality thing.) Hmm..never mind, I'd stick by it. Through thick or thin. Thanks for the gift. :OP
Anyway, I've been sneezing all morning. It's real annoying.
Goodness, raya's on Tuesday. As much as I would love to leave my room as it is, I can't coz my relatives are all coming over on the first day. And my room's getting converted into an extra living room. Great.
It's in a super duper mess. It's incredible to see the amount of junk I've accumulated over the years. I'm so blardy screwed lah. How to clean, sia?
Btw, yesterday was a little insane. Kids cried and cried. Macam kesian gitu. I really don't like system ni. Apa merepek seh?
Kiddos, I know I've been an absolute b**** to you folks. (You really, really know how to put my blood in a kettle over a fire.) That doesn't mean I don't like you. I just think you need some major growing up to do. I know the results are crappy but you know what, the way some of you have reacted made me real proud and I'm kinda glad that you got the results that you did. I only hope you know what to do next year. Don't repeat the same mistakes. (Make new ones, hehehe...no, you don't if you can help it.) Strangely, things will work out for the best. Trust that.
See lah...talking to non-existent kiddos again. They oso won't read this. Takpe lah...
But honestly, part of me feels so responsible for their plight. I'm just feeling like crap. So now, innercrap's feeling rather outercrapped. Or rather, all-crapped-out. Macam tak fair gitu.
I guess I need to remind me that there is a silver lining to all that has happened. In a way, it's also a "gift" of sorts.
Enough of my mish-mash of nonsense.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
hmmm....
"IT IS A SERIOUS INJURY. IT'S BLEEDING ALL OVER. IT IS A SERIOUS INJURY!!!" (some kid who will come to understand how serious injuries can be if he continues with his screams. Look buster, don't make me give you a real reason to scream. !#*@(*#&!!!)
Sabar, loon, sabar...rilek one corner eh...Breathe in, Breathe out...There you go....
Okie dokie. I'm cheery now.
I feel like doing a list. Tapi, list apa eh? Shopping list? Merbahaya... Apa eh?
Ok, while figuring out lists...I got "tango" wafers. Why tango? Because I don't like waltzing. I don't like cha-cha. I don't like salsa. I don't like - eh, wait a minute...I just don't like dancing. I don't like tango either for that matter. Oh well.
I did something stoopid again. Actually, it's so stoopid that I forgot what I did. I forget the stupid things I do so that I can always remember how smart I am. Delusional? I know lah but what to do? Must stay sane, right?
Anyway, kiddos took it better than expected. But then again, they're also delusional. Hehehe...world's just freaking full of the disillusioned, delusionals and illusions. Eh, eh...I like...The DDI...
Anyway, I still need to take a crap.
One other thing: If someone were to be peeping over a wall, they cd prolly look like -
d..b the beady eyed burglar...
d--b the slitty one...
dvvb the haugthy one...
doob the eye rolling one who's about to faint or get possessed...
That was fun. BYE!
Sabar, loon, sabar...rilek one corner eh...Breathe in, Breathe out...There you go....
Okie dokie. I'm cheery now.
I feel like doing a list. Tapi, list apa eh? Shopping list? Merbahaya... Apa eh?
Ok, while figuring out lists...I got "tango" wafers. Why tango? Because I don't like waltzing. I don't like cha-cha. I don't like salsa. I don't like - eh, wait a minute...I just don't like dancing. I don't like tango either for that matter. Oh well.
I did something stoopid again. Actually, it's so stoopid that I forgot what I did. I forget the stupid things I do so that I can always remember how smart I am. Delusional? I know lah but what to do? Must stay sane, right?
Anyway, kiddos took it better than expected. But then again, they're also delusional. Hehehe...world's just freaking full of the disillusioned, delusionals and illusions. Eh, eh...I like...The DDI...
Anyway, I still need to take a crap.
One other thing: If someone were to be peeping over a wall, they cd prolly look like -
d..b the beady eyed burglar...
d--b the slitty one...
dvvb the haugthy one...
doob the eye rolling one who's about to faint or get possessed...
That was fun. BYE!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
make it a quarter
In several hours, I will officially be on my way to thirty. No more rounding down. No such thing. It's all up, up and away...
Seram seh.
Pejam celik, pejam celik, daaaahhh besar si budak tu...tak lama lagik, daaaaaaahhhh kahwin - typical, makcikfied response to any aging process of "the young ones".
Frankly, it's quite unnerving to note that I have well, and truly been forced to grow up. There is no such thing as pretending to be a teenager anymore. I'm grown up and it's freakishly scary.
Kinda makes u go back in time....so let's rewind now, shall we?
I remember my first memory: A freakishly cold bath. I think I had measles so some folks gave me an ice bath. So cold.
I remember wafer biscuits: Mum gave it to fren and I took it from him coz I was a brat. I got scolding. :O(
I remember ramadhan: Hehehe...curi kuih....
I remember guitar: "Lagu tiga kupang...saku penuh padi..." - Malay version of "Sing a song of sixpence"....it sounded cooler too...
I remember red-indian-ballerina: first drawing my pal taught me
I remember recorder: I sucked. Initially. :OP
I remember cartoons, toys and everything else: "I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys 'r' us kid"
I remember hopscotch, dog and bone and midnight sports: Aunt got super mad coz of chalky hopscotch and we got into trouble. Oops.
I remember syrup out of the window: "MOMMY! SOMEONE SPILLED SYRUP ON MY SHIRT! (downstairs neighbour)"...Erm...Did I do that?
I remember cats: Comel, Baby Candice, Mr Brown and Combi....
And dogs: "the yelping neighbour", the three legged Diamond, the gila-make-me-climb-monkey-bar one (that would never have happened had it not been for the dog) and how can i forget? the non-existent one that caused my bike to do a flip.
I also remember tears: Parents fought, Sis got into trouble, Bro and his temper...
And fears: PSLE, O-levels, A-levels, exams, stage fright, lost watch, religious teacher with cane, hospitals...
I remember guilt: Broke the vase, cut own hair etc.
I remember laughter: Asia Bagus the kiddy version, the cookie thing, karaoke after ngaji (don't ask) etc.
I remember death: Aunt, Uncle, friends...
I guess, there are millions of memories more to go...I've only just about scratched the surface of my childhood memories...Don't get me started on teenhood....That's just bizarre...
Things have really changed. Yet, I don't think I've really changed all that much at all. Funny.
BYE!
Seram seh.
Pejam celik, pejam celik, daaaahhh besar si budak tu...tak lama lagik, daaaaaaahhhh kahwin - typical, makcikfied response to any aging process of "the young ones".
Frankly, it's quite unnerving to note that I have well, and truly been forced to grow up. There is no such thing as pretending to be a teenager anymore. I'm grown up and it's freakishly scary.
Kinda makes u go back in time....so let's rewind now, shall we?
I remember my first memory: A freakishly cold bath. I think I had measles so some folks gave me an ice bath. So cold.
I remember wafer biscuits: Mum gave it to fren and I took it from him coz I was a brat. I got scolding. :O(
I remember ramadhan: Hehehe...curi kuih....
I remember guitar: "Lagu tiga kupang...saku penuh padi..." - Malay version of "Sing a song of sixpence"....it sounded cooler too...
I remember red-indian-ballerina: first drawing my pal taught me
I remember recorder: I sucked. Initially. :OP
I remember cartoons, toys and everything else: "I don't want to grow up, I'm a toys 'r' us kid"
I remember hopscotch, dog and bone and midnight sports: Aunt got super mad coz of chalky hopscotch and we got into trouble. Oops.
I remember syrup out of the window: "MOMMY! SOMEONE SPILLED SYRUP ON MY SHIRT! (downstairs neighbour)"...Erm...Did I do that?
I remember cats: Comel, Baby Candice, Mr Brown and Combi....
And dogs: "the yelping neighbour", the three legged Diamond, the gila-make-me-climb-monkey-bar one (that would never have happened had it not been for the dog) and how can i forget? the non-existent one that caused my bike to do a flip.
I also remember tears: Parents fought, Sis got into trouble, Bro and his temper...
And fears: PSLE, O-levels, A-levels, exams, stage fright, lost watch, religious teacher with cane, hospitals...
I remember guilt: Broke the vase, cut own hair etc.
I remember laughter: Asia Bagus the kiddy version, the cookie thing, karaoke after ngaji (don't ask) etc.
I remember death: Aunt, Uncle, friends...
I guess, there are millions of memories more to go...I've only just about scratched the surface of my childhood memories...Don't get me started on teenhood....That's just bizarre...
Things have really changed. Yet, I don't think I've really changed all that much at all. Funny.
BYE!
Cut-Loose
Sometimes, you just got to cut them loose.
I still believe everything's going to be for the best. I believe so.
Gosh...I dread tomorrow.
I still believe everything's going to be for the best. I believe so.
Gosh...I dread tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Run, Forrest, Run
Felt horrible at the end of yesterday.
There's just something really wrong with the system. What are we trying to do? What is our job? Do we consider the child's future or our own performance at the end of it all? Is that what it has come to? It's sick. I'm sick of it.
"Teaching is a noble profession." Whatever, man, whatever.
My heart's not in it anymore. Correction, do I have one left? Hmmmm....
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get.
There's just something really wrong with the system. What are we trying to do? What is our job? Do we consider the child's future or our own performance at the end of it all? Is that what it has come to? It's sick. I'm sick of it.
"Teaching is a noble profession." Whatever, man, whatever.
My heart's not in it anymore. Correction, do I have one left? Hmmmm....
Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Unbearable Lightness of Being (in Geylang)
Today...full, full day...Did many, many things...
Had my class, fingers pain..fish head curry, he's really kaypoh...never mind...
Oooh, visited a friend who gave birth. So cute the little thing...I like her...Hence, managed to catch up with long-lost buddies, I MISSED THEM!! Went over to fren's place for asar...realized that we lead freakishly similar lives albeit in totally contrasting ways...It's hard to explain but we keep doing things as if we planned it together but we actually make such decisions separately...We'd do it in different ways but somehow our paths will cross and we realize we're doing the same thing...It's just freaky, but in a good way...Hehehe..
Afterwhich, managed to get my qiji popiah for buka plus some weirdo fries from NY Pizza - Pedas gilerr....Should have come with a warning label....Erm, somehow, we figured that it'd be a brilliant idea to go to Geylang since it's not quite last ten days yet so still got time lah...Masih tak serik-serik...
Last year, we went Geylang, we wound up complaining about why we stepped into the place to begin with. Previous year, same thing. Previous, previous year, ditto. And that goes for all other previous years. This year, cripes...I cannot tahan the place...No wonder I told myself not to step into Geylang bazaar last year. It makes a lot of sense. Sheesh, those fries pushed every ounce of logic I may have had left out of my brain...Stooopid idea. Anyway, cannot tahan the place lah. Too crowded. Too noisy. Too everything. But, thankfully, my friends were there and if anything, I guess the whole experience was worth the while because we got to spend time with each other. I do miss them.
Sigh...remind me not to go Geylang again, ok?
(PS. I got new watch....It has been like what? 5 years since my last one? Hehehe...I like it...hehehe...)
Had my class, fingers pain..fish head curry, he's really kaypoh...never mind...
Oooh, visited a friend who gave birth. So cute the little thing...I like her...Hence, managed to catch up with long-lost buddies, I MISSED THEM!! Went over to fren's place for asar...realized that we lead freakishly similar lives albeit in totally contrasting ways...It's hard to explain but we keep doing things as if we planned it together but we actually make such decisions separately...We'd do it in different ways but somehow our paths will cross and we realize we're doing the same thing...It's just freaky, but in a good way...Hehehe..
Afterwhich, managed to get my qiji popiah for buka plus some weirdo fries from NY Pizza - Pedas gilerr....Should have come with a warning label....Erm, somehow, we figured that it'd be a brilliant idea to go to Geylang since it's not quite last ten days yet so still got time lah...Masih tak serik-serik...
Last year, we went Geylang, we wound up complaining about why we stepped into the place to begin with. Previous year, same thing. Previous, previous year, ditto. And that goes for all other previous years. This year, cripes...I cannot tahan the place...No wonder I told myself not to step into Geylang bazaar last year. It makes a lot of sense. Sheesh, those fries pushed every ounce of logic I may have had left out of my brain...Stooopid idea. Anyway, cannot tahan the place lah. Too crowded. Too noisy. Too everything. But, thankfully, my friends were there and if anything, I guess the whole experience was worth the while because we got to spend time with each other. I do miss them.
Sigh...remind me not to go Geylang again, ok?
(PS. I got new watch....It has been like what? 5 years since my last one? Hehehe...I like it...hehehe...)
Saturday, October 14, 2006
bittersweet symphony
I am not going to like the coming tuesday very much. I will not enjoy the 17th of October. In fact, I'm probably going to hate the 19th even more. Heck, even the 18th's going to feel rather horrible. That would mean that I'm going to have a very sad turning-a-quarter-century day.
I never realized I could potentially have that much impact on a person's life. It's like having power over someone. As much as it may sound "super-cool", I just feel rather fearful and I wish I didn't have it. I feel like a coward and you know what? I guess I am. It has made me realize the errors of what I do and the pending consequences of my actions. I hate this. I don't mind bearing the brunt of my mistakes but I would never wish another to do so. It's just unfair.
No sorries will work. No regrets are worth the while.
I will not know how to face them on wednesday. I'm ecstatic for most because they have achieved what they sought to do. I'm worried - Worried to the depths of my being about the others. I love them dearly and this is not the way I want to see or let them go.
At this point, I'm simply taking comfort in the knowledge that Allah knows best. It is He who has gotten it all figured out. I just got to trust that. Allah knows best hence, no matter what happens, it will be for the best. Insya Allah.
Take care, dearies. Whatever happens, it will be for the best. Trust that.
Gosh, I am getting rather emo these days...aren't I?
I never realized I could potentially have that much impact on a person's life. It's like having power over someone. As much as it may sound "super-cool", I just feel rather fearful and I wish I didn't have it. I feel like a coward and you know what? I guess I am. It has made me realize the errors of what I do and the pending consequences of my actions. I hate this. I don't mind bearing the brunt of my mistakes but I would never wish another to do so. It's just unfair.
No sorries will work. No regrets are worth the while.
I will not know how to face them on wednesday. I'm ecstatic for most because they have achieved what they sought to do. I'm worried - Worried to the depths of my being about the others. I love them dearly and this is not the way I want to see or let them go.
At this point, I'm simply taking comfort in the knowledge that Allah knows best. It is He who has gotten it all figured out. I just got to trust that. Allah knows best hence, no matter what happens, it will be for the best. Insya Allah.
Take care, dearies. Whatever happens, it will be for the best. Trust that.
Gosh, I am getting rather emo these days...aren't I?
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
I had a good bad day. Or should I say bad good day? I don't know. Anyway, I'm just forgetting about the bad and concentrating on the good...
Kiddos were sweet. 'Nuff said.
Anyway, moving on to something that has bugged me for a while...
Suria Raya Carnival. WHAT THE )@*#$)*$*@#()*#@)*#!!!!??@@!!
I'm sorry lah but there's just something wrong about performances during the nites of ramadhan. And they're upping it during the last ten days or so? To get into the mooood....Wa tak bleh angkat....
And the blardy commercial for the thing?! "Mengeratkan hubungan antara anak dan bapa?!" Flying Fish Fingers...Never mind. Mebbe it does work. I dunno. Whatever it is, it feels rather wrong. Is this the Singapore Malay-Muslim that we are to be?
toodles.
Kiddos were sweet. 'Nuff said.
Anyway, moving on to something that has bugged me for a while...
Suria Raya Carnival. WHAT THE )@*#$)*$*@#()*#@)*#!!!!??@@!!
I'm sorry lah but there's just something wrong about performances during the nites of ramadhan. And they're upping it during the last ten days or so? To get into the mooood....Wa tak bleh angkat....
And the blardy commercial for the thing?! "Mengeratkan hubungan antara anak dan bapa?!" Flying Fish Fingers...Never mind. Mebbe it does work. I dunno. Whatever it is, it feels rather wrong. Is this the Singapore Malay-Muslim that we are to be?
toodles.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
heart-to-heart
I do not wear my heart on my sleeve.
I'm not one of those who express my feelings very well. In fact, I'm one of those crackpots who wind up being perceived as being rather indifferent and altogether - bo-chap. I mean, you can't blame them considering that my parting shot to a sibling who was going off amidst bucketloads of tears was "good riddance coz i got your room." (or something to that effect. it got me into a teeny weeny bit of trouble...hehehe...)
Anyway, it's really not that I don't care. It's just that I choose not to show it.
Ok, I've not gone bizarre. (hmmm....) It's just that I gave them kiddos something today which kinda surprised them to a certain extent. Hehehe...life is so full of surprises...anyhow, I can't help thinking about how these kiddos' feelings towards me are so bloody different from another set of kiddos. But then again, these kiddos started out hating me. To the core. Hehehe...funny...I really don't know whether it's me who got used to them or is it actually the other way round?
Anyhow, let me just get to the point lah...since I'm quite safely anonymous here so the kiddos can't read this, here goes -
"My dear darling kiddos, I'm gonna miss you BIG TIME. I wish I had been better at my job. To be honest, I think I must have screwed up like a lot a lot of times...I'm sure you've seen it and you know it. I could not have asked for a better bunch of kiddos and I'm so darn thankful I got you. I do love you very, very much and I care about you from the bottom of my nonsensically beaten heart. I honestly hope you find your own happiness in life and I cannot begin to thank you for giving me the chance to learn. You have been more than what a tutor can be. If anything, you are the wind beneath my wings. Things will be so strange when you're gone and I'm going to miss you even more when the full impact of your absence hits me.
'I guess there's only one problem left,' (King Triton)
'What is that, Your Majesty?' (Sebastian)
'How much I'm going to miss her(them).' (King Triton)
I got to let you go some time, right? Take care."
Sheesh...emo siak....
I'm not one of those who express my feelings very well. In fact, I'm one of those crackpots who wind up being perceived as being rather indifferent and altogether - bo-chap. I mean, you can't blame them considering that my parting shot to a sibling who was going off amidst bucketloads of tears was "good riddance coz i got your room." (or something to that effect. it got me into a teeny weeny bit of trouble...hehehe...)
Anyway, it's really not that I don't care. It's just that I choose not to show it.
Ok, I've not gone bizarre. (hmmm....) It's just that I gave them kiddos something today which kinda surprised them to a certain extent. Hehehe...life is so full of surprises...anyhow, I can't help thinking about how these kiddos' feelings towards me are so bloody different from another set of kiddos. But then again, these kiddos started out hating me. To the core. Hehehe...funny...I really don't know whether it's me who got used to them or is it actually the other way round?
Anyhow, let me just get to the point lah...since I'm quite safely anonymous here so the kiddos can't read this, here goes -
"My dear darling kiddos, I'm gonna miss you BIG TIME. I wish I had been better at my job. To be honest, I think I must have screwed up like a lot a lot of times...I'm sure you've seen it and you know it. I could not have asked for a better bunch of kiddos and I'm so darn thankful I got you. I do love you very, very much and I care about you from the bottom of my nonsensically beaten heart. I honestly hope you find your own happiness in life and I cannot begin to thank you for giving me the chance to learn. You have been more than what a tutor can be. If anything, you are the wind beneath my wings. Things will be so strange when you're gone and I'm going to miss you even more when the full impact of your absence hits me.
'I guess there's only one problem left,' (King Triton)
'What is that, Your Majesty?' (Sebastian)
'How much I'm going to miss her(them).' (King Triton)
I got to let you go some time, right? Take care."
Sheesh...emo siak....
Holier-Than-Thou
Hmmm...I heard FD happily announcing that India has banned children from being used as labour in homes...Or something to that effect. He even said that "that's good news for the children in India." Ok. Erm, I get it. I love kids and I hate seeing how they're and have been mistreated. It's sad and the thing is most troubled adults become so because of troubled childhood periods. However, I can't help thinking, is it really good news?
I mean, I know that the kids need to be protected by law against such practices but ever considered the fact that by not allowing them to do so, it would mean that the family would be cut off from a source of their income. I'm pretty certain the kids are not domestic helpers by choice. That would mean that they kinda need the income, don't they? Now, when we deprive them of that income, what will they do? Seriously, I hope that besides simply putting the ban in place, the authorities would find a way to help these children and their family find alternative forms of income. Otherwise, the situation will simply worsen whereby kids do it on the sly, which makes them even more prone to being abused by those who "hired" them. What may be worse is that these kids might find themselves pushed into the criminal world(God forbid!). So, are we really helping them?
I can't help thinking that we, in our "developed" countries think of situations from our own perspectives without taking into consideration the needs of others. It's the White Man's Burden all over again. It's just that it's no longer just the ang-moh.
It kinda hurts to know kids are being abused as such but I think it's more than just a problem of the kids. It's a societal problem. It's the poverty cycle that needs to be broken. Honestly, I don't know what to do either. I hope the ban's not just a way of shutting detractors up but a genuine attempt to help and I honestly hope it would really, really help.
I really do.
I mean, I know that the kids need to be protected by law against such practices but ever considered the fact that by not allowing them to do so, it would mean that the family would be cut off from a source of their income. I'm pretty certain the kids are not domestic helpers by choice. That would mean that they kinda need the income, don't they? Now, when we deprive them of that income, what will they do? Seriously, I hope that besides simply putting the ban in place, the authorities would find a way to help these children and their family find alternative forms of income. Otherwise, the situation will simply worsen whereby kids do it on the sly, which makes them even more prone to being abused by those who "hired" them. What may be worse is that these kids might find themselves pushed into the criminal world(God forbid!). So, are we really helping them?
I can't help thinking that we, in our "developed" countries think of situations from our own perspectives without taking into consideration the needs of others. It's the White Man's Burden all over again. It's just that it's no longer just the ang-moh.
It kinda hurts to know kids are being abused as such but I think it's more than just a problem of the kids. It's a societal problem. It's the poverty cycle that needs to be broken. Honestly, I don't know what to do either. I hope the ban's not just a way of shutting detractors up but a genuine attempt to help and I honestly hope it would really, really help.
I really do.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Lambat Setapak (Make that a few tapaks)
Do you get the feeling that you're a teensy weensy bit behind time at times? Make that most times. Screw that. Make that, erm...like waaayyy behind time, like all the time? Hmmm...
Honestly, I feel that way. Don't get me wrong. I'm contented with whatever life has presented to me. I have been blessed in too many ways to feel unhappy or disgruntled. It's just that I feel as though I'm kinda left behind...
Ok, this is going to sound so pukingly pathetic but here goes nothing:
My folks...they kinda got me pretty late...Like a decade after my other sibling(s) which meant that they grew up a lot earlier than I did. I was perpetually trying to "catch up" with them but heck, it just doesn't quite work that way. Even now, when I'm supposed to be an adult, just like them, I feel that the gap between us has grown so much. I love them very much and I have no doubt that they feel the same way about me however, there's a gap there that's just so hard to fill...
Among friends, I've always been the "last-to-most-things"....yeah, I get it...I'm s-l-o-w but just shut up and hear me out (or rather, read me out?) Ok, I get it, partly it's due to my bloody antisocialness as a kid. Come on, I just don't do the let's play catching downstairs thing...I hate catching. I hate police and thief. I hate hide-and-seek. Hence, I chose not to participate in most of such activities. Give me scrabble, any day of the week and I'd beat the hell out of you. (either that or I will cry and wail and you'd have to give in to me anyway. so there.) Anyway, ok, fine...guess that would explain part of the reason why I'm a little behind time but hey...I did a lot of catching up already ok...Like even though it took me almost a quarter of a century to put on a skirt, I DID!! SO THERE!!!
Anyway, I'm obviously digressing...My point is, no matter how much I try to keep up with things, I just kinda flounder and it's getting ridiculous. To be honest, I don't really want to "keep up" anymore. I just want to rilek-one-korner...but somehow this place is not allowing me to sit on my bum...I really need to get away, you know? Never mind..
Ok, mindless rambling finito.
Game over.
Honestly, I feel that way. Don't get me wrong. I'm contented with whatever life has presented to me. I have been blessed in too many ways to feel unhappy or disgruntled. It's just that I feel as though I'm kinda left behind...
Ok, this is going to sound so pukingly pathetic but here goes nothing:
My folks...they kinda got me pretty late...Like a decade after my other sibling(s) which meant that they grew up a lot earlier than I did. I was perpetually trying to "catch up" with them but heck, it just doesn't quite work that way. Even now, when I'm supposed to be an adult, just like them, I feel that the gap between us has grown so much. I love them very much and I have no doubt that they feel the same way about me however, there's a gap there that's just so hard to fill...
Among friends, I've always been the "last-to-most-things"....yeah, I get it...I'm s-l-o-w but just shut up and hear me out (or rather, read me out?) Ok, I get it, partly it's due to my bloody antisocialness as a kid. Come on, I just don't do the let's play catching downstairs thing...I hate catching. I hate police and thief. I hate hide-and-seek. Hence, I chose not to participate in most of such activities. Give me scrabble, any day of the week and I'd beat the hell out of you. (either that or I will cry and wail and you'd have to give in to me anyway. so there.) Anyway, ok, fine...guess that would explain part of the reason why I'm a little behind time but hey...I did a lot of catching up already ok...Like even though it took me almost a quarter of a century to put on a skirt, I DID!! SO THERE!!!
Anyway, I'm obviously digressing...My point is, no matter how much I try to keep up with things, I just kinda flounder and it's getting ridiculous. To be honest, I don't really want to "keep up" anymore. I just want to rilek-one-korner...but somehow this place is not allowing me to sit on my bum...I really need to get away, you know? Never mind..
Ok, mindless rambling finito.
Game over.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Scaredy Cat
I like cats. Actually, I like dogs too just that the whole touching them's a little bit of a problem but anyhow, I do like the furry things..
Anyway, here's a clip I got off youtube...So damn bloody cute...
Anyway, here's a clip I got off youtube...So damn bloody cute...
Beautiful Sunday
My, my, my beautiful Sunday....
This is my, my, my beautiful day...
When you say, say, say, say that you love me...
Oh~ my, my, my, it's a beautiful day...
GOOD MORNING, CYBERWORLD!!!
Ok lah..not quite early in the morning...but GOOD MORNING!!!
I'm a bit the zoinked at the moment. Had too much sleep, me thinks so everything's a little hazy. (or is that the air conditions?) Anyway, I'm still yawning as I type this. This feels like such a super duper lazy sunday...
Anyway, yesterday's break fasting experience was a little bit more elaborate coz all my little twerps (read: brother's offspring) along with the rest of the family came over. That littlest shortfry's damn cute lah...I want to bite that boy...Sigh, now I'm missing my other, even tinier, shortier little twerp...Oh well...
Anyway, what better way to start the morning than to talk about the fact that I'm super screwed coz I've not finished a whole lot of my work...And the most bizarre part of it all? I don't give a flying fish...(Fasting month, cannot say expletives)..which is ultra weird lah...considering that I'm one of the most super kanchiong, gabra-nak-mampos, highly neurotic and all-in-all just a simple nervous-wreck-next-door....I'm sure that the only way to explain this would be that I'm probably still in denial...Just wait...just you wait when the clock hits the witching hour of midnite...Then, I would be at my normal best. Until then, let me bask in my little dreamworld...
Well, see ya! (Probably, very soon.)
This is my, my, my beautiful day...
When you say, say, say, say that you love me...
Oh~ my, my, my, it's a beautiful day...
GOOD MORNING, CYBERWORLD!!!
Ok lah..not quite early in the morning...but GOOD MORNING!!!
I'm a bit the zoinked at the moment. Had too much sleep, me thinks so everything's a little hazy. (or is that the air conditions?) Anyway, I'm still yawning as I type this. This feels like such a super duper lazy sunday...
Anyway, yesterday's break fasting experience was a little bit more elaborate coz all my little twerps (read: brother's offspring) along with the rest of the family came over. That littlest shortfry's damn cute lah...I want to bite that boy...Sigh, now I'm missing my other, even tinier, shortier little twerp...Oh well...
Anyway, what better way to start the morning than to talk about the fact that I'm super screwed coz I've not finished a whole lot of my work...And the most bizarre part of it all? I don't give a flying fish...(Fasting month, cannot say expletives)..which is ultra weird lah...considering that I'm one of the most super kanchiong, gabra-nak-mampos, highly neurotic and all-in-all just a simple nervous-wreck-next-door....I'm sure that the only way to explain this would be that I'm probably still in denial...Just wait...just you wait when the clock hits the witching hour of midnite...Then, I would be at my normal best. Until then, let me bask in my little dreamworld...
Well, see ya! (Probably, very soon.)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
tee hee
okay. this i gotta share with you before anything else - he's cute. hehehe...
saturdays seem more fun now. ;OP
Ok. Main entry -
Let's see here...I'm crazy about books. Ok, I am crazy about a lot of things but books form quite a major part of my insanity. I kinda like almost anything and everything unless it's really, really boring (surprisingly, dictionaries are NOT boring). Anyway, my point is, there's this author who goes by the name of Harun Yahya. He's got really good books with some amazing information about almost anything...from ancient Mt Vesuvius to the Knights Templar and even an ant...He's got them all. I highly recommend his "Perished Nations". Uber-cool.
The thing is, his writings kinda make me wonder and stand in awe of all that're around me. It's incredibly eye-opening, thought-provoking, humbling and sigh...I can't even attempt to explain myself...It's just...sigh...
I've been reading a lot, as you can tell. It's my way of diverting attention away from work. Some call it a hobby. I just call it a diversion. A nice diversion. Which brings us back to my Saturdays. Yet another nice diversion. ;OP
Adios!
saturdays seem more fun now. ;OP
Ok. Main entry -
Let's see here...I'm crazy about books. Ok, I am crazy about a lot of things but books form quite a major part of my insanity. I kinda like almost anything and everything unless it's really, really boring (surprisingly, dictionaries are NOT boring). Anyway, my point is, there's this author who goes by the name of Harun Yahya. He's got really good books with some amazing information about almost anything...from ancient Mt Vesuvius to the Knights Templar and even an ant...He's got them all. I highly recommend his "Perished Nations". Uber-cool.
The thing is, his writings kinda make me wonder and stand in awe of all that're around me. It's incredibly eye-opening, thought-provoking, humbling and sigh...I can't even attempt to explain myself...It's just...sigh...
I've been reading a lot, as you can tell. It's my way of diverting attention away from work. Some call it a hobby. I just call it a diversion. A nice diversion. Which brings us back to my Saturdays. Yet another nice diversion. ;OP
Adios!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
gee
Well, let's see here...
I don't really have much to write, which translates into...this will be a very long entry...
It seems as though I've been getting one too many job offers. I am not complaining...I mean, it is most definitely a good thing...It's just that it kinda makes me think...Is my unhappiness at this present moment so incredibly evident that folks all around me are able to sense it and thus try to "ease" my situations by offering me jobs?
Actually, what is it that makes me so unhappy anyway?
Truth be told, there are certain times when I realize that part of me just belongs where I am. I love the folks I deal with and I care deeply about most of them. However, as time goes by, I grow increasingly distant and I don't seem to quite care anymore at times and that scares me. My strength used to lie in my ability to relate and communicate with the folks. However, it is becoming increasingly evident that that strength is growing rather wearisome and my true "ability" seem to be the manner through which I execute the material. I have become a professional in that respect. With that, I'm losing those rough edges that helped me to connect with people..I feel rather robotic...
Perhaps, that could be the problem. Needless to say, I'm quite emo lah...Don't get me wrong. I'm not the cry-me-a-river kind...I just need to feel when I do things...It's like when I write or read or whatever, I need to feel what I do...I loved my job because I used to feel a lot for it...Nowadays, I'm just so exhausted that the only feeling I have is weariness. I'm becoming desensitized and that scares me, though some think that that's actually a positive development...Aargghhh...
Another part of me just feels overused. I feel trapped. It feels as if I've been walled into a tiny corner with no way in or out. It's so infuriating and I..I just don't quite know how to explain it...
Perhaps, it's not just the job. Perhaps, it's also about me finding me. I don't quite know where I'm headed at the moment. I just feel myself being forced to ride the waves...I'm trying to figure things out but before I can, I wind up drowning...It keeps happening over and over again...I need something...I don't know what it is but there is something that's missing here...I feel as if I'm on the verge of finding something but I've still yet to grasp it. Perhaps, I'm not ready enough and thus I've not found it yet...but...I honestly don't know how or what exactly am I preparing for??? Am I supposed to be preparing for something anyway???
I don't know...I just don't know.
Anyway, I walked down Orchard Road today. I "missed" my bus stop. Honestly, I don't like O.R. I think it's just too crowded but heck...Come to think of it, I don't like most places. I like being the bookworm and I miss being one. Oh well.
Anyway, take care.
I don't really have much to write, which translates into...this will be a very long entry...
It seems as though I've been getting one too many job offers. I am not complaining...I mean, it is most definitely a good thing...It's just that it kinda makes me think...Is my unhappiness at this present moment so incredibly evident that folks all around me are able to sense it and thus try to "ease" my situations by offering me jobs?
Actually, what is it that makes me so unhappy anyway?
Truth be told, there are certain times when I realize that part of me just belongs where I am. I love the folks I deal with and I care deeply about most of them. However, as time goes by, I grow increasingly distant and I don't seem to quite care anymore at times and that scares me. My strength used to lie in my ability to relate and communicate with the folks. However, it is becoming increasingly evident that that strength is growing rather wearisome and my true "ability" seem to be the manner through which I execute the material. I have become a professional in that respect. With that, I'm losing those rough edges that helped me to connect with people..I feel rather robotic...
Perhaps, that could be the problem. Needless to say, I'm quite emo lah...Don't get me wrong. I'm not the cry-me-a-river kind...I just need to feel when I do things...It's like when I write or read or whatever, I need to feel what I do...I loved my job because I used to feel a lot for it...Nowadays, I'm just so exhausted that the only feeling I have is weariness. I'm becoming desensitized and that scares me, though some think that that's actually a positive development...Aargghhh...
Another part of me just feels overused. I feel trapped. It feels as if I've been walled into a tiny corner with no way in or out. It's so infuriating and I..I just don't quite know how to explain it...
Perhaps, it's not just the job. Perhaps, it's also about me finding me. I don't quite know where I'm headed at the moment. I just feel myself being forced to ride the waves...I'm trying to figure things out but before I can, I wind up drowning...It keeps happening over and over again...I need something...I don't know what it is but there is something that's missing here...I feel as if I'm on the verge of finding something but I've still yet to grasp it. Perhaps, I'm not ready enough and thus I've not found it yet...but...I honestly don't know how or what exactly am I preparing for??? Am I supposed to be preparing for something anyway???
I don't know...I just don't know.
Anyway, I walked down Orchard Road today. I "missed" my bus stop. Honestly, I don't like O.R. I think it's just too crowded but heck...Come to think of it, I don't like most places. I like being the bookworm and I miss being one. Oh well.
Anyway, take care.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Part of MY world
WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mermaid's back!Mermaid's back!Mermaid's back!Mermaid's back!Mermaid's back!
Okok...erm...ehem...My favourite disney cartoon of all time has been released!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOPIEEEE!!!!!!
Here's a trailer to help you recall those good old days....
for the low bandwidth folks aka normal people...
Add the The Little Mermaid trailer to your site at http://www.LittleMermaidDVD.com
for the snotty high bandwidth folks...
Add the The Little Mermaid trailer to your site at http://www.LittleMermaidDVD.com
Mermaid's back!Mermaid's back!Mermaid's back!Mermaid's back!Mermaid's back!
Okok...erm...ehem...My favourite disney cartoon of all time has been released!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOPIEEEE!!!!!!
Here's a trailer to help you recall those good old days....
for the low bandwidth folks aka normal people...
Add the The Little Mermaid trailer to your site at http://www.LittleMermaidDVD.com
for the snotty high bandwidth folks...
Add the The Little Mermaid trailer to your site at http://www.LittleMermaidDVD.com
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Humour
Sementara tunggu waktu berbuka, aku buang tebiat sikit eh....
To all lovelorn male fans of Siti, I'm sure you share the songwriter's feelings...my deepest sympathies to all of you...
For the other non-Siti fans, perhaps a little bit of Homer might help?
Selamat Berbuka!
To all lovelorn male fans of Siti, I'm sure you share the songwriter's feelings...my deepest sympathies to all of you...
For the other non-Siti fans, perhaps a little bit of Homer might help?
Selamat Berbuka!
Monday, October 02, 2006
Nostalgia
Aku tengah feeling feeling nostalgia...
Anyhow, just feel like posting a couple of songs I used to love waaaayyyy back when I was a kid...Too bad I can't find the Paddle Pop song or the Toys R Us commercial song...
Kermit and his Rainbow Connection...
(So sweet the song...also reminds me of a not-so-long ago time in an idyllic little village which was almost by the sea...)
Ernie & the Moon!!!!
I LOVE ERNIE!!!!! I am about as annoying as Ernie. Everyone around me turns into a Bert at one time or another...
Dah tuek masih tak sadar diri...ish ish ish...
Anyhow, just feel like posting a couple of songs I used to love waaaayyyy back when I was a kid...Too bad I can't find the Paddle Pop song or the Toys R Us commercial song...
Kermit and his Rainbow Connection...
(So sweet the song...also reminds me of a not-so-long ago time in an idyllic little village which was almost by the sea...)
Ernie & the Moon!!!!
I LOVE ERNIE!!!!! I am about as annoying as Ernie. Everyone around me turns into a Bert at one time or another...
Dah tuek masih tak sadar diri...ish ish ish...
Mistaken Identity
Ok. Get this straight, here and now. I am, a true-blue Asian in every sense of the word. There is no African blood in me whatsoever. Not Nigeria. Not Ghana. Not Somalia. Not even South Africa (where the Malays are supposed to band together happily). I am very much, according to my Identity Card - MALAY. Whether I feel I am one or not does not matter. The state recognizes me as Malay. I enjoy the "perks" of being Malay (eg. school fees no have...can be part of Mendaki...BIG privilege, ok? don't play play)...Whatever lah..bottom line is...just because you can't figure out my ethnic background, don't assume that I must be alien to the country. I am Singaporean. I am Asian. I am Malay.
In case you're wondering why I suddenly went a little ballistic, I had a weirdo experience. Some dude tried to chat me up using my rather confused features as a starting point to the "conversation". Now, there are a few things that were wrong with the situation. Let me explain.
1. I am sick and tired of trying to explain my mixed up background. Especially when it comes to total strangers whom I have absolutely no interest in talking to whatsoever.
2. I was marking. I was doing work. It's not often that I do work. So when I'm doing it, that means that I'm both desperate as well as extraordinarily hardworking for the day. Now, that day doesn't come often so I got to SEIZE EVERY MOMENT! Thanks to your brainless chatter, I lost those precious moments. (Digress...Do you have any idea how friggin expensive those precious moments stuff are????)
3. I am anti-social. I am, to a certain extent, androphobic. I do not talk to male strangers. I do not like them very much. Hell, I don't even like those I know much, what more stranger folks trying to make conversation at a bus stop.
4. Never ask a girl for her age.
5. If you're dumb enough to have overlooked Point No. 4, don't push the girl for it if she's obviously hesitant. When a girl says something like, "I'm really old," when in fact she sure as hell doesn't look it (though she might feel it), she's either a Dr Woffles Wu's number 2 patient (after Dick Lee) or she's telling you to shut up and back off. I can assure you that the closest thing to a Woffles I know would be waffles, and I don't like them much.
5. I only smile and speak to FEMALES and known folks like colleagues, friends etc. The most I would say to a friggin non-female would be sorry, coz perhaps I poked his fats with my stuff as I scramble up buses.
Actually, there were several other things that bugged me but I'm just too lazy to type them all out.
Funny enough, as I'm writing this, another thought has entered my brain (yes, I do have one.) - that whole I am a Malay thing. Hmm...the identity...I realize something...as much as I say that I am Malay, others seem to think otherwise. My Malay side of the family thinks I'm not Malay enough...they actually giggle when they realize I listen to Indonesian bands (I have no idea what the humour's about either)...My ML teacher friends insist that I'm not Malay enough either because I'm not as conversant in the language and as much as I enjoy some Malay songs, I kinda draw the line when it comes to those Search and Iklim stuff...I'm so sorry but guys in leather tights will probably never appeal to me. In the same breath, my not-so-Malay but actually Malay-in-denial friends think that I'm too Malay because I don't do the whole club circuit thing...others, who pride themselves on their mixed blood status thinks that I'm not "mixed" enough because I actually accept my "Malay-ness"...
Frig. Who are you to say whether I am enough Malay or not enough Malay. Honestly, what does being Malay mean to you? It really depends on which extreme of the Malay world you're part of. Should you be part of the Malay-Muslim contingent..not wearing the tudung marks you as a "kom-pem" un-Malay. You're looked upon like some kinda pariah by some folks (not all, mind you) and your identity as a Malay-Muslim is questioned. If you belong to the other extreme, not relaking-one-korner at some hip, new club and smoking sheesha marks you as being "conservative" and you're most definitely booted out of the Minah gang. Then you find yourself kinda stuck. Which is how I feel most of the time. Me, not looking particularly Malay at all times, kinda makes things worse.
Honestly, so what if I'm Malay or I'm not? Am I not human? Don't I laugh, smile, cry pretty much like every other human being? I feel just as others feel. I think. I speak. I listen. I am just an ordinary person living my own ordinary life pretty much the way you are. Living in multi-multi Singapore makes it easy AND difficult to be different. The easy bit is that society kinda recognizes the existence of different groups etc. The difficult bit comes about when you don't quite fit into any of the "established" groups. What then?
I would love to say, it doesn't matter. Race doesn't matter. In fact, 5 years back, I would have proclaimed it quite proudly. However, the truth is, it does. Having an identity matters whether we want to or not because identity isn't just about who we want to be but part of it is also about whether others are willing to accept us. Egotistically speaking, it's easy to say so what? I don't need to care about people who care not about me. However, no man is an island. We are all part of one group or another, intentionally or unintentionally.
I've thus come to realize - who you are matters. How others perceive you, matters. How you perceive others, matters. But above all us, it's how you perceive yourself above and beyond others' perceptions that matters most. For as long as you know who you are and where you stand, it doesn't quite matter if others see you as part of them or not because if you know exactly who you are, it will just be a matter of time before your identity is clear to one and all. Henceforth, you'd probably be accepted as the individual that you are with all your eccentricities and interestingly enough, identities will just evolve - yours and others such that you might probably become part of those whom you may have perceived as being different from yourself and vice versa.
Hmmm...I was rambling now, wasn't I? Honestly, if I were to re-read what I wrote, I probably won't understand what I'm trying to say either.
Oh well.
In case you're wondering why I suddenly went a little ballistic, I had a weirdo experience. Some dude tried to chat me up using my rather confused features as a starting point to the "conversation". Now, there are a few things that were wrong with the situation. Let me explain.
1. I am sick and tired of trying to explain my mixed up background. Especially when it comes to total strangers whom I have absolutely no interest in talking to whatsoever.
2. I was marking. I was doing work. It's not often that I do work. So when I'm doing it, that means that I'm both desperate as well as extraordinarily hardworking for the day. Now, that day doesn't come often so I got to SEIZE EVERY MOMENT! Thanks to your brainless chatter, I lost those precious moments. (Digress...Do you have any idea how friggin expensive those precious moments stuff are????)
3. I am anti-social. I am, to a certain extent, androphobic. I do not talk to male strangers. I do not like them very much. Hell, I don't even like those I know much, what more stranger folks trying to make conversation at a bus stop.
4. Never ask a girl for her age.
5. If you're dumb enough to have overlooked Point No. 4, don't push the girl for it if she's obviously hesitant. When a girl says something like, "I'm really old," when in fact she sure as hell doesn't look it (though she might feel it), she's either a Dr Woffles Wu's number 2 patient (after Dick Lee) or she's telling you to shut up and back off. I can assure you that the closest thing to a Woffles I know would be waffles, and I don't like them much.
5. I only smile and speak to FEMALES and known folks like colleagues, friends etc. The most I would say to a friggin non-female would be sorry, coz perhaps I poked his fats with my stuff as I scramble up buses.
Actually, there were several other things that bugged me but I'm just too lazy to type them all out.
Funny enough, as I'm writing this, another thought has entered my brain (yes, I do have one.) - that whole I am a Malay thing. Hmm...the identity...I realize something...as much as I say that I am Malay, others seem to think otherwise. My Malay side of the family thinks I'm not Malay enough...they actually giggle when they realize I listen to Indonesian bands (I have no idea what the humour's about either)...My ML teacher friends insist that I'm not Malay enough either because I'm not as conversant in the language and as much as I enjoy some Malay songs, I kinda draw the line when it comes to those Search and Iklim stuff...I'm so sorry but guys in leather tights will probably never appeal to me. In the same breath, my not-so-Malay but actually Malay-in-denial friends think that I'm too Malay because I don't do the whole club circuit thing...others, who pride themselves on their mixed blood status thinks that I'm not "mixed" enough because I actually accept my "Malay-ness"...
Frig. Who are you to say whether I am enough Malay or not enough Malay. Honestly, what does being Malay mean to you? It really depends on which extreme of the Malay world you're part of. Should you be part of the Malay-Muslim contingent..not wearing the tudung marks you as a "kom-pem" un-Malay. You're looked upon like some kinda pariah by some folks (not all, mind you) and your identity as a Malay-Muslim is questioned. If you belong to the other extreme, not relaking-one-korner at some hip, new club and smoking sheesha marks you as being "conservative" and you're most definitely booted out of the Minah gang. Then you find yourself kinda stuck. Which is how I feel most of the time. Me, not looking particularly Malay at all times, kinda makes things worse.
Honestly, so what if I'm Malay or I'm not? Am I not human? Don't I laugh, smile, cry pretty much like every other human being? I feel just as others feel. I think. I speak. I listen. I am just an ordinary person living my own ordinary life pretty much the way you are. Living in multi-multi Singapore makes it easy AND difficult to be different. The easy bit is that society kinda recognizes the existence of different groups etc. The difficult bit comes about when you don't quite fit into any of the "established" groups. What then?
I would love to say, it doesn't matter. Race doesn't matter. In fact, 5 years back, I would have proclaimed it quite proudly. However, the truth is, it does. Having an identity matters whether we want to or not because identity isn't just about who we want to be but part of it is also about whether others are willing to accept us. Egotistically speaking, it's easy to say so what? I don't need to care about people who care not about me. However, no man is an island. We are all part of one group or another, intentionally or unintentionally.
I've thus come to realize - who you are matters. How others perceive you, matters. How you perceive others, matters. But above all us, it's how you perceive yourself above and beyond others' perceptions that matters most. For as long as you know who you are and where you stand, it doesn't quite matter if others see you as part of them or not because if you know exactly who you are, it will just be a matter of time before your identity is clear to one and all. Henceforth, you'd probably be accepted as the individual that you are with all your eccentricities and interestingly enough, identities will just evolve - yours and others such that you might probably become part of those whom you may have perceived as being different from yourself and vice versa.
Hmmm...I was rambling now, wasn't I? Honestly, if I were to re-read what I wrote, I probably won't understand what I'm trying to say either.
Oh well.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Chewing Gum SHOULD NOT be banned!
This is a very compelling reason why chewing gum should be allowed to "return" to Singapore -
The "LURVE" files
Whoopie doo...I'm on a rolll....
Now what is love, I pray thee tell...
How many times can you honestly say you've been in love?
What kinda love are you talking about? If it's material-based, gosh...a zillion times? Like that Nano was such a babe of an MP3 player that I just fell in lurrve - hook, line and sinker. Oh..You mean the people-type?? Ah...Erm..Are my parents counted? Erm...guess not...Ruling out siblings, little nieces/nephews, cuzs, friends, aunties, uncles etc. etc....Erm...BIG FAT ZERO.
Do you believe that everyone has a soulmate?
Erm, to a certain extent though it may not be confined to one. It may not even be a member of the other gender (and I'm not being gay!) I mean, it could simply be a person who understands you so well and could probably read your mind - like a twin or something. You know? In that sense, yeah. Huge possibility.
Do you think that you should become friends with someone first?
Bad, bad question. What do you mean by become friends first? Before what? I mean, I know what you're trying to ask but hell, that just begs to be questioned. Before a relationship? Before marriage? Before sex? Seriously. It's so damn open to interpretation. Let's assume it's the most innocent and "halal" one - marriage. Erm, guess that would be best but you know how life just works in really weird ways and hmmm, the "norm" becomes not so normal anymore? So, I'd just leave that to fate.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yeah but it isn't some bgr thing. It's more of getting stabbed deep within your soul when the people you care most about hurt you - be it parents, siblings, friends or sometimes - students (for the teachers out there).
What do you think about long-distance relationships?
What kind of relationship? The married kind? That MUST work. The bgr kind - erm, I think I'd pass. Oh heck lah, i dunno. Sometimes, things just happen and we kinda got to go with the flow right?
Your thoughts on online relationships?
MUAHAHAHHHAHAA...oops, sorry. I mean, if it works for you, cool. I'm, as you probably can tell, a recluse. Anonymity suits me too well to desire a relationship. You can have it.
Would you rather date someone five years older or five years younger?
No biggie. But the younger bit right, erm...would be a huge NO-NO if it's an ex-student or something...Cannot lah...Just, cannot lah...
Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
Duh. Sometimes, they're more like siblings (whom you get to choose). Okok, I get it...Honestly, hmm, ok..I see the person as a friend but I have more-than-friendly feelings about him.
Do you believe the statement, "Once a cheater always a cheater"?
Nope, but I do think that a leopard might find it very difficult to change his spots. He would really need to have changed, like for real and it would take more than just some girl. It would be faith. (Girls might wish they are the source of change but let's face it honey, get your head out of that cloud and come back down to Earth, pronto!)
Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt & you cried?
Hmmm, I thought I did "love" the person but seriously, it was all just a crush and it's rather embarassing to admit that I cried over a friggin' crush.
How many kids do you want to have?
Whatever the number Allah deems I should have.
Is there someone who you like at the moment?
BUT, OF COURSE! I LIKE ME!!! okok, argh...why do I put myself through this...hmm...erm, uhuh but I'm honestly trying to get over it. (No, he is not married nor gay nor anything of the sort. I just got to get over it and I guess I'd tell you some day but for now, let it be a for-me-to-know, for-you-to-speculate.)
Do you usually fall for a wrong guy/girl or the right guy/girl?
What is wrong or right anyway? Anyway, I try not to fall in love. I'm not philo-phobic(if such a word exists) or androphobic. It's just not the time. I hope that by the time I do, it'd be the right guy. I'm not into the whole make-up-break-up thing.
What is your favorite color?
Somewhere over the rainbow...Anything lah..Changes with the mood...I do have an alter-ego, you know?
What are your views on gay marriages?
Perverse. I got nothing against them as human beings. I just do not agree with their actions and choice of lifestyles but I am in no position to tell them what to or not to do. They should know what's right for themselves. Personally, I kinda feel sorry for them. They seem a little lost or at least that's how I see it.
Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Probably. What makes it worse is that they're the ones dearest to me. i.e. my parents etc.
Have you ever given or been given roses?
Hahaha..yeah, but it's not how you would normally perceive the giving of roses...It's an act of love alright, just not the kind you probably had in mind...Hehehhee...
Are you the one who makes the move or do you wait for them to make the move?
Of course I'm the one who waits. I'm lazy, what.
What is your all time favorite romance movie?
Little Mermaid! Ok, I just like the songs. Erm, LOTR's not exactly a love story, eh? Oh...Sepet and Gubra. Especially, the story bout the religious guy and his wife in Gubra. Real sweet.
Imagine you're 79 & your spouse just died, would you remarry after they died & you were married for 60 years?
I don't know because sometimes circumstances might require us to do things we might not ordinarily do but as of now, I hope I will not. I would like to see my husband again in the afterlife.
At what age did you start noticing the opposite/same sex?
Dunno. Do you know when babies start noticing people and differentiating gender? Your guess is as good as mine.
What song do you want played as you walk down the aisle?
I ain't walking down no aisle.
Are most high school kids infatuated or in love?
Infatuation. Though, most may not recognize it as such.
Who was your first love (like)?
I've yet to find that out.
How long have you loved/liked someone?
Love, erm...for as long as I've lived lah, ok? The crush bit...Ok, admittedly, I crush real bad...So, it usually takes years to get over the thing. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really over the friggin crush but oh well..
Would you give up everything for love?
For whose love am I doing so? I will, or I hope to be able to do so for Allah swt, though I may not have the strength to do so just yet.
Will your life be incomplete without love?
You're talking about the romantic kind right? That's pretty much a "NO".
What do you notice first in a guy/girl?
Changes from person to person. Depends on what is his/her most outstanding feature.
What do you like most about your crush?
Must you really bring him back into the picture? Hell...His golden heart that's hidden behind a facade of prickly put-downs.
Want to get married?
Part of the sunnah, right?
To?
I would most prefer it to be a male human being. No aliens, please. Other than that, how am I supposed to know?
Last person who hugged you?
Sheesh. This is a toughie. I'm a non-huggy person. Can't recall. My sister, like from months back?
Phew. Glad THAT's over. Sheesh...this interrogating myself thing's quite tough.
Adios.
Now what is love, I pray thee tell...
How many times can you honestly say you've been in love?
What kinda love are you talking about? If it's material-based, gosh...a zillion times? Like that Nano was such a babe of an MP3 player that I just fell in lurrve - hook, line and sinker. Oh..You mean the people-type?? Ah...Erm..Are my parents counted? Erm...guess not...Ruling out siblings, little nieces/nephews, cuzs, friends, aunties, uncles etc. etc....Erm...BIG FAT ZERO.
Do you believe that everyone has a soulmate?
Erm, to a certain extent though it may not be confined to one. It may not even be a member of the other gender (and I'm not being gay!) I mean, it could simply be a person who understands you so well and could probably read your mind - like a twin or something. You know? In that sense, yeah. Huge possibility.
Do you think that you should become friends with someone first?
Bad, bad question. What do you mean by become friends first? Before what? I mean, I know what you're trying to ask but hell, that just begs to be questioned. Before a relationship? Before marriage? Before sex? Seriously. It's so damn open to interpretation. Let's assume it's the most innocent and "halal" one - marriage. Erm, guess that would be best but you know how life just works in really weird ways and hmmm, the "norm" becomes not so normal anymore? So, I'd just leave that to fate.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yeah but it isn't some bgr thing. It's more of getting stabbed deep within your soul when the people you care most about hurt you - be it parents, siblings, friends or sometimes - students (for the teachers out there).
What do you think about long-distance relationships?
What kind of relationship? The married kind? That MUST work. The bgr kind - erm, I think I'd pass. Oh heck lah, i dunno. Sometimes, things just happen and we kinda got to go with the flow right?
Your thoughts on online relationships?
MUAHAHAHHHAHAA...oops, sorry. I mean, if it works for you, cool. I'm, as you probably can tell, a recluse. Anonymity suits me too well to desire a relationship. You can have it.
Would you rather date someone five years older or five years younger?
No biggie. But the younger bit right, erm...would be a huge NO-NO if it's an ex-student or something...Cannot lah...Just, cannot lah...
Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend?
Duh. Sometimes, they're more like siblings (whom you get to choose). Okok, I get it...Honestly, hmm, ok..I see the person as a friend but I have more-than-friendly feelings about him.
Do you believe the statement, "Once a cheater always a cheater"?
Nope, but I do think that a leopard might find it very difficult to change his spots. He would really need to have changed, like for real and it would take more than just some girl. It would be faith. (Girls might wish they are the source of change but let's face it honey, get your head out of that cloud and come back down to Earth, pronto!)
Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt & you cried?
Hmmm, I thought I did "love" the person but seriously, it was all just a crush and it's rather embarassing to admit that I cried over a friggin' crush.
How many kids do you want to have?
Whatever the number Allah deems I should have.
Is there someone who you like at the moment?
BUT, OF COURSE! I LIKE ME!!! okok, argh...why do I put myself through this...hmm...erm, uhuh but I'm honestly trying to get over it. (No, he is not married nor gay nor anything of the sort. I just got to get over it and I guess I'd tell you some day but for now, let it be a for-me-to-know, for-you-to-speculate.)
Do you usually fall for a wrong guy/girl or the right guy/girl?
What is wrong or right anyway? Anyway, I try not to fall in love. I'm not philo-phobic(if such a word exists) or androphobic. It's just not the time. I hope that by the time I do, it'd be the right guy. I'm not into the whole make-up-break-up thing.
What is your favorite color?
Somewhere over the rainbow...Anything lah..Changes with the mood...I do have an alter-ego, you know?
What are your views on gay marriages?
Perverse. I got nothing against them as human beings. I just do not agree with their actions and choice of lifestyles but I am in no position to tell them what to or not to do. They should know what's right for themselves. Personally, I kinda feel sorry for them. They seem a little lost or at least that's how I see it.
Have you ever broken someone's heart?
Probably. What makes it worse is that they're the ones dearest to me. i.e. my parents etc.
Have you ever given or been given roses?
Hahaha..yeah, but it's not how you would normally perceive the giving of roses...It's an act of love alright, just not the kind you probably had in mind...Hehehhee...
Are you the one who makes the move or do you wait for them to make the move?
Of course I'm the one who waits. I'm lazy, what.
What is your all time favorite romance movie?
Little Mermaid! Ok, I just like the songs. Erm, LOTR's not exactly a love story, eh? Oh...Sepet and Gubra. Especially, the story bout the religious guy and his wife in Gubra. Real sweet.
Imagine you're 79 & your spouse just died, would you remarry after they died & you were married for 60 years?
I don't know because sometimes circumstances might require us to do things we might not ordinarily do but as of now, I hope I will not. I would like to see my husband again in the afterlife.
At what age did you start noticing the opposite/same sex?
Dunno. Do you know when babies start noticing people and differentiating gender? Your guess is as good as mine.
What song do you want played as you walk down the aisle?
I ain't walking down no aisle.
Are most high school kids infatuated or in love?
Infatuation. Though, most may not recognize it as such.
Who was your first love (like)?
I've yet to find that out.
How long have you loved/liked someone?
Love, erm...for as long as I've lived lah, ok? The crush bit...Ok, admittedly, I crush real bad...So, it usually takes years to get over the thing. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm really over the friggin crush but oh well..
Would you give up everything for love?
For whose love am I doing so? I will, or I hope to be able to do so for Allah swt, though I may not have the strength to do so just yet.
Will your life be incomplete without love?
You're talking about the romantic kind right? That's pretty much a "NO".
What do you notice first in a guy/girl?
Changes from person to person. Depends on what is his/her most outstanding feature.
What do you like most about your crush?
Must you really bring him back into the picture? Hell...His golden heart that's hidden behind a facade of prickly put-downs.
Want to get married?
Part of the sunnah, right?
To?
I would most prefer it to be a male human being. No aliens, please. Other than that, how am I supposed to know?
Last person who hugged you?
Sheesh. This is a toughie. I'm a non-huggy person. Can't recall. My sister, like from months back?
Phew. Glad THAT's over. Sheesh...this interrogating myself thing's quite tough.
Adios.
The Big Three
Since I'm on a roll, let me go cut-and-paste something I wrote in someone else's blog...(Takde keje lain lah katakan...)
First and foremost, let me refer you to the post I got the questions from...no fair lah if I don't credit the person, no? Anyway, I have no idea who the person is which is pretty much the norm when it comes to the cybercommunity. Do I wish to know the person? Not really. Do I secretly wish I know the person? Erm, yeah. Do I wish the person to know that I know the person him/herself? Hell, no. I'm bloody secretive, in that sense. Actually, I just like the unfair advantage of the situation. Anyway,I digressed! Shit.
Back to the main point: Refer yourself to the following link - primarybasic
Anyway, ta-da....
QUESTIONS (duh)
1. If you knew you could double your money, easily and certainly, in two years, by investing in a company whose activities you seriously disapprove of, would you do it?
2. Should the goal of the penal system be to remove criminals from public, deterring crime by punishment, or rehabilitating wrongdoers?
3. You've been given the responsibility of packing away any three items in a time capsule to be opened up in 400 years. What would you put in there to give folks an idea of what life is like in the early 2000s?
RESPONSES (double duh)
1. Nope.
2. Frankly, the goal of any penal system should be the reduction of crime (since eradication is next to impossible in today's world.). The three are simply methods in order to achieve that goal of reducing crime rates and thus should be used in accordance to the offence that has been made. The removal of criminals from the public serves a dual purpose of protecting the public while at the same time, giving the criminal a chance to look back at his own mistakes and derive some kind of lesson. However, bearing in mind that not everyone truly is repentant of their misdeeds and thus could potentially pose to be even more dangerous upon "release", perhaps the removal from public should be made permanent. In the second instance, punishment would be an effective deterrent instead of a rehabilitative tool. Hence, people might think twice about committing the offence to begin with. As for the final point, rehabilitation would be necessary for the sake of humanity for is it not human to err and thus learn from their mistakes? Rehabilitation would give people a chance to learn. Whether or not they actually do is another issue altogether. At least, the chance was given.
3. Three things...Hmmm...a microchip - to showcase the importance of technology to the world in the 2000s, a before-and-after-extreme-makeover photo - testament to a world that is fixated with the idea of superficiality and a Holy Book (in my case, it would be the Al-Qur'an) - in an amazingly sharp contrast to the obsession of all things material, show how through it all, faith survives. In all, it's supposed to present the contradictory nature of the world in the 2000s. The culmination of the Age of Extremes (at least for now).
Now, it should really end here save the fact that there's another incredibly bimbotic side of me who has her own warped responses to the questions posed. I give up understanding me. You go figure while I try to present my alter-ego's, erm..., perspective...
1. Nope. (Strangely, alter-ego seems to still have some kind of a conscience. Whether or not it survives a non-idealistic, real-life-smacks-you-and-tempts-you-in-the-face situation, is entirely another issue.)
2. Hmmm...toughie. Must I really answer it? I'm not a lawyer. Anyway, the penal system...that's like punishment system right? So punish lah...CASTRATE IF YOU MUST!!! Actually, castrate if you wish especially when it comes to those PERVS who rape their own kids!!! MORONS!! (oookkkk..so, alter-ego's PMS-ing and thus has decidedly not answered the question. typical.)
3. My darling IPOD because it contains Bird Cage, incredibly funny show, LOTR funny shots - again for tickle-me pleasures, my darling siblings' kids and of course music galore...It's like the ultimate entertainment system...ERM, you know what? I take it back...I WANT my IPOD...who the hell would put their most precious items in a friggin' capsule for some undeserving futuristic descendant to mangle with?! Ok...that would mean I have to start from scratch.(Here we go again...)
Ehem, ehem...Number 3: 3 things to put inside some stupid capsule...erm...honestly, I cdn't give a shit...Why should we make it easy for them to figure out what life "was" like on Earth 400 years earlier when we have had to go through so much trouble trying to figure out what happened yesterday? Like, duh...No easy way out for them...No, no, no...Go do some source analysis. (U-huh).
Riigghhtt....
See what I have to live with? Sigh.
First and foremost, let me refer you to the post I got the questions from...no fair lah if I don't credit the person, no? Anyway, I have no idea who the person is which is pretty much the norm when it comes to the cybercommunity. Do I wish to know the person? Not really. Do I secretly wish I know the person? Erm, yeah. Do I wish the person to know that I know the person him/herself? Hell, no. I'm bloody secretive, in that sense. Actually, I just like the unfair advantage of the situation. Anyway,I digressed! Shit.
Back to the main point: Refer yourself to the following link - primarybasic
Anyway, ta-da....
QUESTIONS (duh)
1. If you knew you could double your money, easily and certainly, in two years, by investing in a company whose activities you seriously disapprove of, would you do it?
2. Should the goal of the penal system be to remove criminals from public, deterring crime by punishment, or rehabilitating wrongdoers?
3. You've been given the responsibility of packing away any three items in a time capsule to be opened up in 400 years. What would you put in there to give folks an idea of what life is like in the early 2000s?
RESPONSES (double duh)
1. Nope.
2. Frankly, the goal of any penal system should be the reduction of crime (since eradication is next to impossible in today's world.). The three are simply methods in order to achieve that goal of reducing crime rates and thus should be used in accordance to the offence that has been made. The removal of criminals from the public serves a dual purpose of protecting the public while at the same time, giving the criminal a chance to look back at his own mistakes and derive some kind of lesson. However, bearing in mind that not everyone truly is repentant of their misdeeds and thus could potentially pose to be even more dangerous upon "release", perhaps the removal from public should be made permanent. In the second instance, punishment would be an effective deterrent instead of a rehabilitative tool. Hence, people might think twice about committing the offence to begin with. As for the final point, rehabilitation would be necessary for the sake of humanity for is it not human to err and thus learn from their mistakes? Rehabilitation would give people a chance to learn. Whether or not they actually do is another issue altogether. At least, the chance was given.
3. Three things...Hmmm...a microchip - to showcase the importance of technology to the world in the 2000s, a before-and-after-extreme-makeover photo - testament to a world that is fixated with the idea of superficiality and a Holy Book (in my case, it would be the Al-Qur'an) - in an amazingly sharp contrast to the obsession of all things material, show how through it all, faith survives. In all, it's supposed to present the contradictory nature of the world in the 2000s. The culmination of the Age of Extremes (at least for now).
Now, it should really end here save the fact that there's another incredibly bimbotic side of me who has her own warped responses to the questions posed. I give up understanding me. You go figure while I try to present my alter-ego's, erm..., perspective...
1. Nope. (Strangely, alter-ego seems to still have some kind of a conscience. Whether or not it survives a non-idealistic, real-life-smacks-you-and-tempts-you-in-the-face situation, is entirely another issue.)
2. Hmmm...toughie. Must I really answer it? I'm not a lawyer. Anyway, the penal system...that's like punishment system right? So punish lah...CASTRATE IF YOU MUST!!! Actually, castrate if you wish especially when it comes to those PERVS who rape their own kids!!! MORONS!! (oookkkk..so, alter-ego's PMS-ing and thus has decidedly not answered the question. typical.)
3. My darling IPOD because it contains Bird Cage, incredibly funny show, LOTR funny shots - again for tickle-me pleasures, my darling siblings' kids and of course music galore...It's like the ultimate entertainment system...ERM, you know what? I take it back...I WANT my IPOD...who the hell would put their most precious items in a friggin' capsule for some undeserving futuristic descendant to mangle with?! Ok...that would mean I have to start from scratch.(Here we go again...)
Ehem, ehem...Number 3: 3 things to put inside some stupid capsule...erm...honestly, I cdn't give a shit...Why should we make it easy for them to figure out what life "was" like on Earth 400 years earlier when we have had to go through so much trouble trying to figure out what happened yesterday? Like, duh...No easy way out for them...No, no, no...Go do some source analysis. (U-huh).
Riigghhtt....
See what I have to live with? Sigh.
Revelation
Hi hi, I thought about it and guess what? Instead of telling you about me which is really pretty boring, when you think about it, I'd just babble, ok? The more I babble, the more you'd know me. Hmmm...that sounds good, no?
Honestly, this isn't really about you knowing me. Since, you probably might never read me to know me now, would you? But, the "you" who would really read about me would actually be me so that would mean that I would be reading about myself and thus, THAT is the whole point of this.
I'm getting to know me.
I am seeking the truth within.
Care to join me?
(Funnily enough, for a me-centric blog, I've added a tagboard. Hmmm, does that mean that I'd be posting to myself? Frig, I know I'm pathetic lah but this is getting absurd.)
Honestly, this isn't really about you knowing me. Since, you probably might never read me to know me now, would you? But, the "you" who would really read about me would actually be me so that would mean that I would be reading about myself and thus, THAT is the whole point of this.
I'm getting to know me.
I am seeking the truth within.
Care to join me?
(Funnily enough, for a me-centric blog, I've added a tagboard. Hmmm, does that mean that I'd be posting to myself? Frig, I know I'm pathetic lah but this is getting absurd.)
innercrap
I do have another blog. Make that numerous other blogs but hmmm, never mind.
Anyway, welcome one and all to a part of me that feels the need to be awakened.
Let's start from the start.
Hmmm, I don't know where to start.
Now that's a funny thing. Just when I wanted to introduce myself (as anonymous-ly as I possibly can), I realize that I do not know where or how to begin. I wanted to start with my job but somehow or other, that felt really wrong. This is simply because if I were to do that, would that mean that I am defining myself through my job first, before anything else? Am I just an extension of my job? I shudder to think that that may be so.
In view of that, I tried something else. What about starting with my age? Age is just a number right? It's logical, practical and no one can argue that age is not a part of them (or at least if they're not delusional about it). But, that's just it, it's just a freaking number. A plain, insignificant digitalized view of the time that has passed based on a Gregorian calendar that is actually all screwed up. Oh well, there goes the age start thing.
What about my earliest memory? That would be a start, no? This could potentially be well and good but heck, freak, I'm not about to write some kinda memoir to myself. I'm just trying to introduce me.
Frig. I wish someone would just set up a template and ask me questions and I can just answer them. Like some Singapore Idol-styled biography thing...Hehehe...
As I continue to mull over the how-tos of introducing myself to cyberworld, it just occurred to me...
I have already begun. This is me. In all honesty. Okok, make that to a certain extent. (I don't intend to lie. I might just prefer to keep certain things to myself but for whatever else that's revealed, it's pretty much the truth, albeit from my own perspective.)
This is me.
Anyway, welcome one and all to a part of me that feels the need to be awakened.
Let's start from the start.
Hmmm, I don't know where to start.
Now that's a funny thing. Just when I wanted to introduce myself (as anonymous-ly as I possibly can), I realize that I do not know where or how to begin. I wanted to start with my job but somehow or other, that felt really wrong. This is simply because if I were to do that, would that mean that I am defining myself through my job first, before anything else? Am I just an extension of my job? I shudder to think that that may be so.
In view of that, I tried something else. What about starting with my age? Age is just a number right? It's logical, practical and no one can argue that age is not a part of them (or at least if they're not delusional about it). But, that's just it, it's just a freaking number. A plain, insignificant digitalized view of the time that has passed based on a Gregorian calendar that is actually all screwed up. Oh well, there goes the age start thing.
What about my earliest memory? That would be a start, no? This could potentially be well and good but heck, freak, I'm not about to write some kinda memoir to myself. I'm just trying to introduce me.
Frig. I wish someone would just set up a template and ask me questions and I can just answer them. Like some Singapore Idol-styled biography thing...Hehehe...
As I continue to mull over the how-tos of introducing myself to cyberworld, it just occurred to me...
I have already begun. This is me. In all honesty. Okok, make that to a certain extent. (I don't intend to lie. I might just prefer to keep certain things to myself but for whatever else that's revealed, it's pretty much the truth, albeit from my own perspective.)
This is me.
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