the real deal

I am an educator. Let's not pretend otherwise.

Now in this little world I'm slowly adjusting to, things aren't really what they seem. Perhaps, I was the one with the rose-tinted glasses but let's just say that things are getting a lot clearer, even if they aren't exactly prettier.

During the first couple of years or so, I had big dreams and even grander notions of what it would mean to join the profession. At that time, many were joining it so as to escape the economic slump in the private sector but that was never my intent.

I am, by and large, a lazy person. I kinda like to go with the flow and the teaching track seem to suit that kinda flow I wanted. Secondly, I know for a fact that a desk-bound job was never something for me. Teaching again, seem to fulfill my, erm, "social" needs or so I thought (then). Thirdly, this might be hard to believe but I honestly felt that I could potentially help someone. Part of me have and will always fear screwing up kids' lives but another part honestly feels that I might be useful. Furthermore, I harboured this dream of someday setting up some school or something and devote my life to more something more than just a corporate job. I wanted to change lives and I wanted to do good. I just wanted to help.

Honestly, in spite of the fact that most believe that teachers are in it for the "stability" or "money", it's not quite accurate. Some use the argument that once the economy picked up, teachers leave the service for the pte sector thus proving that the teaching profession seemed like a last-resort. I'm not naive enough to say that this is an outright fallacy but honestly, most do have that little grain of belief that they could indeed make a difference. In fact, the reason most leave is because they realized that making a difference is not that vital after all. Unless, it can be spelt out clearly and can be measured either qualitatively or quantitatively. It seems that your distinction as an educator rests upon your ability to make your contributions known and validated. My question is, how do you measure dedication? Through the time you stay in school? How do you measure success? By the number of students who do well? And then, how do you measure concern? By the number of problem kids you counsel? How do you measure dedication? What about love? How would you measure that? By the number of thank you cards you get on teachers' day? How do you measure emotions and feelings and the depth of a bond between a teacher and his/her students? How can you measure it?

After more than two years, you kinda get wiser.

Personally, this year has made a cynic out of me. I don't know about other places but this is just stupid.

Henceforth, I'm seeking my own validation. In fact, I think I've found it. I love my kids and I know that they kinda love me. And that is something no one can ever take away from me and it is an achievement I can humbly call my own. Thank you, kiddos. Without you, the job is meaningless.

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Anyhow, kiddos came over to my place and yeah, I hope they had a good time. I honestly wish them the very best in all they do and I hope they remember, not the lessons in class, but the experiences they've had which would serve them well in future.

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On another note, since I have a digicam, I'm going to be snapping shots here and there and I will try to post them up. Erm, I was kinda inspired by this photographer and his telling stories through photography thing...I'd try that out and erm, just try lah...