ponder

Ni eh...pikir pikir balik...nak letak addy journal lama ke tak nak ah? aku pon tak tahu...macam nak jadi ada jugak, apa orang kata...itu "flow"..."evolution"...then again, kalau dah link link...might as well aku tak tukar blog seh...kan ke perkara bodoh? apa yang aku merepek ni pon aku tak tahu...tengah meraban lah ni...

merepek meraban, taik itik dalam jamban...

riiigghhhttt.....

sebenarnya, actually ah...aku ni ada online journal dah lebih dari lima...belambak...takde kerja lain lah katakan...tapi, ntah kenapa, susah sangat nak simpan...mungkin benar jugak kawan kawan aku katakan aku ni jenis "fickle-minded". memang pon...fickle rabak siak...senang sangat berubah fikiran...it's not a strength, i know that...but it's so much a part of me that almost everyone who's close enough to me would use "fickle" to describe me should they need to come up with a single adjective for me. perhaps, that would explain why i don't have just one hobby...i have numerous. within a day, i can do, or rather, i need to do several different things so that i don't get bored...i'm just a friggin kid lah...

ok, back to the online journals...as mentioned, i have more than 5.

i actually started a long time ago...when the whole concept of online blogging was rather obscure. i came across a teenage girl's blog and i was impressed by her maturity, written work and the like such that i was inspired to start an online journal. my very first entry was dated 19 September 2001. 8 days after September 11th. perhaps, i was also compelled to write following the circumstances at that time. it was, in a strange way, inspiring. 2001. i was such a kid. full of idealism. romanticism. and every other nonsensism that existed. reading my entries all over again, i kinda cringed (still cringing). i was a student - care-free and holding the world in the palm of my hand or so it felt...it was wonderful reliving those pasts even though erm, i should have exercised greater restraint in some of the things i said...

soon after, i became a diaryland-er. and i loved it. in fact, i have about 3 diaryland blogs. one was replaced by the another while the third was a locked one that dealt primarily with my heart-related woes or any other issue that was just way too personal to share, even to an anonymous online community.

i did experiment with blogspot. i had one with just one entry. i had intended it to be a more "intellectual" one but erm...that didn't work. i had a couple of others that were work-related, actually, make that 3 and counting which brings us to YOU. you are my latest friend. i do intend to keep you but if i don't, don't take it personally. it's not you, it's me.

hmmm, and i think that along the way, i did create multiply accts, friendster blog and whatever else but oh well...

now, this kinda confirms the notion that i am indeed frivolous and inconsistent but know this...no matter how many journals i have, no matter what or how i write...one thing has remained my primary aim - anonymity to be preserved. i do not write for others to get to know me. i write for me. to ease the stress and fears of the day. to share my work(if any) and my experiences. to simply write for the sake of it. hence, anonymity works fine and i have held true to that concept as long as possible hence, it would be inprobable for me to ever post personal pictures. not going to happen.

tell you the truth. sometimes, i do wish i wd just put up coz it's kinda fun when people know you and you know people because you kinda make friends but eh, i don't need journalling. my friggin job allows me to do that and hey, i get paid for it! so hmm...bottomline is, i like my anonymity. hence, supposing you think u know me, i wd appreciate it if you would drop me a pte message (dunno how) or let things be rather than announce my name to one and all in my blog. i just want the anonymity.

i need it.

thank you for reading.