Ntah lah

People seem to get the impression that I'm this independent, self-reliant free spirit who needs nothing but herself. I would agree to part of it - the independent free spirit part. I hate feeling trapped and most of the time, I like being alone and doing things on my own. It keeps things simple. Fuss-free.

However, as much as I enjoy such freedom, I do need others. Of late, that need grows stronger but because I'm such a wonderfully private person, most folks don't know of that need and erm, yeah...I'm pretty much on my own. Which sucks. I mean, sometimes, I just wish I had someone I could just babble to. I don't need anyone to solve the problems I have or to make things right for me...just to listen. That would suffice. In fact, by just listening, that would be making things right. Coz, honestly, it feels as though I'm some weird entity that has no voice.

I keep harping on that. I mean, I have a voice. And yes, I agree that to be heard, we must make ourselves heard. However, I kinda like the discreet thing...so erm, we're back to square one. Anyhow, I don't really want loads of people to "hear" me, just a few will do. Even just one. One I can rely on.

Ok, this is not to say that I don't have friends. I mean, I got great pals and if I wanted, I could probably make them listen to my crap - which I kinda do on occasion. (Poor things) But, sampai bila? How long will this go on? They've got their own lives to lead. And some are already embarking on new, erm, partnerships...we'll call it that...and it's kinda intrusive to barge in. Yeah, whatever with the friends shd be there through thick and thin. But seriously, as friends, we should give those friends a break. They've got lives. It's selfish to always depend on them. It's just not cool.

My vocab sucks. I think that the longer I stay in this job, the more uncreative I become. Especially when it comes to journalling. I seem to have lost the knack and drive...Ntah lah...Aku pon tak tahu kenapa...

Anyhow, I've been blogging for a while but...I can't seem to publish half the crap I write...Ntah lah...


This is such an "ntahlah" thing...AARRGGGHHHHHH....I'm on a moody swing!!! GET ME OFF IT!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!

With that, we shall end with a swing song...

Pohon beringin tegak berdiri
Kalau rendah menyapu bumi
Menghibur aku, menolong aku
Bertiuplah oh angin lalu
Laju, laju buaiku laju...

I scraped the last line. Yuppiedee, I did.

Toodles.

Got back from Tioman. It was a wonderful holiday with some of my dearest friends. How can it not be a good one, right?

Honestly, I had reservations about snorkelling. I mean, think about it, I CAN'T SWIM! And erm, snorkelling requires one to be dumped into the deep end...but had to go through with it so I just whacked it lah.

And...I'M HOOKED!!! I LOVE SNORKELLING!!! I'm already looking out for other resorts that will allow me to snorkel to my heart's content. And yeah...I should really take up swimming. In fact, I want to get in shape so that I can wear swim wear without feeling like a friggin idiot. But that's not the priority. I just want to go snorkelling!!! I love it. It's incredibly fun. Words can't describe how I feel about it.

Okok...it started off a little freaky. I mean, I couldn't feel the sands...It was ultra deep and when I put my head underwater...I could only see reefs...beautiful, gorgeous corals and fishes...that kinda helped me to forget the fact that i can't swim...that is until the seawater gushed into my mouth and caused me to choke...and erm...reality sank in...so for the next hour...i kinda just clung to the ropes and sides coz I wasn't too sure about using the whole snorkelling gear.

Anyway...I got better at it as I practised along the shores and yeah, I realize that I shd have practised before going off and jumping into the deep end...but overall...no regrets. I had loads of fun. And of course, my crazy friends had their fun too and yeah...good trip. Perhaps, shd bring the other two bozos along too the next time we plan our hols.