gee

Well, let's see here...

I don't really have much to write, which translates into...this will be a very long entry...

It seems as though I've been getting one too many job offers. I am not complaining...I mean, it is most definitely a good thing...It's just that it kinda makes me think...Is my unhappiness at this present moment so incredibly evident that folks all around me are able to sense it and thus try to "ease" my situations by offering me jobs?

Actually, what is it that makes me so unhappy anyway?

Truth be told, there are certain times when I realize that part of me just belongs where I am. I love the folks I deal with and I care deeply about most of them. However, as time goes by, I grow increasingly distant and I don't seem to quite care anymore at times and that scares me. My strength used to lie in my ability to relate and communicate with the folks. However, it is becoming increasingly evident that that strength is growing rather wearisome and my true "ability" seem to be the manner through which I execute the material. I have become a professional in that respect. With that, I'm losing those rough edges that helped me to connect with people..I feel rather robotic...

Perhaps, that could be the problem. Needless to say, I'm quite emo lah...Don't get me wrong. I'm not the cry-me-a-river kind...I just need to feel when I do things...It's like when I write or read or whatever, I need to feel what I do...I loved my job because I used to feel a lot for it...Nowadays, I'm just so exhausted that the only feeling I have is weariness. I'm becoming desensitized and that scares me, though some think that that's actually a positive development...Aargghhh...

Another part of me just feels overused. I feel trapped. It feels as if I've been walled into a tiny corner with no way in or out. It's so infuriating and I..I just don't quite know how to explain it...

Perhaps, it's not just the job. Perhaps, it's also about me finding me. I don't quite know where I'm headed at the moment. I just feel myself being forced to ride the waves...I'm trying to figure things out but before I can, I wind up drowning...It keeps happening over and over again...I need something...I don't know what it is but there is something that's missing here...I feel as if I'm on the verge of finding something but I've still yet to grasp it. Perhaps, I'm not ready enough and thus I've not found it yet...but...I honestly don't know how or what exactly am I preparing for??? Am I supposed to be preparing for something anyway???

I don't know...I just don't know.

Anyway, I walked down Orchard Road today. I "missed" my bus stop. Honestly, I don't like O.R. I think it's just too crowded but heck...Come to think of it, I don't like most places. I like being the bookworm and I miss being one. Oh well.

Anyway, take care.