I am not going to like the coming tuesday very much. I will not enjoy the 17th of October. In fact, I'm probably going to hate the 19th even more. Heck, even the 18th's going to feel rather horrible. That would mean that I'm going to have a very sad turning-a-quarter-century day.
I never realized I could potentially have that much impact on a person's life. It's like having power over someone. As much as it may sound "super-cool", I just feel rather fearful and I wish I didn't have it. I feel like a coward and you know what? I guess I am. It has made me realize the errors of what I do and the pending consequences of my actions. I hate this. I don't mind bearing the brunt of my mistakes but I would never wish another to do so. It's just unfair.
No sorries will work. No regrets are worth the while.
I will not know how to face them on wednesday. I'm ecstatic for most because they have achieved what they sought to do. I'm worried - Worried to the depths of my being about the others. I love them dearly and this is not the way I want to see or let them go.
At this point, I'm simply taking comfort in the knowledge that Allah knows best. It is He who has gotten it all figured out. I just got to trust that. Allah knows best hence, no matter what happens, it will be for the best. Insya Allah.
Take care, dearies. Whatever happens, it will be for the best. Trust that.
Gosh, I am getting rather emo these days...aren't I?
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